


Ghoulish Falls

by CrossingTheFourthWall



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Dipper and Mabel are 18, Gen, Ghoul Ford, Ghoul Ford AU, Vampire Fiddleford, Werewolf Stan, adjust ages from there how you will, based off cirilee's AU on Tumblr, some sort of drug use in chapter 7 (Ford-Nip)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2018-12-14 05:43:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 58,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11776686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrossingTheFourthWall/pseuds/CrossingTheFourthWall
Summary: Dipper and Mabel -- having graduated from high school -- drive up to Gravity Falls for the first time in order to investigate the weirdness that resides there. However, some of the locals are not what they seem -- including the ones that live in the seemingly-abandoned Shack that's out in the middle of the woods....





	1. Welcome to Gravity Falls

_Ah, summer vacation. No school, no homework, and all the time in the world to spend time with family and friends._

“Hey, look up ahead!” A teenage girl with her long, brown hair pulled back in a ponytail pointed at what was in front of the car as she started hopping up and down in her seat. “That must be it!”

“It should be, according to the directions we got.” The brown-haired teenage boy sitting behind the driver’s seat of the little car grinned at his passenger.

_Or, if you happen to be us, take a road trip up the west coast from Piedmont, California, to a small town called Gravity Falls in Oregon in order to investigate the paranatural._

_My name is Dipper Pines. The girl who’s nearly unbalancing the car in her excitement is my twin sister, Mabel. Normally, we spend our summers at home back in Piedmont with a few friends from school who are interested in the strange creatures that are hiding in our area, but now that we’ve graduated from high school, we thought it might be a good idea to do something we’d been planning on doing for a long time._

_Most people don’t really think about it, but there are hidden, “supernatural” creatures living all over the world. An example I’ve used a number of times is the nest of brownies that live under our high school’s gym that keep even the boys’ bathrooms squeaky clean. There weren’t very many discoveries to be made in our area, though, so I started looking into other places that could have people investigating the creatures living in their own areas._

Dipper slowed the car down as they left the trees and entered the town. “Okay, so Wendy said we should meet at the diner. Where is it?”

Mabel poked him in the shoulder and pointed. “Maybe it’s that?”

Dipper turned his head, then frowned at the low, long building that clearly had a neon sign on top that said “Diner.” “How could I have missed that?” He turned the wheel and brought the car into an open parking space next to a beat-up pickup truck. “Okay. You ready for this?”

“Nope! Let’s do it!” Mabel started unbuckling her seatbelt even before Dipper put the car in park.

_We ended up finding out about Gravity Falls completely by accident, on our own, and at the same time. I stumbled across a forum that talked about brownies and ended up meeting Soos and Wendy by comparing notes on the two different nests that we’d managed to find – my high school and theirs. Mabel found a forum on the exact same site about cheesy vampire movies and told me that she’d “found her people.”_

“Wait until I’ve turned the car off!” Dipper grabbed Mabel’s arm as she started to push her door open. “We said we were going to go in there together, remember?”

“I remember!” Mabel gave Dipper a wide grin. “It’s just so exciting! I can finally meet Candy and Grenda in person! We are going to have so much fun talking about _boys_ and _unicorns_ and –“

“I remember Wendy saying that unicorns are ‘frustrating’.” Dipper cut the engine and unbuckled his own seatbelt before stepping out of the car. Mabel followed suit.

“Psssh.” Mabel waved off the thought. “Maybe she just got off on the wrong foot with them!” She paused. “Or should it be wrong ‘hoof’? Eh, I’ll figure it out later. The point is, I want to meet them!”

“I think we’ll have to wait and see on that.” Dipper locked the car and started over to the diner’s entrance, Mabel falling into step next to him. “Did you see that list that Wendy sent about the summer part-time jobs?”

Mabel nodded as they reached the door. “Yup! Which one are you going to go for, bro-bro?”

“Well, I was thinking about the museum.” Dipper pushed the door open. “You were thinking about that library opening, right?”

“Right!” Mabel nodded quickly as the two stepped inside the diner.

“Hey!”

Dipper turned his head when he heard the lazy greeting, and he caught sight of a redheaded young woman sitting at one of the three occupied booths on one side of the diner.

“You two hear about the latest vampire horror fic?” The woman rose to her feet and walked over, arms swinging. “I hear it’s a real nail-biter.”

It took Dipper a moment to remember the agreed-on response, and he made a “so-so” motion. “Eh. More like ankle-biter. If they were real, we could just stomp them underfoot.”

The woman grinned, and held out a hand. “Nice to finally see you face-to-face, Dipper.”

Dipper accepted the handshake, nodding. “Same here, Wendy.”

_Wendy Corduroy is the de-facto leader of the group that’s into researching the paranormal stuff that lives in Gravity Falls. She knows the woods like the back of her hand, and can survive most of the stuff that the forest could throw at them – mostly thanks to her dad._

“How was the drive up?” Wendy motioned for the Pines twins to come over and sit in the half-open booth she had been sitting at a moment ago, forcing a rather large man who looked a little like a gopher and the light brown-haired woman next to him to scoot over a little to make room for them.

“Boring,” Mabel sighed as she slid into the booth after Dipper. “It felt like it lasted forever.”

_Soos and Melody Ramirez are the oldest members of the group; they probably wouldn’t have shown an interest in the paranormal had Soos not had an accidental run-in with a sentient video game when he had been looking for dating advice. The Giffany incident was one that had been mentioned a few times to us, but Soos and Melody don’t really like to talk about it._

“What’s up, dudes?” Soos grinned and waved at Dipper and Mabel. “It’s nice ta finally see ya face to face.”

“Yeah!” Mabel chirped happily in reply, quickly putting all thoughts of the drive out of her mind. “So we’re going to be staying with you guys all summer?”

“That’s the plan.” Melody nodded. “The house is a bit small, though, so you’re going to end up sleeping in the living room for the next three months.”

Soos chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, nearly knocking off his baseball cap. “Yeah. My old room’s still got all my video games in it, and I don’t think they’re gonna get moved anytime soon.”

_Soos and Melody work at the local arcade, keeping the machines running and serving junk food to the kids who stay there for hours on end. Soos apparently inherited his house from his grandmother, and Melody moved in from Portland after she met him while taking a summer job in the mall a few years ago._

“That’s going to be fine.” Mabel laughed. “I mean, it’s not like we’re staying here forever.”

“Yeah.” Dipper nodded in agreement. “So, what’s the plan? Are we going to go monster hunting now or—“

“Not today, dudes.” Soos shook his head. “We’ve got to get you two settled in, first! We’ll get your stuff to our place and give you a tour of the town. Tomorrow, though, we’ll start showin’ ya all the secrets out in da woods.” He wiggled his fingers. “Oooooo!”

Melody elbowed her husband and laughed. “We know you’re curious, but we don’t want you to fall asleep out there because of all those hours you spent driving.”

Dipper nodded, hearing the logic in the woman’s words, but he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that he wasn’t getting to go out and investigate what the town had to offer.

“Hey, chin up!” Wendy grinned. “There’s some pretty cool stuff hiding in the arcade too, y’know. Thompson brought Rumble McSkirmish to life three summers ago by finding this old code on the side of the game! It was awesome!”

“No it wasn’t!” A chubby young man turned around in his seat and looked over at Dipper and Mabel from between Melody’s and Wendy’s heads. “It was terrifying! I had to go to the hospital because the guy was looking for a fight! Do you realize how terrifying that is?!”

_The rest of the crew that Wendy got together is made up of her friends from high school for the most part. Thompson has bared the brunt of their jokes ever since they met up, and it hasn’t stopped since. Thompson hasn’t attempted to stop it for some inexplicable reason._

“You brought Rumble McSkirmish to life?” Dipper’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “This I have _got_ to see.”

“Sorry dudes, but we made sure that it’s never happening again – it’s too dangerous.” Soos shook his head. “That code’s not gonna be used by anybody ever again. You can still play the game, though.”

“Oh.” Dipper blinked. “But…what about McSkirmish?”

“After he beat up Thompson, he turned back into pixels.” A boy with dark hair and a large nose joined Thompson in looking over and down at the group. “Apparently, clobbering the summoner is a _bad idea.”_ He grinned.

“Which is something even zombies don’t have the sense for, eh, Robbie?” A boy with long, blond hair popped up on Thompson’s other side, also grinning.

Robbie’s grin faltered. “Sh-shut up, Lee!”

“Zombies?” Mabel’s eyes widened. “There are _zombies_ here?”

“There _were_.” Robbie’s eyes narrowed as Lee continued to grin at him. “Mom decided to read an incantation that was on the back of one of the gravestones. Do you know how _annoying_ it was having to keep her and dad away from them while we were trying _not_ to start the zombie apocalypse?”

“How did you guys stop it?” Dipper leaned forward, eyes wide. “You did end up destroying all the zombies, right?”

“Oh, we did.” Wendy made a waving motion. “Apparently, the things just can’t stand three-part harmony. We’re lucky that Candy happened to have a karaoke machine with her that night.”

Mabel sat upright at that. “Really?! You guys killed them by singing?! Awesome!”

“How did that work?” Dipper scratched his head, causing the brown baseball cap on his head to shift position. He grabbed the bill and readjusted it, adding, “The movies always suggest cutting them to pieces, so how would—“

“It made their heads explode!” Lee mimed his own head exploding. “It was awesome!”

“Whoa!” Mabel’s eyes widened, and she squealed excitedly. “What music did you sing to? Tell me!”

“ ‘Taking over Midnight’ by &ndra.” A lanky teenage girl with short, black hair and glasses slipped out of the booth that Thompson, Robbie, and Lee were in. She adjusted her glasses and smiled. “I thought it was appropriate.”

Mabel sucked in a breath and let out another squeal that was even louder than the last one. “Ohmigosh! Candy!” She leapt out of her seat and tackled the girl, laughing. “That is so appropriate!”

Candy laughed in reply. “I’m glad you think so.”

A larger, more muscular girl ran over and promptly hugged the two of them. “MABEL’S HERE! HOORAY!”

“Whoa there, Grenda!” Wendy laughed. “Easy on the volume there!”

“Oh, right.” Grenda gave a sheepish grin and let Candy and Mabel out of her crushing hug. “Sorry.”

_Candy and Grenda joined Wendy and the others only recently, according to what Mabel’s told me. There was an incident with a merman in the public pool, and Candy and Grenda ended up being the ones to help him get back to the ocean._

“You really ought to know better about yelling in the diner, kiddo.”

Dipper turned his head when he heard the new voice, and he blinked in confusion when he saw the gray-haired, old man leaning over the counter, looking at them with a smirk on his face.

Grenda ducked her head. “I said I was sorry.”

“Yeah, come on, Andrew, it’s not like she meant any harm.” Wendy nodded to the man. “Besides, we’re the only ones here.”

“Right now, maybe, but don’t count on that all the time.” Andrew gave Dipper a nod. “Welcome to Gravity Falls, kid. Watch out for the gnomes when you head out to explore later.”

Dipper blinked. “Gnomes? Why?”

Andrew’s grin widened. “I’ve heard they’re lookin’ for a new queen, and they just might take her.” He nodded to Mabel.

Wendy rolled her eyes and snorted. “Like we’re gonna let that happen. I trust those guys as far as I can drop-kick them. How about you get all of us some pancakes?”

“You’d better be payin’, because I don’t want to have to hunt you down like I have to for that wannabe reporter every other day of the week.”

“They’ll be on me. Don’t worry about it.”

Andrew gave a nod, then turned and disappeared into the kitchen behind the counter, his long gray ponytail swaying a bit from the movement.

“Who’s that?” Mabel took her seat next to Dipper again, then forced him up against the wall as Candy and Grenda sat next to her.

“We call him Andrew.” Wendy nodded to the kitchen. “That isn’t his real name, though.”

Dipper struggled to push himself into a slightly more comfortable position, then paused. “It isn’t? Then what’s his real name?”

“Nobody knows, dude.” Soos shrugged. “He’s Mr. Mystery.”

“All we know is that he’s been living in town for as far back as most folks nowadays can remember,” Melody explained. “He’s over sixty, and he knows pretty much everything there is to know about the town – both the people _and_ the monsters in the woods.”

“Seriously?!” Dipper leaned over the table and tried to look through the open window that looked into the kitchen, and he caught sight of Andrew working at the grill, flipping pancakes. “Does he help you guys out, then?”

“Eh.” Lee made a “so-so” motion.

“I wouldn’t trust half of what that guy says,” Robbie declared. “I mean, some of the stuff he suggests is ridiculous. Who’s ever seen a _gremgoblin_ face-to-face? Cause I sure haven’t.”

Thompson shuddered at that. “I don’t think I _want_ to.”

“Andrew likes telling stories to people.” Wendy shrugged. “Sometimes I’ve seen him in the library reading stories to kids – he adds on so much stuff that it’s almost like he isn’t even looking down at what he’s reading. His stories change a lot, too – ask him why he’s so fit despite the fact that he’s so _old_ and you’ll see what I mean. He’s given a lot of us different names every time he runs into us, too, so it’s hard to say which one is his real name, or even if he’s given it to any one of us at all.”

“I wonder what he’s hiding.” Mabel looked over at the kitchen, cocking her head to one side and nearly hitting her brother in the face with her ponytail.

“Like we’re ever gonna know.” Robbie snorted.

“So, what’s it like in Piedmont?” Lee leaned over and looked at Dipper and Mabel with a curious look on his face. “How many monsters have _you_ run into?”

Dipper shook his head. “Not as many as you have here, that’s for sure! Probably the biggest problem that we had was when an infestation of little gremlins caused our entire block to have a power outage, and that was three summers ago.”

“How’d you manage to get rid of them?” A girl with dark hair with pink highlights suddenly appeared between Dipper and Mabel, peering over from the booth behind them.

“Well, the movie was completely _useless,_ so we had to scramble in order to find another way to get them away from the power lines.” Dipper shook his head, frowning.

“We ended up luring them away with flashlights and a _ton_ of batteries,” Mabel added. “We got them out to the interstate and left them there with a couple of lanterns and the brightest, biggest flashlights we had in the house. Hopefully, they’ll never come back. We’d have a harder time getting them to go away if they did.”

“They probably hitched a ride on some poor man’s car and went off to bother somebody else.” Andrew abruptly placed plates of pancakes in front of Dipper and Mabel, then followed up with the rest of the batch that Wendy had ordered. “Really getting rid of them takes more than just a bunch of flashlights and batteries – you’ve gotta short them out. When they’re stunned, they’re not going to be eating any electricity anytime soon.”

“How’d you know that?” The girl whose head was between Dipper and Mabel looked at Andrew with a wide-eyed, amazed expression.

“Simple, Tambry.” Andrew grinned. “I’ve had to deal with the little buggers myself. That was years ago, though.”

_Tambry was the group’s technological guru. She was the one who set up the Gravity Falls paranormal website, and she and Soos work together in order to put together things that they use in order to track monsters – or restrain them._

“You’re going to have to tell me about that some time.” Tambry pulled out her phone and started typing quickly with her thumbs. “I’m going to want to gremlin proof the entire town if possible.”

Andrew chuckled, then snatched a number of bills from Wendy and counted them, licking his thumb to make sure that the bills didn’t stick together. “You can go ahead and try. I’m not about to say that it’s going to work, though.”

Tambry didn’t answer, her eyes glued to her phone.

“Whelp, I’ll leave you kids be. Go have fun raiding the town.” Andrew moved back into the kitchen, stopping for only a moment at the cash register to put in the money in it before disappearing from sight. His voice drifted into the main dining area a moment later. “Don’t cause too much trouble out there.”

“We won’t, old man!” Lee shouted back. He shot Dipper and Mabel a grin. “We’ll eat here, and then we’ll show you guys around! You’re going to love this place!”

“I can’t wait!” Mabel grinned. “This is going to be an awesome summer!”


	2. Giant Heads and Unicorns

“Rise and shine, little dudes! We’ve got breakfast!”

Mabel sat upright instantly and scrambled off the inflatable mattress before making a beeline to the kitchen.

Dipper let out a groan and rolled over, but that quickly changed to a yelp of surprise as he fell off the mattress and hit the living room floor, taking a number of blankets with him. “I’m up! I’m up!” He quickly scrambled to his feet, disentangling himself from the blankets as he did so.

Mabel looked back into the room and laughed. “Come on! We’re gonna go monster hunting today!”

Melody appeared in the doorway, wiping her hands off with a towel. “Right; Wendy’s got something planned over at the lake for most of you.”

“Most of us?” Dipper moved around the bed and stepped into the kitchen.

“Well, Soos and I _do_ have to work in order to pay our bills.” Melody walked over to the oven and took a frying pan off the stove. “We probably won’t be joining you most days.”

“Aw.” Mabel’s shoulders sagged as she sat down in one of the chairs; Dipper followed suit a moment later. “But it would’ve been so cool to be able to hang out with you guys!”

“Cheer up, hambone.” Soos came into the kitchen, smiling. “You’re still gonna get ta see us every day. It’s just that we won’t be able to have adventures very often.”

“Which is just fine for us,” Melody added. “Come on – eat up!” She motioned to the frying pan. “I definitely don’t want all of this bacon to go to waste!”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Mabel started grabbing pieces, forcing Dipper to move quickly in order to have some for himself. “So, are there unicorns living at the lake or—“

“Not usually, no.” Melody shook her head. “Candy and Grenda are planning on going to see them later – I think Tambry mentioned something about needing their hair for something.”

“Do you think I can go with them?” Mabel looked at Melody with wide, pleading eyes. “I’ve wanted to meet a unicorn for forever!”

“Wendy’s the one in charge for that, hambone.” Soos grabbed a couple slices of bacon for himself and started gnawing. “I think she’d be willing to let you go, though. I mean, if you _really_ want to meet a unicorn and all.”

“Yes!” Mabel’s fists flew into the air, missing hitting her brother in the head in her excitement.

“What’s down at the lake?” Dipper asked. “Nate did say there were monsters in the water, but none of them really mentioned anything in specific.”

“And we’re not about to give anything away.” Melody winked at her husband, causing him to grin and nod.

Dipper frowned. “Not even a hint?”

“Nope.” Soos shook his head. “There’s all sorts’a stuff hiding around here. Wendy thought it might be cool if you guys found out about a lot of ‘em on your own. I mean, if we just _told_ you about everything that’s living up here in detail, where’s the fun in exploring?”

“He’s got a point, Dip-dop.” Mabel nodded to her brother.

Dipper’s frown deepened for a moment, but then he sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. It _would_ take a lot of fun out of exploring this place.” He bit into a slice of bacon with a _crunch._ “Still, I’d kinda like to know what we’re going to be investigating.”

“If it’s gonna be a surprise, you’ll just find out when you get there!” Mabel replied with a cheery grin.

“Hey, isn’t it supposed to be ‘we’?”

“Well, it _would_ be, but I want to see the unicorns.” Mabel popped the last of her bacon into her mouth and grinned. “Besides, it’ll be a great opportunity for me to be able to get to know Candy and Grenda even better!”

“Well, all right, then. Just…be careful, okay? This isn’t Piedmont, you know.”

“I know.” Mabel poked her brother in the nose with a finger. “I’ll be able to handle myself no problem! Besides, it’s not like I’m going to be walking into a creepy forest all by myself – I’m going to be with my friends!”

Dipper paused at that, then nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll try not to worry as much.”

The rest of breakfast was a simple affair, and by the time that Dipper and Mabel had prepared for the day, Wendy and the rest of her group had shown up in a beaten blue minivan.

“Hey!” Wendy gave a lazy wave as Dipper and Mabel came out of the house, followed by Soos and Melody. “Nice sweater, Mabel.”

“Thanks!” Mabel adjusted her rainbow-sweater, making sure that the unicorn on it was dead-center. “I heard that Candy and Grenda were gonna see the unicorns today.”

“And you wanna go with ‘em?” At Mabel’s nod, Wendy shrugged. “Be my guest. I’m gonna warn you, though – those unicorns might not be all that they’re cracked up to be.”

Mabel frowned at that. “What makes you say that?”

“You’ll see when you meet them.” Wendy scowled. “I can say from personal experience that they’re downright frustrating.”

“So, we’re going to the lake today?” Dipper spoke up.

“Except for Candy, Grenda, and your sister, yeah.” Wendy motioned to the van. “Get in – we’ll drop the girls off at the closest spot to where the unicorns are, and then we’ll head to the lake and poke around for a couple of Andrew’s fairy tale monsters.”

“Cool.” Dipper grinned as he started for the van. “Which ones?”

“We’ll fill you in on the way.” Wendy pulled the door open, revealing that everyone had somehow managed to pack themselves in pretty tightly. “Find a spot – floor, seat, it doesn’t really matter.”

Mabel pushed Dipper forward. “Go on! I’ve gotta be closer to the doors if I’m getting off to see the unicorns!”

“All right, all right!” Dipper laughed, then stepped into the van and somehow managed to maneuver himself into the far back, squeezing in between Lee and Nate. Mabel opted to sit down on the floor between the seats that Candy and Grenda were sitting in right behind the far front seats.

Wendy took the shotgun seat and looked back at the rest of the group. “Everybody ready?”

“YEAH!” Lee, Nate, Robbie, Tambry, Candy, Grenda, and Mabel threw their fists in the air, some striking against the clearly dented ceiling of the van and causing Dipper to jump at the noise.

“All right! Let’s get this started!” Wendy shot Thompson a grin, and he started up the van and drove away from the house.

“So, what kinds of ‘fairy tale monsters’ did Andrew talk about?” Dipper asked.

Wendy, who had been reaching for the radio, paused before she could have hit the power button and looked back. “Well, there’s only a couple of them that really mention the lake, and that’s because they live in it. One of ‘em’s an island that’s actually a giant floating head, but it only _looks_ like a normal island until you get close enough to wake it up. Tate – the guy who runs the bait shop – got a bit shifty-eyed when we asked him about it, so it’s probably something worth checking out.”

Dipper’s eyes widened. “A giant floating head? Do you think it could be sentient?”

“Who knows?”

“Do you think it could have giant floating _baby_ heads?” Mabel asked.

“Why would we _want_ to know that _?_ ” Robbie shuddered.

Tambry looked up from her phone. “I think I heard about one of those flying around a city somewhere. Not very many people have seen it, though.”

Robbie shuddered again. “Can we _stop_ talking about a giant head having babies? I don’t want _that_ in my head, thanks.”

Wendy grinned at the young man in the black hoodie before looking back at Dipper and Mabel. “The other story talks about a lake monster called the Gobblewonker. It’s basically like the Lock Ness monster.”

“Gravity Falls _has_ one of those?” Dipper’s eyes widened. “Do you think we’re going to get to see it?”

“Who knows?” Nate shrugged. “If it’s anything like that so-called ‘Hide-Behind,’ though, I’m gonna make sure that Mr. Mystery really gets it for trying to pull the wool over our eyes again.”

“Hide-Behind?”

“Thompson, this is the girls’ stop.” Wendy made a motion to the trees around them, and Thompson pulled the van over to the side of the road.

“OH BOY!” Grenda’s yell sounded even louder in the enclosed space of the van. “NOW WE CAN FINALLY SEE THE UNICORNS!!”

“Indeed!” Candy adjusted her glasses and chuckled as she opened the door. In seconds, she, Grenda, and Mabel had tumbled out of the car and run into the woods.

Lee and Nate moved up to the seats the girls had vacated, letting Dipper have a little more breathing room in the back of the van.

When the door had shut and Thompson got the car moving again, Dipper asked again, “What’s a Hide-Behind?”

Tambry snorted, and Dipper saw her head move in such a way that he guessed she was rolling her eyes. “It’s just another one of Mr. Mystery’s stories. It’s some kind of monster that’s supposed to hide behind you, and you can never get a proper look at it. I thought we’d be able to see it by sending Thompson into the woods with a bunch of video cameras and mirrors so that he could see behind him even when he wasn’t looking that way.”

“I never caught sight of the stupid thing,” Thompson added. “Andrew was probably lying to us about that one.”

“Huh.” Dipper scratched his head. “So…the name he gave you guys to use is Andrew Mystery?”

Wendy snorted. “Nah. The name _he_ suggested was Andrew ‘8-Ball’ Alcatraz. Soos started calling him ‘Mr. Mystery’ because of how much the guy hasn’t told us, and it’s kinda stuck.”

Dipper blinked. “Well, I guess that makes sense, if he’s not telling us anything about who he really is.” He wrinkled his nose. “Mr. Mystery sounds a _lot_ better than Alcatraz, anyway.”

Nate laughed. “Yeah. Who’d have a last name that was the same name as a prison, anyway?”

**Time Break**

They arrived at the lake ten minutes later, arguing over the different names that Andrew had used and given them in town and whether or not any of them were real.

“Isn’t it weird that a lot of his names have allusions to trees in them, though?” Dipper followed Robbie out of the van, closing the door behind him. “I mean, Stetson _Pinefield_? Hal _Forrester?_ That’s a pattern if I’ve ever heard one. It might have something to do with what his real name is.”

“We’ve tried to do figure it out from that angle, but Andrew hasn’t given us any hint that we’re on the right track or not.” Nate shrugged. “There’s no way that he’s going to tell us even if we do get it right.”

“Well, I think I’m going to give it a try the next time that I see him.” Dipper pulled on the bill of his brown baseball cap. “It’s another mystery in Gravity Falls, and I’m going to solve it before the summer’s over.”

“Good luck,” Wendy replied. “We’re not going to be doing that today, though.” She motioned to the lake that was in front of them. “We’re here to investigate the lake, remember?”

“R-right.” Dipper nodded. “So, what are we going to do in order to find that floating head you mentioned?”

“You kids are going to be asking for a death sentence if you do that.”

Dipper turned his head when he heard the man’s voice, and he blinked when he saw a lanky man with a large nose and a baseball cap pulled down over his eyes walking towards them. His mouth was turned down in a frown.

“What do you mean?” Dipper asked, frowning.

“That ‘floating head’ you’re talking about?” The man nodded to the lake, and seemed to be motioning in the direction of a small island that was sitting in a patch of fog. “It’s right over there.”

“You mean it’s real?!” Robbie’s jaw dropped.

“As real as that heart on your sweater. And it’s been trying to eat any boat that comes near it for the last week.”

“Seriously, Tate?” Wendy raised an eyebrow. “You’ve seen it?”

Tate nodded. “It’s a little hard to miss when it starts moving.”

“Does it really have a face, like Andrew says?” Lee raised an eyebrow.

“The ugliest face that I’ve ever seen.” Tate motioned for the group to follow him as he started walking towards the bait shop that was sitting on the shore of the lake, next to the dock. “The sheriff and deputy have delayed fishing season until the thing calms down.”

Wendy winced. “Well, that explains why dad was so grumpy this morning.”

“Your dad likes fishing?” Dipper looked at the redhead with raised eyebrows. “Is he some expert fisherman or something?”

“Nah. He’s a lumberjack, but he likes to let his anger out on the fish in the lake whenever he can.” Wendy cocked her head to one side. “Hey, Tate, is the Gobble-bot still under the waterfall?”

Tate paused in front of the door to the bait shop. “Yup. Why do you ask?”

“Think I could show it to Dipper?” Wendy nodded to the brown-haired teenager next to her. “He came up to stay here for the summer. If we can’t find the so-called real thing, we might as well have another look at the robot that Officer Durland fished up six years ago.”

“Robot?” Dipper turned and looked at Wendy in surprise. “There was a _robot_ in the lake?!”

“A robot Gobblewonker,” Tate confirmed. “Or, at least, someone’s apparent interpretation of it – there wasn’t a mark of ownership anywhere on it, and I doubt that any of us would be able to find one now. I’d let you kids go ahead and do that, but that floating head is too dangerous for anybody on the water.” He opened the door and ushered the group inside. “Considering that it can _swim_ after boats really well.”

Dipper looked back at the island that Tate had pointed out. “It moves?”

“Only when there’s boats in the water.”

Dipper stared at the island for a moment longer, then quickly stepped into the bait shop and followed Tate and the others to the back of the building.

“We’ve gotten a few pictures of the thing, if you’re really that curious.” Tate motioned to the bulletin board that was up on the back wall.

Dipper scanned the bulletin board, eyeing the small banner that was pinned to the top – “Monsters of the Lake” – before focusing on the pictures that were below it. His eyes widened as he focused on one picture in particular. “Is that a _mermaid?”_

“Yup.” Wendy nodded to the picture that Dipper was staring at, which had what looked like a teenage boy floating in the water. He would have looked completely normal, except that he had a green-blue fish tail from the waist down. “Mermando’s appearance in the pool proved to be a real surprise six years ago. Candy and Grenda were the ones who got him from there to the lake and back out to the ocean.”

Dipper blinked a couple times. “Wow. But…how did he end up in the pool?”

“That’s a long story,” Wendy replied dryly.

_CRASH!_

Dipper turned his head sharply when the roaring noise hit his ears. “What’s going on out there?”

Tate ran to the door. “There better not be a boat out there or so help me I am calling Blubbs out here!”

Wendy dashed out after him. “Come on, guys! This might be chance to see that floating head!”

The rest of the group dashed after the redhead and out onto the lakeshore again, only to come screeching to a halt as sand was sent spraying in all directions.

Dipper’s jaw dropped. “That thing’s the…the…”

Tate nodded. “Yup.”

_GRAAAAAA!!!_

A large floating rock with what looked like a face carved into it glared at the people standing on the shore, then dropped back down into the water with a loud _SPLASH_ that sent large waves of water cascading in all directions.

Dipper danced back a few steps in order to keep away from the wave that washed over the shore. “What made it do that?”

“I don’t know, but I’m starting to think it might be a good idea if we just blocked the lake from any outsiders whatsoever.” Tate nodded to the top of the floating head, which bobbed in the waves for a moment before settling. The trees and other vegetation looked like they were thoroughly soaked. “If it’s reacting like this to just _you_ folks showing up, then not even the lake shore’s safe.”

Dipper could feel that his knees wanted to knock together, and he did his best to stand firm. “We _definitely_ don’t have anything like that back in Piedmont. I don’t know what’d happen if anyone back at home so much as caught a whiff of something like this!” He looked at Tate. “How can you be so calm in front of something like that?”

Tate shrugged a shoulder. “We’ve had to live with stuff like this for as far back as anyone in the town can remember. Gnomes, floating heads – you name it, at least one of the people in town has had more than enough trouble dealing with them.” He turned his head to from the top of the floating to Dipper. “I’m guessing your hometown doesn’t have to deal with anything like that?”

Dipper shook his head. “No way! A lot of people don’t even notice, and if they do, they just think it’s a hallucination of some kind. Mabel and I were really the only ones who really tried to investigate them and figure out how to stop most of the stuff that they made happen.” He looked over at the floating island, frowning. “There’s got to be a good reason that it’s acting up, and it can’t be just because we’re here. Were people able to go fishing when it was here before?”

Tate nodded. “The lake’s the only fishing spot in the entire area, and that thing’s been here…well, who knows how long.”

“Okay.” Dipper tapped his chin, frowning. “So, there’s probably something that happened here in the last week that’s upsetting it. Maybe it’s been hurt by something?”

“Did you _see_ that thing?” Nate motioned to the lake, wide-eyed. “There’s no way that it could have been hurt by something! It’s too big, and it’s clearly made out of rock!”

“Some lizards look like they’re made of rock when it’s actually just really tough hide.” Dipper frowned. “It could have something stuck in it’s skin somewhere, or…” He looked at Tate. “You said it’s been trying to eat boats, right?”

Tate nodded. “It always does that whenever people get too close. I’ve been warning them about that for years, but some tourists who come up here don’t really listen to my warnings very often.”

“Has it gotten any recently?”

“Dipper, what are you thinking about?” Wendy raised an eyebrow.

“Well, it could have something stuck in its mouth. It could be causing it to have a toothache or something.” Dipper shrugged. “I’m not exactly sure, though. It could just be in a bad mood for all we know.”

“A _toothache?”_ Robbie frowned. “Why would a monster get a toothache?”

“Well, it’s possible.”

The group of young adults stared at Tate, who looked back at them with a deadpan expression – which was hard to see, considering that his eyes were hidden by his hat.

“Anything can happen up here. If the monster floating head’s got a toothache, I’m not about to question it. I _am_ going to say that the lake’s off limits until the thing calms down, though.” Tate nodded towards Thompson’s van. “I’d suggest getting out of here before the thing decides it’s going to try to come on land.”

Thompson stiffened. “I’m not going to let it have my van!” He ran over to the beat-up van. “Come on, guys!”

Wendy sighed and shook her head. “Well, looks like we’re not going to be sticking around here for much longer.” Her expression brightened. “At least we got to see the head, though – that was cool.”

“Yeah.” Dipper nodded in agreement. “I’m definitely going to write what I can about that thing – do you think we could stop by the diner and see if Andrew’s there?”

“He usually is there.” Tambry shrugged. “Susan has him working at practically all hours that the diner’s open.”

“He’s the best cook she’s had,” Lee added. “The guy’s practically a chef.”

Dipper’s eyebrows shot up in response. “Seriously? Then what’s he doing out here?”

“Another mystery to chalk up to Mr. Mystery.” Lee shrugged.

“Guys!” Thompson whined from the car. “Can we go now?”

Wendy shrugged. “We might as well.” She started back to the car. “Thanks for helping us out with the head thing, Tate.”

“Stay out of trouble,” Tate replied. “I don’t want to hear about you causing the Manotaurs to go on a rampage again.”

“Mano- _what?”_ Dipper looked between Tate and Wendy before running after the redhead. “What kind of monsters are those supposed to be?”

**Time Break**

“You think the thing’s got a toothache?” Andrew raised an eyebrow, blinking at the group of young adults standing in front of him.

“Or something like that.” Dipper shrugged. “It’s being bothered by something, whatever it is.”

“Huh.” The older man rubbed his square chin in thought. “Well, if it decided to bellow at ya when you weren’t on a boat, that probably means something’s bugging it.”

“Do you have any idea what that would be?” Robbie frowned.

“Nah.” Andrew shrugged, causing the group to groan. “I only saw the thing – I haven’t tried to _dissect_ it or anything. What kind of guy do you think I am?”

“Do you _really_ want us to answer that?” Robbie asked dryly.

_SLAM!_

“WE’RE BACK!” Grenda roared as she slammed the diner’s door against the wall.

Mabel held a first in the air, a fistful of rainbow-colored strings in her fingers. “And we’ve got unicorn hair!”

“And unicorn tears and unicorn blood.” Candy held up two vials filled with rainbow liquid and shook them a little, smiling.

“I can see you’re also covered in unicorn snot.” Wendy nodded to the trio’s clothes.

“And we have gold!” Grenda grinned widely as she held out a chest. A number of gold coins fell out onto the floor of the diner with a loud clatter.

“Mine!” Andrew lunged forward and snagged the coins before anyone else could move to grab them. “Consider this payment for the mess you’re leaving behind that I’m going to have to clean up later.”

“What happened to your sweater, Mabel?” Dipper stared at the hole where the unicorn had been when he had last seen his sister, while Tambry took the unicorn hair and Candy’s vials.

Mabel looked down at her sweater – which was soaked in the rainbow-colored liquid that was apparently _unicorn snot_ – then back at Dipper and shrugged. “Stuff happened.”

Grenda and Candy exchanged knowing looks.

“So, what happened to you guys?” Mabel looked at Dipper and the rest of the group with wide eyes. “What did you find in the lake?”

Dipper blinked at the question, then quickly recovered from his shock at seeing one of his sister’s sweaters ruined and _she wasn’t bothered by it._ “Oh! There’s a floating head disguised as an island in the lake. It’s gotten really dangerous, though, and we think that there’s something bothering it.”

“Really?” Mabel frowned. “Well, I hope it feels better. I’d like to be able to go see the lake sometime – Candy and Grenda said they get messages from Mermando there!”

“So, what’s with all the gold?” Tambry looked at the chest Grenda was holding with an interested expression.

“The unicorns gave it to us and told us to never come back.” Grenda grinned proudly.

Andrew burst out laughing. “Wow, kid! Not bad!” He grinned. “Make sure you don’t spend it all in one place. People are gonna get suspicious if you start practically throwing stuff like this around.”

The three girls nodded in response.

“So, what do you two kids think of Gravity Falls?” Andrew looked at Dipper and Mabel with a toothy smirk. “I mean, fighting unicorns and seeing a giant floating head probably aren’t things that you saw where you come from.”

“Nope!” Mabel shook her head. “Gravity Falls is cool, though!”

“Yeah.” Dipper nodded. “I can’t wait to see what else there is hiding around town. Maybe I’ll actually be able to find the ‘Hide-Behind’ that everyone else says doesn’t exist.”

“Ha! I’d like to see you try, kid.” Andrew grabbed Dipper and gave him a noogie through his baseball cap.

“H-hey!” Dipper tried to push Andrew off him, but the old man was built like a brick wall.

Andrew chuckled and let Dipper go. “It’s still pretty early in the day. You kids planning on doing some more monster hunting?”

“Nah.” Wendy shook her head. “My dad’s expecting me to help out at the lumber yard today. Besides, Dipper and Mabel do have part-time jobs while they’re here, and it wouldn’t do them any good if they didn’t show up.”

“Oh, yeah!” Dipper’s eyes widened. “I’ve gotta get to the museum!”

“And I’ve gotta get to the library!” Mabel looked down at her sweater. “Probably after I’ve washed up, though – I mean, unicorn snot could be dangerous to books and stuff.”

“I know where Soos keeps the spare key so we can get into his house.” Wendy motioned for the group to follow her out of the diner. “Come on – we’ll take care of that, then split.”

“Meet back here tomorrow for breakfast?” Lee motioned to the diner. “You’re gonna be here, right, Andrew?”

The man shrugged as he stepped into the doorway of the diner. “Probably, yeah. I don’t see why I won’t be.” He looked down at the rainbow-colored puddles that were left where Mabel, Grenda, and Candy had been standing, then he stomped off, muttering something about a mop as the door shut behind him.

“Sure.” Wendy gave a thumbs-up. “I’ll make sure to call ahead if Dad decides to keep me for anything. If he does, show Dipper and Mabel around a couple of old places – introduce them to the gnomes, maybe, or show them that fairy glen we found last summer.”

Robbie shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”

“Fairy glen?” Mabel’s eyes widened. “That sounds so pretty!” She frowned. “Are they going to be as frustrating as the unicorns?”

“Oh, no!” Candy shook her head. “Fairies are very nice. Much nicer than horned horses.”

Grenda nodded enthusiastically in agreement, and Mabel’s expression brightened.

“Good.” Mabel turned to look at Wendy. “Come on! Let’s go to Soos’ house so I can change!”

“I’ll go ahead and go over to the museum, then.” Dipper nodded to his sister. “Good luck keeping the kids’ attention in the library.”

“Thanks!” Mabel puffed out her chest proudly. “I’m looking forward to showing off my arts and crafts talent!” She grinned at Wendy, then took off down the street towards Soos’ house.

“See you later.” Wendy gave Dipper a quick wave and a wink before running after Mabel while the rest of the group started to scatter across the street or pile into Thompson’s van.

Dipper just stood on the sidewalk, watching them go for a moment, before he started the walk across town himself towards where the museum was.

If he’d looked back, though, he would have seen Andrew watching him though one of the diner’s windows with a slight frown on his face.


	3. The Mystery Shack

For the next week and a half, Dipper and Mabel switched back and forth between their part-time jobs and monster hunting with Wendy and her “Mystery Crew.” Dipper was enjoying being able to work in the museum – Nate and Lee worked there, too, and made sure to show him the secret rooms that had been built into the building whenever the curator wasn’t looking. He found out about the “eighth and a half President” incident that the crew had gone through six years ago, which included _Thompson_ being named a Congressman of all things.

Mabel was having just as much fun in the library, toting around her “Arts and Crafts Master” title in front of the kids and aweing them with miniature glitter cannons that she kept hidden in her sleeves for that exact purpose. The puppeteer who had been working in the library didn’t appreciate her type of talent, but the kids certainly did.

“I still can’t believe you managed to drive that creep out of a job.” Wendy grinned at Mabel over her stack of pancakes.

“I still can’t believe it, either!” Mabel looked down at the scrapbook in her hands, looking at the picture of a blond man with two hand puppets kissing each other. “The kids seemed to really like him, too. I guess seeing him make out with his own puppets really set them off.”

Dipper shuddered. “Just _hearing_ about the guy makes me think there’s something off about him. Do you think he was another mystery from Gravity Falls?”

Lee swallowed a mouthful of pancakes and syrup and snorted. “Hardly. The guy lives out of town somewhere. He used to make pretty regular trips to the library to perform during the summer, but he’s probably not going to be coming back now.” He grinned. “Not after Mabel showed him up!”

Robbie laughed in agreement, and was about to add his own two cents when a loud noise suddenly came from the kitchen.

“HAAA-TCHOO!”

Dipper jumped in his seat, causing his pen to make an illegible scribble in his journal. “What—“

“Gideon!” Wendy motioned quickly to Dipper and Mabel. “Hide your books – quick! We don’t want this guy to get any more ideas than he already has about this town!”

Dipper and Mabel didn’t need to be told twice; Mabel’s purple scrapbook quickly disappeared under her purple, cat-themed sweater, while Dipper’s green journal – which had a golden pine tree with a “2” on it glued to the front – was slid into a pocket of the vest he had gotten into the habit of wearing.

At the same time, the door to the diner opened, and a chubby 16-year-old with white hair hairsprayed up into an Elvis-like hairstyle walked in, a cool smirk on his face. He looked around for a moment and instantly noticed the group sitting at the booth.

“Good mornin’, Mabel!” The boy came over to the booth, smiling with perfect teeth.

Mabel shifted a little closer to Dipper, sending the other boy a somewhat sour frown. “What are you doing here, Gideon?”

“Well, I wanted ta check in an’ see how ya were doin’ after the las’ time we ran into each other, that’s all!” Gideon kept his smile going, but it looked too wide and too perfect to be normal.

Tambry looked up from her phone and gave Gideon a lidded stare. “Well, as you can see, she’s perfectly fine. So how about you go bother somebody else for a change – I’m sure there are some other people around town who’d be more than willing to talk your ear off.”

Gideon chuckled as Andrew came out of the kitchen, holding his nose and wincing like it’d just been punched. “Aw, come on! I’m just curious abou’ how ya’ll are doin’ settlin’ in aroun’ here.”

“We’re doing just fine, Gideon,” Dipper replied evenly, frowning.

Mabel nodded in agreement, sitting a little straighter in her seat and keeping her arms wrapped around her stomach, where her scrapbook was hidden. “Yeah. Wendy and everybody else are helping us out just fine.”

“Really?” Gideon raised his eyebrows. “Well, if you’re settled in, how abou’ ya’ll come round the Tent o’ Telepathy tonight? I’m willin’ ta do a special performance if—“

“We’ve already got plans.” Mabel cut Gideon off abruptly. “There’s creatures that live out there at night, and we’re going to start looking for them.”

Dipper blinked at that, then nodded quickly. “Y-yeah.”

Gideon frowned. “Now, hang on just a minute—“

“You heard her, Gideon,” Andrew called over, still hanging onto his nose. “Now stop bothering my customers. And change your hairspray – it’s giving me a headache!”

Gideon whirled to glare at the old man. “I’ll have you know that my hairspray hasn’t ever bothered anyone as much as it’s been botherin’ you, _old man._ ”

“You’d better respect your elders, or so help me I _will_ sneeze in your hair on purpose the next time you get within ten feet of me!” Andrew blinked rapidly for a moment, then ducked under the counter. “HAA-TCHOO!”

Gideon stiffened at that, and he raised his hands to quickly shield his hair as Andrew came back up again. “You wouldn’t dare!”

Andrew gave a dry smirk, only for his nose to start twitching rapidly as his eyes twitched from the force of the muscle spasms going through his nose.

Gideon shrieked and ran out of the diner, and Andrew ducked under the counter as soon as the door shut behind the boy in the powder blue suit. “HAA-TCHOO!”

When the old man came back up, he and Wendy exchanged a pair of wide grins.

“Nice one, Andrew.” Wendy gave him a thumbs-up. “I’ve never seen him run so fast!”

Andrew chuckled dryly. “We’re lucky you kids are the only ones in here this morning. I wouldn’t be able to do something like that if you weren’t.”

“Wow. When Wendy said you were practically allergic to him, she wasn’t kidding.” Dipper stared at him, wide-eyed.

“Is it really his hairspray?” Mabel asked.

Andrew waved a hand. “Eeeeh. It’s a little hard to explain, so I’ll go with that.” He leaned against the counter. “Are you really planning on going out tonight?”

“W-well, we had been _thinking_ about it,” Dipper admitted. “But I didn’t think that we’d go out tonight. Maybe next week?”

Mabel shook her head. “I don’t want to be anywhere _near_ town if Gideon thinks that I’m going to be out. Let’s do it tonight.”

“You guys should go check out that old abandoned shack off Gopher Road, then.” Lee grinned.

“Abandoned shack?” Dipper looked at Lee with a wide-eyed, curious expression. “What abandoned shack?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Andrew stiffen a little, but his attention was pulled away from the man when Robbie started talking.

“There’s this old shack out in the woods that was built over forty years ago, and it’s been abandoned for over thirty.” Robbie gave a sinister grin. “We hear things about the place sometimes. Like how it looks completely abandoned during the day, but the doors are always locked and it’s impossible to break in.”

“Or how the entire place lights up at all hours of the night,” Lee added. “Nobody’s really been able to get close enough recently, but some people who drive down the road some nights can see the lights shining through the trees.”

“Some people think it’s haunted.” Robbie shrugged. “Other people think some kinda hermit lives out there and doesn’t like being disturbed.”

“And then there are some people who say that _monsters_ live in the house, and they’ll eat you if you manage to get inside!” Lee shifted forward suddenly, like he was going to leap across the table and grab Dipper, making him flinch back in surprise.

“We tried to poke around the place last summer.” Tambry looked up from her phone again. “I for one don’t plan on going back.”

“Me neither.” Wendy shook her head. “I can still remember how those eyes felt like they dug into my soul.” She shuddered.

“Eyes?” Mabel blinked. “What eyes?”

“Red and green ones.” Wendy paused. “When we found the place last summer, and the front door was unlocked. We stepped inside, and the next thing I remember were two sets of glowing eyes – red and green. Then I blacked out and woke up in bed back at home.”

“We probably _would_ have thought that the whole thing was a dream if we hadn’t told Andrew we were going to the shack the day before,” Lee added.

“It felt so _weird.”_ Robbie shuddered. “Like they were staring right into my soul.” A hand drifted over the stitched-up heart that he had on his black hoodie.

Dipper pulled out his journal and opened it to where he had been writing a moment ago, then turned to a new page and started writing. “Do you think there are magical creatures living in there? Ghosts, maybe?”

“I’ve seen those eyes, and I know they aren’t ghosts.”

The group of six looked sharply at Andrew, eyes wide as the man looked back at them with a frowning expression.

“Then…what are they?” Dipper frowned.

Andrew shrugged. “I don’t really remember much of the experience myself, but I know that those eyes _don’t_ belong to ghosts – they’re probably something _much_ more dangerous than that.” He picked up a mug of coffee that was sitting on the counter.

“Psssh!” Mabel waved off Andrew’s statement. “We’ll be fine. We Pines are more resilient than we look!”

The coffee Andrew _had_ been drinking was suddenly spat out in a massive spit-take that left the old man coughing and gagging while coffee dripped off the counter and onto the floor and the stools.

“Whoa!” Wendy leapt to her feet. “Are you feeling okay?!”

Andrew let out another cough, then shook his head and rubbed his throat and winced. “I’m fine. Coffee just decided it’d try to go down the wrong pipe, that’s all.” He frowned at Dipper and Mabel. “Resilient or not, whatever’s living out there won’t take too kindly to people barging in unannounced. I wouldn’t recommend going out there.”

With that, Andrew retreated back into the kitchen, leaving his coffee mess to keep dripping down off the counter and onto the floor.

“You guys must’ve really spooked him.” Robbie raised an eyebrow at Dipper and Mabel as Wendy slipped out of the booth and started over to the janitor’s closet of the diner. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him make that much of a mess before.” He nodded to the counter as Wendy pulled out a mop.

“We spooked him?” Dipper raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t think that was possible, considering all the stuff you guys have around here.”

“Well, that shack doesn’t have the best of reputations.” Lee leaned forward and added in a loud whisper, “People say out-of-towners will go out there and end up disappearing sometimes.”

Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks at that.

“Well, I think it’s a bit too late to try and convince us otherwise.” Dipper looked down at his journal, where he had written “Mystery Shack” in large letters across the top of a page. “If we’re going to stay away from Gideon tonight, we might as well have a look at this shack ourselves.”

“Don’t say we didn’t warn you,” Tambry spoke up. “Everything changes out there after sundown. Take something with you to defend yourselves when you do head out.”

“Yeah.” Wendy finished mopping up the coffee puddle on the floor and leaned against the mop. “Flashlights are definitely a must, and maybe a couple tasers to keep the monsters off your back.”

“Gotcha.” Mabel nodded. “You’ve got that stuff, right, Tambry?”

“Yup.” Tambry nodded. “Swing by my place before you head out; I’ll have them for whenever your ready.”

“Thanks.” Dipper gave her a thumbs-up. “I’ll make sure to come over after the museum closes.”

“I’ll meet you there!” Mabel grinned at her brother and held out a fist. “Mystery Twins!”

“Mystery Twins!” Dipper returned the fist-bump.

**Time Break**

The day seemed reluctant to let the Pines get away from their jobs and out into the woods to investigate the shack. Eventually, however, their jobs did have to let them go, and Dipper and Mabel instantly went to Tambry’s house to pick up the tasers that Wendy had mentioned earlier.

“If you guys really want to go out there to find the shack, you’re going to have to wait until it’s almost completely dark.” The dark-haired woman handed over a pair of black-and-purple tasers that looked a little too beaten-up to be used by regular police officers. “The sun’s still up, so the shack’s going to look normal if you go out there now.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that.” Dipper dropped his taser into his backpack and zipped it shut. “Soos and Melody know what we’re planning on doing, so we should be okay heading out of the house after dark. We remember where Soos keeps the spare key, so if we get locked out we can get back in.”

“And we’ve got snacks, too.” Mabel patted her own backpack. “You know, just in case we end up getting hungry out there.”

“You’re probably going to be spending more time running from monsters than sitting and eating,” Tambry replied with a deadpan tone. “Sun goes down around here after ten, so you’ve got about three hours.”

“Thanks.” Dipper nodded. He frowned slightly. “Hey, uh…have you seen Andrew around? I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

Tambry shrugged. “I stopped by the diner a couple hours after we split. Susan said that he took off early and said he needed the rest of the day off.”

“Is he feeling okay?” Mabel frowned, concerned. “I haven’t heard him taking a day off before….”

“It happens about once a month.” Tambry shrugged. “Andrew’s a good cook and works a lot in the kitchen, so Susan’s willing to let him have a few days off every once in a while. It’s like he disappears off the face of the earth when it happens, though.”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks.

“That sounds _pretty_ mysterious.” Dipper looked back at Tambry with a raised eyebrow. He pulled out his journal and opened it to a page that had “Andrew??” written at the top, as well as the man’s various fake names.

Tambry leaned forward and looked down at the pages. “I thought you said you were keeping that thing to be used for just the monsters that are hiding around here.”

“That’s for the most part. I’m also planning on solving some of the mysteries that are around here, too.” Dipper pulled out a pen and chewed on one end for a moment before adding a note near the top, under a vague sketch of Andrew’s face. _Occasionally disappears from Gravity Falls – where does he go?_

“Dipper’s really big into mysteries.” Mabel shrugged. “Andrew just happens to be another one.”

“And I _am_ going to figure him out.” Dipper closed his journal and put it back in his vest.

Tambry shrugged. “You can go ahead and try, but I don’t think that you’re going to be able to get anything out of the guy. Or anybody else in town.”

Dipper frowned. “Well, maybe I won’t have to. There are a lot of clues here already – like the tree pattern that shows up in a lot of the different names he’s used. That could be a clue as to what his last name is.”

Mabel’s eyes widened. “Oh! Do you think he could be related to us?”

Tambry raised an eyebrow. “Him? Related to the two of you? I doubt it.”

“Yeah, I’m doubtful about that, too.” Dipper frowned. “Mom and Dad didn’t say anything about us having relatives up here.”

“Maybe he’s a distant relative?”

Dipper snorted. “Maybe. I still doubt it, though.” He looked back at Tambry. “Thanks for the tasers. Hopefully, we won’t have to use them.”

“Considering what lives out there….” Tambry trailed off, then shook her head. “Good luck. You’re going to need it.”

**Time Break**

True to Tambry’s word, the sun was gone and the stars were out not too long after ten. Dipper and Mabel left Soos’ house as soon as they were sure the sun was gone, armed with a pair of flashlights, the borrowed tasers, and their backpacks.

Dipper tilted his head back a little to look at the tall trees that loomed above their heads. “Wow. They weren’t kidding when they said the forest practically transforms overnight. This looks like one of those woods in the horror films.”

“Well, it can’t be _that_ bad.” Mabel waved the flashlight around, motioning up to the black sky above them. “The full moon’s out – we should be able to see anything that’s going to try to come at us, no problem! Come on – let’s go check out that shack!” She started ahead, her flashlight casting a large circle of light on the ground ahead of her.

Dipper followed after her almost instantly. “Mabel, don’t get too far ahead! We have to stick together!”

“Don’t worry, bro-bro!” Mabel’s mouth scrunched up into a scowl. “I know that! This isn’t like those horror films you like to watch so much!”

“It could end up becoming like that if we aren’t careful,” Dipper hissed in reply. “Just…promise me you’re not going to run after something willy-nilly.”

“Promise.” Mabel poked her brother in the nose, causing him to flinch back a bit and frown at her. “You said you wanted to find that shack, right? So let’s go!”

“All right, all right!” Dipper turned to face the dark woods ahead of them, and took in a breath to steel himself; there was something about going into places at night that made horror films even creepier than they already were, and he was already starting to feel a little unnerved at how the forest around Gravity Falls appeared to be.

The twins started walking forward, staying side-by-side and in step with each other. Within moments, the forest had engulfed them, blocking most of the light that was coming from the moon and stars.

Dipper waved his flashlight around, trying to get a good look at the trees and whatever else could end up being in the forest around them. “When they said the forest seemed to transform during the night, they weren’t kidding.”

Mabel nodded. “I’m…starting to get a bad feeling about us being out here alone.” She looked at Dipper. “Do you think we could convince Candy and Grenda to come out here with us? Or Pacifica?”

Dipper frowned at the names of the three girls. “I dunno. Grenda and Candy, maybe. Pacifica hasn’t had enough experience doing stuff like this kind of thing yet, and besides, didn’t she say she’d rather stay _out_ of stuff like this?”

“Well, yeah, but she really shouldn’t knock it till she tries it! She may be rich and all, but that doesn’t mean she can just ignore life outside of that big mansion of hers!” Mabel swung her arms out in a grand motion to the forest around them, nearly hitting her brother with her flashlight. “This kind of experience is priceless, so she wouldn’t be losing any of her money or anything.”

Dipper rolled his eyes. “I think she’s got so much money that she won’t care how much she spends.”

_Grrrrrrrr…._

Dipper stopped, causing Mabel to turn and look at him.

“Was that…your stomach?” Dipper asked hesitantly.

_Grrrrrrrr…._

Mabel looked down at her middle, then back at Dipper and shook her head. “No. Was it yours?”

Dipper shook his head, then moved closer to Mabel, who shifted so that they could stand back to back. They started circling, waving their flashlights around in order to find where the source of the growling was coming from. “Where is it?”

_Grrrrrrrr…._

Mabel stiffened. “It’s getting closer.”

Something shifted in the bushes near them, causing Dipper and Mabel to both turn their flashlights towards where the sound was coming from.

The bushes shifted again, then started to part as a large, dark gray shadow forced its way past them and into the light from the twins’ flashlights. The orange-yellow eyes almost seemed to glow in the light as the monster’s lips were pulled back in a snarl.

Dipper’s flashlight started shaking, and he grabbed Mabel’s free hand with his own. “Run.”

Mabel didn’t need to be told twice. She turned and bolted away from the furry monster, dragging Dipper with her as he struggled to get his feet moving at the same pace as his sister’s.

“Oooooooo!”

The loud, keening cry that came from behind them only gave them an extra rush of adrenaline.

“Do you think it’s coming after us?” Mabel started to turn her head.

“Don’t look back!” Dipper barked. “We have to find someplace safe – let’s see if we can reach the fairy glen! Maybe it won’t be able to get us there!”

There came the sound of branches snapping ahead of them, and the monster was suddenly in front of them again – only, this time, Mabel and Dipper were able to see its entire form.

Dipper pulled Mabel away from the monster this time, taking a sharp turn to the left and daring to glance back for only a second before seeing the creature disappear into the underbrush.

“Did you see that?!” Mabel’s eyes were wide. “It looked like a wolf, but at the same time it wasn’t!”

“Yeah, I saw that.” Dipper concentrated on what was in front of them, making sure that there weren’t any fallen tree trunks or large branches that were in their path.

“What do you think it is?” Despite the fact that they were running as quickly as they could over uneven ground, Mabel still managed to find breath to be able to ask.

Dipper was about to answer when they suddenly broke out of the trees and entered a clearing with a large pool of moonlight.

And right in the middle of the clearing was a large, wooden house that had probably seen better days.

Dipper didn’t think twice. He ran straight for the building even as the monster howled behind them and broke out through the trees when the twins were halfway across the clearing.

“Go go go!” Dipper ran up onto the porch and grabbed the doorknob. “Come on, come on –“

The doorknob turned, and the door opened quickly on well-oiled hinges.

Dipper pulled Mabel inside and slammed the door shut behind them without so much as thinking about where it was he was going, or why the door was even unlocked this late at night.

Besides, if the furry monster out there really _was_ a werewolf, he wasn’t planning on spending the entire night running around in the woods trying to avoid getting bitten.


	4. You're a what?!

Dipper slammed his back against the door, then bent over and leaned on his knees, gasping for breath. Next to him, Mabel collapsed to the floor and leaned against the wall next to the door and took deep breaths.

There came the faint sound of claws clicking against wood on the other side of the door, and a snuffling noise that made Dipper wonder if the werewolf on the other side was trying to find a way in. Then it let out a huffing noise, which was followed shortly by the fading clicking sound.

Dipper dared to glance out the window in the door in order to see what it was that the monster was doing, and he caught sight of it sitting down in a patch of moonlight a short distance from the door, large, fluffy gray tail curling over its paws.

Dipper sighed and slid down to the floor. “Okay. I don’t think he’s gonna come in after us.”

Mabel let out a sigh herself. “I…think I’ll take back ever wanting to be bit by a werewolf. That was _too_ scary.”

_Thud._

Mabel and Dipper turned sharply at the noise, eyes widening sharply when they saw a tall, skinny man with skin as pale as death and blood-red eyes leap to his feet, a book falling to the floor.

Dipper’s eyes widened even further when he remembered what Wendy and the others had said. Andrew’s voice came back the clearest.

_“I’ve seen those eyes, and I know they aren’t ghosts.”_

Dipper suddenly felt like he’d been stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Mabel sucked in a breath sharply. “D-dipper?”

The red-eyed man gritted his teeth, revealing a set of fangs that only made the twins’ eyes even wider. “ ** _Ford!_** Get up here _righ’ now_!”

Dipper blinked owlishly at the echo of power that was in the man’s voice – as well as the twinge of a Southern accent that it held.

_FWASH!_

Dipper and Mabel stiffened at the bright green flash that suddenly went off in front of the bookcase near the back of the room.

“What is it?” The figure who had materialized – a man with pointed ears, brown hair, green-tinted skin, and glowing _completely_ green eyes with slit pupils – looked at the other man with a raised eyebrow. In his hands were a pen and a book with a maroon cover that had a gold, six-fingered hand on it.

“You said there weren’t any kids out there.” The pale man nodded to Dipper and Mabel, who looked back and forth between the two of them with ever-widening eyes.

“Red and green eyes – just like Wendy said!” Mabel whispered in Dipper’s ear.

He nodded absently, not taking his eyes away from the green-eyed man. There was something about him that looked…oddly familiar.

The green-eyed man’s eyes widened sharply when he caught sight of the two of them. “They weren’t out there half an hour ago, I can tell you that!”

The red-eyed man let out a slight growl in response. “Heaven’s ta Besty. I’d have thought that those kids would have learned something about comin’ into the woods at this time of the month by now.”

The green-eyed man started nodding in agreement, but then paused as his nose visibly twitched. He closed the book in his hand with a _snap!_ and quickly stowed away it and his pen inside the tan trench coat he was wearing. “Glitter and pine trees, just like Stanley said.” He moved closer to the twins, causing Dipper to shift in front of Mabel defensively when he caught sight of the claw-like bare feet the man had – clearly, he wasn’t human.

“St-Stanley?” Mabel spoke up hesitantly. “Who—“

The red-eyed man huffed, then walked over to the door, causing Dipper and Mabel to scoot away, still on the floor. They watched warily as the man peered out the window.

The man huffed again. “This must be one of his more lucid nights – he’s grinnin’ like a _loon_ out there.”

“He might have chased these two here for a reason, then.” The green-eyed man got down in a crouch in front of Dipper, cocking his head to one side as he looked the two teenagers over. “Who are you two, and what are you doing out here at this time of night?”

Dipper was hesitant to respond, but considering that they were trapped in a house with two more monsters by the werewolf outside, he figured that he wasn’t really in a position to withhold information. “I’m Dipper Pines, and this is my twin sister, Mabel. A-a couple friends of ours told us about this place, and we decided t-to check it out.”

The green-eyed man’s ears stiffened suddenly, the pointed tips quivering as his eyes widened. “Pines? Truly?”

“It _can’t_ be.” The red-eyed man’s eyes were just as wide, but he quickly recovered himself and frowned. “Not unless Stanley—“

“No, no, not him. Stanley may have done a lot of things, but he hasn’t done _that._ ” The other shook his head, then paused before looking back at Dipper and Mabel. “You wouldn’t happen to be related to a Sherman Pines, would you?”

“You know our grandpa?” Mabel blinked in surprise.

The green-eyed man’s ears were quivering even _more,_ now, if that was even possible. His legs bunched under him like he was about to leap, but he remained in place. “D-did he ever tell you if he grew up with brothers?”

“I think he might have said something a couple times.” Mabel scratched her head, frowning. “Dipper? Do you remember what Grandpa Shermie said?”

“He said they were twins like us.” Dipper’s eyebrows dipped down into a frown. “But…they disappeared a long time ago. Nobody’s heard from them in years.”

The green-eyed man let his legs collapse into a cross-legged sitting position, eyes wide. Then he let out a choked laugh and put his head in his hands. “I can’t believe it. After all these years….”

“So these kids _are_ related to you?” The red-eyed man looked at him curiously.

The green-eyed man laughed again and looked up at Dipper and Mabel with an expression on his face that made Dipper think of a dog that had been waiting for his master to come home. “My name is Stanford Pines. I’m…I’m one of Shermie’s missing brothers.” He gave a gentle smile, letting a pair of fangs peek out as he held out a hand. “I guess that would make me your great-uncle.”

Dipper’s jaw dropped. “You’re our _what?”_

“Cool!” Mabel grasped the hand and shook it. “Oh!” She turned Stanford’s hand this way and that, eyes widening. “Four...Five… Oh my gosh! You’ve got six fingers – that’s one finger friendlier than normal!”

“Wait – what?” Dipper looked at Stanford’s hand, while the man himself looked surprised at the exclamation. “Oh, hey! That’s pretty cool!”

Stanford smiled and chuckled. “Thank you.”

“Maybe you should show him your birthmark!” Mabel let Stanford’s hand go and nudged her brother.

“Birthmark?” Stanford’s eyebrows rose as his ears twitched.

Dipper sighed, and took off his baseball cap and pushed his hair up above his forehead, revealing a number of dots connected together in the form of—

“Is that the Big Dipper?” The red-eyed man leaned over and looked at Dipper’s forehead with interest.

Dipper nodded. “Yeah. It’s also why I’m called Dipper – it’s not my real name, but enough people use it that it may as well be.” He let his hair drop again, then frowned. “And…you are?”

The red-eyed man put his hands behind his back and smiled sheepishly – an odd contrast to the annoyed expression that had been on his face when the two had stumbled in. “The name’s Fiddleford MaGucket. I’m Stanford’s research partner.”

“Research?” Dipper perked up instantly. “Researching what?”

“Were you born an albino?” Mabel looked up at him with wide eyes.

Fiddleford and Stanford exchanged looks at the questions, the smiles fading a little.

“Ah…I’m afraid it’s a bit more complicated than that,” Fiddleford said carefully.

“A lot more.” Stanford’s pointed ears flattened out so that it looked like he had cones glued to the sides of his head.

“Well, we’re going to have to wait until that werewolf goes away so that we can go back to Soos’ place, so if it’s a long story, we’ve got time.” Mabel stood up and looked out the window that was in the door. “And he’s still out there – hey, he _is_ grinning!”

“What?” Dipper scrambled to his feet and looked out, then raised an eyebrow when he saw that the werewolf was still sitting in the moonlight, and his lips had pulled back to reveal all his fangs meshed together neatly. “I’m not sure if that’s a grin or a grimace.”

“Oh, it’s a grin, all right,” Fiddleford huffed as Stanford rose to his feet. “I’ve seen that look on that loon’s face more n’ enough times to know.”

“And you said that his name’s Stanley?” Mabel looked over at Fiddleford.

Fiddleford nodded. “Yup. You’ll probably get to meet ‘im properly tomorrow mornin’. I doubt he’s gonna let you out of here so easily.”

“They will meet him _after_ he’s put some clothes on,” Stanford said pointedly. “I will _not_ have my brother walking around the house naked.”

“Brother?” Dipper looked at Stanford sharply, filing the other comments into the back of his head for later. “You mean—“

“He is my twin brother, yes.” Stanford nodded. “He works in the diner in town as a cook, I believe. Perhaps you’ve met him?”

Dipper frowned at that. “He works—“ His eyes widened sharply. “Andrew! So his real name’s Stanley?”

“ _That_ explains why he spat out his coffee this morning!” Mabel exclaimed. “He didn’t expect our last name to be Pines!” Her excited expression faded a moment later. “But…he looks older than you. A lot older.”

Stanford hesitated. “Yes, well…there is an unfortunate reason for that.”

Dipper looked out the window again at the werewolf – Andrew – Stanley. “Well, I don’t think he’s going to let us leave, so….”

Fiddleford pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing up the glasses that were perched there. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like a string of curses before letting out an irritated sigh. “Well, if Stanley’s so insistent, I don’ see how we’re gonna be able ta get out of it. You two might want to sit down – it’s a bit of a long yarn.”

Stanford walked over to the couch with the twins and sat down at one end – the one closer to the bookcase. Dipper and Mabel sat down on the other, while Fiddleford remained standing.

“Ya said yer grandfather said his brothers disappeared.” Fiddelford put his hands behind his back again. “Do ya know how long ago that was?”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks at that.

“Well…it was before we were born.” Dipper scratched his head. “We’re eighteen, so…I think Grandpa Shermie said it was 30 years when we were twelve?”

“But, if you guys are still alive, then why didn’t you—“

“Technically, only _Stanley_ is the one who is alive.” Stanford ran a hand down his face, his ears drooping. “Technically speaking.”

Dipper stared at Stanford. “You mean…you’re _undead?_ What kind of—“

“I was transformed into a ghoul 40 years ago.” Stanford dropped his hand from where it had stopped over his mouth, and he looked at the twins with an unhappy expression – the kind that a puppy would have after having been found chewing on someone’s shoes. “And I’ve remained in that state ever since.”

Dipper’s eyes widened while Mabel’s hands were slapped over her mouth.

“Y-you…you’re a _what?”_ Dipper’s hands twitched; he longed to pull out his journal and start writing, but he didn’t want to seem impolite. He quickly drew on what he knew and had heard about ghouls. “B-but – wouldn’t that mean that you…you _feast_ on—“

“Yes, yes, we do need something of that sort occasionally.” Stanford waved a hand as though he didn’t exactly care, but he still looked a little unhappy at what Dipper was implying. “We’ve been able to make do with small animals and the occasional blood donation from Stanley and what he can get from the hospital. Technically, I _should_ be eating human corpses in order to find sustenance, but I am _not_ planning on stooping that low.”

“We?” Dipper looked at Fiddleford, who grinned, revealing his fangs again. “You’re not a ghoul, are you.”

Fiddleford shook his head. “I’m a vampire.”

Mabel let out a squealing noise, but it was muffled because of her hands, which she instantly dropped. “No way!”

“Yes, way. People don’t normally develop red eyes.” Fiddleford motioned to his face.

“But…how?” Dipper looked between the two men. “People don’t just transform like this without a reason!”

“Were you bit by a vampire or something?” Mabel piped up.

Fiddleford and Stanford exchanged looks.

Dipper noticed the expression that was on the men’s faces, and he frowned. “Great-uncle Stanford, how much of the story are you willing to tell?”

“Please – call me Ford.” Ford ran a hand through his brown hair, making Dipper notice the small, claw-like nails more than when he had counted his great-uncle’s fingers. “There is…well, to understand _why_ I would have been placed in a situation like this in the first place, you have to understand why I came out to Gravity Falls. Initially, I came out here to do research on the paranatural creatures that live here.”

“Really?” Dipper reached into his vest and pulled out his journal. “That’s the reason we came here, too! There’s a lot more here than there is back in Piedmont, California.”

Ford’s ears perked up at that. “Really? How did you start investigating?”

“He found a nest of brownies under the high school gym.” Mabel giggled. “He came home so clean after he found it that he made Mom and Dad nervous!”

“Fascinating!”

Fiddleford cleared his throat. “Ford, we’ve got a story ta tell. Ya’ll can exchange notes later.”

“Oh! Right, right.” Ford chuckled. “Sorry – I tend to get a little carried away sometimes. Anyway, when I arrived here, I was instantly pulled into the weirdness of Gravity Falls and started researching immediately. Fiddleford joined me later when I discovered a UFO under the hill.”

Dipper’s eyes bulged. “A _UFO?_ Here?!”

“Yes; I’ll have to show it to you later. Fiddleford was helping me with some of the technology – taking it apart, discovering how exactly it worked, and why the UFO might have ended up crashing here in the first place.” Ford paused. “And then…well, I may have underestimated the local flora and fauna. Do you know _how_ ghouls come to be, Dipper?”

Dipper frowned. “Not…not really. Did you get bitten, or…?”

Ford shook his head. “When a human becomes a ghoul, the transformation is caused by contact with a strong venom – usually the kind that vampires have in their bodies.”

Mabel and Dipper stared at Fiddleford, who shook his head.

“I didn’t cause this.” The vampire raised his hands. “I would never do that to my college roommate.”

“I was poisoned by…another kind of monster.” Ford paused. “It took us a few days to figure out what exactly it was that I had become, and by the time that we did, well…I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“He’d been refusin’ my offer to let ‘im drink my blood,” Fiddleford said pointedly. “Ghouls need it as much as vampires do. Refusing it meant that the cells he had were starting to decay – undead creatures, as a general rule, aren’t able to create _new_ cells, so we have to find other ways to keep ourselves moving.”

“And he didn’t want to take your blood because—“

“I didn’t want to hurt him.” Ford gained a sour expression as Dipper stared at his great-uncle. “I didn’t want to become even more of a monster than I already was, and dealing with the new instincts that came with the transformation –“

“New instincts?” Mabel gained an interested expression. “You mean the ears thing wasn’t the only thing you got?” She motioned to her own normal, rounded ears.

Ford gave a weak smile. “I’m afraid not. Ghouls tend to act a little more…animalistic. I identified you by scent initially, for example.”

“He also tends to growl a little.” Fiddleford smirked. “And if you scratch him in the right place—“

Ford cleared his throat. “Yes. Well. Unfortunately, there is a downside to actually _being_ a ghoul, besides the fact that I was forced to…become somewhat cannibalistic.” He shot Fiddleford a look before looking back at Dipper and Mabel, his ears drooping. “They are said to be servants of whatever creature transformed them. And…I can confirm that as truth.”

Dipper’s and Mabel’s eyes widened sharply.

Ford adjusted the collar of his shirt carefully, looking uneasy. “In order to…rescue me from my fate, Fiddleford made a trade with the monster: his mortality for my freedom from whatever _he_ might have had planned for me. As a result, well….” He motioned to Fiddleford.

“I became a vampire as a result of that. First thing I did was make sure that Ford wouldn’t end up under anybody else who might try the same things that the beastie was probably planning.” Fiddleford’s expression twisted into a snarl.

“Th-then...” Dipper looked back and forth between the two of them. “That means that…Great-uncle Ford is—“

“We don’t tend to dwell on it unless we absolutely have to.” Ford seemed to be trying to wave off the twins’ concern, but his voice was tired.

“That green flash!” Mabel realized. “Does that have a part in—“

“Yes.” Ford nodded, his ears drooping a little.

“I am capable of summoning him from wherever he happens to be if I need him for something.” Fiddleford gained a wry smirk. “Usually, it’s so that Stanford can get some rest. Undead he may be, but a night owl he is _not._ ”

Ford scowled at that, his ears twitching in agitation. “It is _very_ difficult to be able to gather research on the various creatures here in Gravity Falls without watching them at all hours. If it were not for the information that Stanley brings back because of the children living in town, I doubt that I would be able to gather as much information as I have.”

“Chil – Wendy!” Dipper leaned forward. “You’re relying on Wendy and the others to get the information for you?”

“But why?” Mabel frowned. “Can’t you do that yourself?”

“Ah – well, after my transformation, I’m afraid that the local wildlife took to liking me even _less_ than they already did.” Ford’s eyes trailed to a window and the dark forest outside. “I can understand their concern; they most likely thought that I would end up eating them after I was done researching their species.”

“Oh.” Dipper sat back. “I…I guess that would cause a number of problems.”

“It caused even more problems when he found out he could stay awake for days.” Fiddleford huffed, folding his arms across his chest. “If he had decided to _keep_ that habit, he’d have started eating a _lot_ more than if he’d kept up with his old human habits. Now I hafta _remind_ him from time to time that sleep is just as important.”

Ford gained a disgruntled frown at that. “I am more than aware of how important sleep is, Fiddleford.”

“Well then, it might be a good idea if you got some. It’s nearly midnight.” Fiddleford nodded to the analog clock up on the wall. “Stanley won’t let them return to where they’re stayin’, which means they’ll have ta spend the nigh’ here.”

Ford ran a hand through his hair again. “We don’t _have_ a guest bedroom.”

“We can sleep down here,” Mabel spoke up. “Dipper and I have slept on the couch before.”

“Yeah.” Dipper nodded in agreement. “When we came down with the flu, we slept on the couch so that we could watch TV whenever we wanted.”

“Then it’s settled!” Fiddleford clapped his hands. “I’ll go find the spare blankets. And Ford, _please_ make sure you get some sleep this time.”

“Yes, yes.” Ford waved off Fiddleford’s meaningful look as the vampire walked out of the room. He sighed irritably as soon as the vampire was gone. “I _had_ been planning on investigating the floating head in the lake tonight – to see if it really does have a toothache.”

“If it yelled at us, it would probably try to _eat_ you,” Dipper replied dryly.

Ford gained a wry smile. “Perhaps. But it might find me quite inedible. I’m afraid that I’m quite tough.” He pushed himself off the couch. “Well, I _have_ been avoiding sleep for the last two days. Fiddleford will force me to sleep if I stay up even a few more hours tonight.”

“Do you think you could sleep down here?” Mabel cocked her head curiously.

Ford quirked an eyebrow at the question.

“Mabel!” Dipper stared at his sister in surprise. “He’s got a bed that he can sleep in – he—“

“It’ll be like a sleepover!” Mabel insisted. She frowned. “We probably won’t be playing any games or anything, though, but we _are_ sleeping over.”

“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean that great-uncle Ford has to sleep down _here!”_

“Well, why not?” Mabel looked at Ford with a questioning gaze. “What do you think, great-uncle Ford?”

Ford blinked at the question, his ears twitching. A frown crossed his face a moment later as he put a hand to his chin in thought. “Hmm….”


	5. Questions and Answers

Dipper and Mabel awoke the next morning to the sound of a door slamming shut, only for a pair of green-tinted hands to slap over their eyes abruptly.

“H-hey!” Dipper reached up and tried to pull the hand off. “What’s—“

“Put on some clothes, you animalistic barbarian!”

Dipper paused when he heard the voice, and he quickly remembered where exactly he was: the mysterious shack in the woods, owned by his ghoulish great-uncle and his vampiric research partner.

“Well good morning to you, too, Poindexter,” came a gruff reply.

Mabel gasped. “Andr – Great-uncle Stanley!”

“Great-uncle?” The voice sounded surprised. “So they’re—“

“Shermie’s grandchildren, yes.” Ford sounded irritated. “I’ll let you introduce yourself to them properly _after_ you put on some clothes!”

“Wait.” Dipper’s mouth shifted into a tight, straight line. “You mean he’s—“

“Oh, yes.” Ford’s voice carried a slight growl in it.

Mabel squeaked. “Great-uncle Stanley, could you _please_ go put some clothes on? I don’t wanna see you in your birthday suit.”

“All right, all right.” Stanley muttered something under his breath, and Dipper heard the floor creaking as the old man walked away.

Ford waited about half a minute before he let his hands drop from the twins’ faces. “My apologies for startling you, but I did not intend to let you see Stanley in his present state.”

“It’s all right.” Mabel shook her head. “Your hand felt kinda weird, though. Like leathery or furry something.”

“Well, that is to be expected, I suppose.” Ford looked down at his own hands, clenching and unclenching his fingers. “I did go through some physical changes when I was transformed; the fact that my skin changed its texture as well as its color in the process doesn’t surprise me.”

Dipper pulled his legs out from behind Ford, Mabel doing the same. They left the blanket Fiddleford had brought down behind the ghoul. “Can you tell if you feel any different? Or do you have to rely on other people to make the observations?”

“The latter.” Ford pushed himself off the couch and rose to his feet. “The venom’s affect on my body was gradual; it gave me time to get used most of what was being done to me. I noticed the more obvious signs before I even thought to consider the details. Fiddleford and Stanley filled in the blanks for me.”

“Have you heard Ford purr yet?” Stanley stepped into the room, pulling on a red jacket over a black T-shirt. The wide grin on his face showed teeth that appeared to be slightly sharper than normal.

“Purr?” Mabel looked up at Ford in surprise while the ghoul gained an annoyed expression.

“Was that what Fiddleford was talking about?” Dipper raised an eyebrow.

Stanley’s grin widened. “You didn’t tell them, Poindexter? You know you _like_ it.”

Ford scowled. “I am _supposed_ to be professional.”

“Kinda hard to take you seriously with those ears.” Stanley reached over to one of Ford’s ears, but the ghoul ducked out of the way.

“Shouldn’t you be getting to work?” Ford asked snappily.

“That can wait.” Stanley made to grab his brother again, but Ford was on the other side of the room in seconds. “Oh, come on! You really oughta relax for once!”

“I slept last night!”

“And you still look as stiff as a corpse!” Stanley’s nose visibly twitched. “And you smell like chemicals. You were down in your lab again.”

“Before Dipper and Mabel arrived here, yes!”

“You have a heightened sense of smell even now?” Dipper whipped out his journal and started writing quickly. “That’s incredible! I didn’t think that traits like that carried over between your different forms, great-uncle Stanley!”

“Call me Stan, kid; it’s shorter.” Stan ruffled Dipper’s already mussed-up hair. “And we need to think of something shorter than ‘great-uncle’. That sounds like more of a mouthful than it needs to be.”

Dipper ducked away from Stan’s hand, then ran his fingers through his hair in order to try to get it to look at least somewhat decent.

“As for your question, yeah that stuff carries over.” Stan rubbed his nose, smirking. “The nose does, anyway. I’m rather proud of it.” He frowned. “Except when those _Gleefuls_ are nearby. Ugh.”

“You mean…it isn’t Gideon’s _hairspray_ that makes you sneeze? It’s _him_?” Mabel’s eyes widened. “How bad does he smell, Grunkle Stan? Like a rotten fish or something?”

“It’s not so much something rotten as something—“ Stan paused. “Wait. Grunkle?”

“I just smooshed ‘great-uncle’ into one word.” Mabel grinned. “Will that work?”

Stan rubbed his chin in thought for a moment, then grinned. “Yeah, sure; I don’t see why not. Grunkle it is.”

Across the room, Ford rolled his eyes and sighed through his nose, but he smirked in amusement.

“So, what _does_ Gideon smell like?” Dipper frowned.

“Like a slimey sleezeball.” Stan’s nose twitched like he was about to sneeze. “Just thinking about him makes me feel like I’ve got allergies all over again.”

“You probably _are_ allergic to him,” Ford pointed out.

“Eh. Well, I guess that makes the claim that I’m allergic to his hair products a little more true.” Stan grinned.

_Riing! Riing!_

Ford winced at the sudden sound of a phone going off. “Stanley—“

“Relax; I said I wasn’t giving out the house’s number, remember?” Stan pulled a flip phone out of his pocket. “Well, whaddaya know? It’s Lumberjill.” He flipped the phone open and held it up to his ear. “Heya, kiddo. What’s up?” The grin that was on his face faded slightly. “Whoa, whoa, calm down.” He looked over at Dipper and Mabel, who were watching him with curious expressions. “They’re fine – not a scratch on them. They wandered over to my place last night and I kinda kept ‘em here. You can call off that search party.”

Dipper and Mabel looked at each other, eyes wide.

“Search party?” Dipper repeated.

Stan gave a slight nod as he kept talking. “Look, uh…I know you kids have been tryin’ ta figure out who I am behind all the hidden names and stuff, and I’ve been thinkin’ about tellin’ ya for a while.”

Ford shot Stan a look and looked like he was planning on protesting, but Stan held up a hand.

“If you can handle all the weird stuff around Gravity Falls, you can probably handle me. I’ll meet ya at Soos’ place in a bit.” Stan shut the phone and put it back in the pocket of his pants.

Ford gritted his teeth. “Stanley, you said you weren’t—“

“Going to tell anybody about it unless I had a reason to,” Stan finished. “That Mystery Crew out there? They’ve been searching around for the last six years for monsters and whatever else it is that you wanted to look into. That’s just as long as you were looking into stuff before you went all pointy-eared.”

Ford’s ears twitched at the comment.

“They deserve to know that I’ve been hiding under their noses the whole time, at least. I won’t say anything about you or Fiddleford.”

“Grunkle Stan, are you sure about this?” Dipper raised an eyebrow. “I mean, you’ve been keeping it a secret for how long?”

“36 years, give or take.” Stan made a “so-so” motion. “First Poindexter heard of it, I’d come up here because he’d asked me to – he’d been super freaked about _something._ First full moon he gets me with a tranq ‘cause I wasn’t able to make myself aware yet.” He motioned for the two teenagers to follow him. “Come on; I gotta get you two back to Soos’ place. They’ve probably worked themselves up into a frenzy by now.”

“Do you think we could come back sometime?”

Mabel’s question caused Stan to pause at the door, and he looked back at Ford and raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s your house. What do you think?”

Ford frowned, one pointed ear flicking downward. “If you were to come here, it would be wise if you arranged things with Stanley, first.” His frown softened. “I would like to get to know the two of you better, but I would rather not by taken by surprise. Your friends might become suspicious if you spend too much time here, as well, and I would rather not attract even more attention than we already have.” The ghoul shot Stan a look.

“Yay!” Mabel ran across the room and hugged Ford, startling him. “Thank you, Grunkle Ford!”

Ford looked down at his great-niece with an expression of confusion for a moment, but then he smiled and returned the hug.

The quiet gasp that came from Mabel afterwards made Dipper frown as Ford let her slip out of his arms.

“We good then?” Stan called from the door. “Because I’m not planning on keeping Lumberjill waiting.”

Mabel bounded over to the door, a wide grin on her face. “Let’s go!”

As Stan led them out of the house and around to the car – one of those classic ones that Dipper didn’t even know could _run_ anymore – Dipper asked Mabel, “What happened back there?”

Mabel gave Dipper a wide grin. “Grunkle Ford really _does_ purr! I heard him!”

Dipper blinked. “What?”

Stan laughed as he opened the door to the backseat of the car and motioned for them to climb inside. “You should hear him when we scratch him in the right places – he acts so much like a _cat_ sometimes that it’s ridiculous.”

“His back did feel kinda stiff.” Mabel gained a thoughtful expression as she sat down in the backseat. “Grunkle Stan, do you think we could come back in…three days, maybe?”

“Three days?” Stan raised an eyebrow, then continued to settle into the driver’s seat. “Well, sure, I guess. Why then?”

Mabel shrugged. “The number feels right.”

Dipper eyed his sister as he closed the door behind himself and buckled in. “You’re planning on giving him a back massage.”

“Yup! He really looks like he needs one – a lot like when you’re trying to hide your ‘old man’ pose after you’ve been sitting at your desk all night.” Mabel playfully punched her brother in the arm.

Stan roared with laughter. “Oh, he is so going to _love_ that! I like your style, kid!” He started the car and drove out of the clearing, somehow managing to find a dirt road hidden in the trees. “How good are ya?”

“I’ve had plenty of experience helping Dip-Dop get the kinks out.” Mabel sat up straighter, clearly pleased with herself. “Years worth. I’m sure I can help Grunkle Ford.”

“She is pretty good,” Dipper admitted, rubbing his arm.

The twins could see Stan’s grin in the rearview mirror; his dark chuckle almost seemed to make the car vibrate. “I am _so_ going to need the video camera for that.”

**Time Break**

As soon as they arrived at Soos’ house, Wendy and the others crowded around the trio and herded them inside the house before locking the door and covering the windows.

Robbie pulled a flashlight out from under his hoodie as Thompson turned off the lights in the living room, then shined a beam of light in Stan’s face.

The old man winced back and put up a hand over his eyes. “What the heck is this?”

“An interrogation,” Robbie replied.

Stan groaned as he dropped his arm. “I _told_ you that I was going to tell you the whole truth and nothing _but_ the truth. These two already know about it.” He nodded to Dipper and Mabel, the latter of whom had already started digging through her suitcase for a new sweater to wear. “I’m not gonna lie to you.”

“We’ll see about that.” Robbie stood up on his tiptoes in order to make himself look taller, which only made Dipper and Stan roll their eyes. “Let’s start with your real name, first.”

Stan folded his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes. “Stanley Pines.”

Robbie and the other members of the Mystery Crew stared at him blankly.

“Are you telling me that you’re related to those two?” A blond teenage girl wearing stylish clothes motioned to Dipper and Mabel. “How? You’ve never said anything about being related to anybody!”

“He’s our great-uncle, Pacifica,” Dipper spoke up. “It goes with the tree pattern I found in most of the fake names he’s been giving around town.”

Robbie shined the flashlight on Dipper’s face, making him flinch at the sudden blast of light. “We tried going down that way before. This could be just another fake name!”

“Like I’m gonna be able ta fake being these kids’ grunkle,” Stan replied shortly, causing the flashlight to return to his face. “Look, I know their grandpa Shermie, but it’s been decades since I’ve talked to the guy. I cut myself off from the family for a _reason_.”

“And what might that be?” Wendy stepped forward and took the flashlight from Robbie. “You do something that you weren’t proud of?”

“I’ve done a _lot_ of things I’m not proud of, but none of them were the reason behind that.” Stan’s nose twitched. “Melody, you might want to get back into the kitchen. That pie’s gonna be overdone in ten seconds.”

The woman gasped, then scrambled out of the darkened room.

“You’ve got a pretty good nose, Mr. Mystery,” Soos noted. He frowned. “Are you…not human, or something?”

Robbie snorted. “Like that’s even possible.”

Stan grinned, showing off his slightly sharpened teeth. “In this town? Kid, you’re living on top of a zombie apocalypse just waiting to happen, remember?”

The sight of his pearly whites caused the group to take a step back; Dipper pulled out his journal and pen and moved in to take a closer look.

“So it’s not just your sense of smell, it’s your teeth, too!” Dipper started writing quickly. “Does that mean you eat a lot more meat in your diet?”

“Eh.” Stan shrugged. “I never really changed what I ate, but meat’s always been the main course.” His nose twitched again as Melody returned to the room. “Well?”

“You saved my pie.” Melody’s voice was soft; awed, almost. “I still don’t know how you manage to do it. First with the cake I was planning to give Soos, then cooking our entire wedding banquet….”

“This sniffer’s helped me out of more than a few cooking pinches.” Stan tapped the side of his nose and smirked.

Wendy looked back and forth between the two of them before she settled her gaze on Stan again. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about werewolves, would you?”

Stan grinned again. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

The entire group stepped back, except for Dipper and Mabel.

“Grunkle Stan isn’t gonna turn you guys into werewolves!” Mabel moved in front of Stan, the sweater from the previous day switched out for one with a forest pattern.

“But has he turned the mailman into a werewolf?” Soos pointed at Stan with a frown.

Stan blinked blankly at the question. “Uh…I can neither confirm nor deny that. I’m not exactly aware _all_ the time what I do when there’s a full moon out.”

“That’s why you leave the diner early!” Tambry fixed Stan with a wide-eyed stare. “You want to make sure you’re out of town before you transform!”

“That, and I feel sick every damn time.” Stan scowled. “It still makes me want to throw up a few hours before sundown.” He put a hand on Wendy’s flashlight and forced it down and out of his eyes. “Can we cut the interrogation crap now?”

Wendy forced the flashlight back up. “Not by a long shot. How much do you know about the shack in the woods?”

Dipper, Mabel, and Stan all stiffened at that; the twins exchanged looks.

“Sorry.” Stan shook his head. “I’m sworn to secrecy on that. You’re not getting anything out of me. The kids, either.”

“Sworn to—“ Tambry took the flashlight from Stan. “Seriously?! You know what’s living in there?”

“Yup. And I’m not gonna say another word about it.” Stan fixed Tambry with a glare. “Next question?”

“How long have you been a werewolf?” Soos spoke up.

“36 years, give or take.” Stan shrugged. “I’ve had more than enough time to get used to it and the weirdness around here. And if you’re gonna ask, yes the stories about all the different monsters around here _are_ true – including the gremgoblin.” He pointed at Thompson, who stiffened and let out a girlish squeak of terror. “Don’t go anywhere near that thing with a can of water or you’re going to be in for an even _worse_ nightmare. Learned that the hard way.”

Thompson nodded vigorously. “I-I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So, what, are you saying that the messes Mom’s been finding in her garden sometimes after a full moon are….” Pacifica trailed off when she saw Stan’s sheepish expression. “Gross! How do you even get _in?_ The walls are tall enough to keep most of the monsters out!”

“Do you _really_ think that werewolves look like normal wolves?” Stan replied dryly. “I’m bigger, faster, and stronger, not to mention I can climb walls if I feel like it.” He shrugged again. “Your dad was buggin’ me. So I bugged him back. Simple as that.”

“And what about the Gleefuls?” Mabel spoke up. “You’re allergic to them, right?”

“Allergic?” Nate looked the old man up and down. “You can be allergic to a person?”

“At least Bud and Gideon.” Stan rubbed his nose, scowling. “I’m glad you kids were able to figure out that they were frauds on your own, to be honest. I was starting to have more than enough of that kid’s shenanigans when I was the only one who saw through his little psychic act.”

“How….” Dipper paused, thinking about how he should word his question. “How gullible is most of the town? I mean, we see magical creatures walking around in the woods almost on a daily basis.”

Candy cocked her one side frowned slightly, but then her expression brightened. “It is because of that that people are willing to believe in a psychic.” She nodded knowingly.

“YEAH!” Grenda thumped her chest. “If the monsters are real, then they think Gideon might be, too! But he’s not!”

“That still doesn’t explain why he’s so infatuated with my sister,” Dipper pointed out.

“I don’t think that _anyone_ can explain _that_.” Stan’s expression shifted into one of disgust. “And I’m not even gonna try.”

Mabel shuddered. “Me, neither.”

“So, can we cut the interrogation crap _now?_ I’ve got to go work at the diner, remember?” Stan jabbed a thumb at the door behind him. “Susan can be a hard taskmaster when she wants to be.”

“One last question.” Tambry looked at Stan with a raised eyebrow. “Why aren’t you investigating the monsters around here yourself, instead of working in the diner? It’s pretty obvious that you know a lot about them.”

“Oh, that.” Stan rubbed the back of his head. “Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m _old_ , and that means I can’t run around chasing monsters willy-nilly. You kids got curious about ‘em, so I figured why not give you a hand and tell you about some of the beasties that are hiding around here.” He waved a hand in a way that seemed to encompass the world outside the house. “When you kids started poking around, I figured I’d point you in the direction of some of ‘em and make sure you steer clear of the others. No way am I gonna let you kids die on my watch.” Stan eyed the group. “We good now?”

Wendy and the others exchanged looks, then nodded.

“Good. I’m gonna go to work. You kids steer clear of trouble, all right? And stay out of the shack unless I say otherwise.” Stan fixed the group with a frown, then grinned and slipped out of the house with a wave.

As soon as he was gone, the group converged on Dipper and Mabel as Thompson turned the lights back on.

“You saw the shack?” Wendy asked. “And the red and green eyes?”

“Grunkle Stan chased us there,” Mabel replied. “On purpose!”

“He did?” Robbie frowned. “Why would he do that?”

“We can’t say,” Dipper replied quickly. “Sworn to secrecy, remember?” He sent Mabel a look, and she nodded in agreement. “Sorry, guys.”

“But you know what the green and red eyes are, right?” Tambry spoke up.

“Yeah!” Mabel started giggling.

“They’re not ghosts, I can tell you that,” Dipper added. “But I don’t think it’d be a good idea to say anything else about them.”

“Well, a secret’s a secret, dudes,” Soos spoke up. “Maybe Mr. Mystery – err, Mr. Pines – will tell us later. I mean, we dudes have been doing this for years, right? He’s gonna tell us about what that shack’s really got living in it eventually.”

“How about you two go wash up?” Melody suggested. “The pie’s probably cooled enough by now; I’ll have slices waiting for you before you go to work.”

“Sounds good!” Mabel promptly skipped out of the living room.

“I’ll see you two around later.” Wendy gave Dipper a smirk and started for the door. “Come on, guys! Let’s go see if Susan’s having problems with the gnomes again.”

“I’ve been wondering when I’d get the chance to drop-kick those pointy hats again!” Nate let out a whoop and led the rest of the Mystery Crew out of the house, leaving Soos, Melody, and Dipper standing in the living room.

“I think I’m gonna go brush.” Dipper ran his tongue over his teeth. “My mouth feels horrible.”

“It might be a good idea if you took a shower too, dude.” Soos nodded in the direction of the bathroom. “Running around in the woods made you get quite a stink.”

“O-oh, yeah.” Dipper rubbed the back of his head. “That might be a good idea.”

“The pie will still be waiting for you when you get out of the shower,” Melody added. “Go on – I don’t think that the museum would take kindly to you going to work as you are.”

Dipper nodded in agreement, then grabbed his shower stuff and a change of clothes from his suitcase and headed to the bathroom.

Mabel came skipping out of the bathroom, grinning at Dipper. “Three days!”

Dipper snorted and grinned in response. “Three days.”


	6. Land Before Swine

“So, what do you guys want to do today?” Dipper looked around at the group. “I mean, we’ve got the day off; there’s got to be some kind of anomaly we can investigate, right?”

Wendy sighed, resting her elbows on the table and resting her head on her hands. “I wish. Six years of poking around doesn’t leave much left for us to explore, and if we can’t get close to the lake, we can’t really do much with that floating head.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay soon,” Mabel spoke up. “I mean, you guys said it’s just got a toothache, right? That’ll go away eventually.”

Nate snorted. “Yeah, but who says that we’re going to be able to get anywhere near it after that?”

“It is starting to get warm again,” Candy commented.

“It’s summer, though.” Mabel frowned. “Doesn’t it _always_ get hot?”

“We get hot and hotter,” Lee replied in a deadpan tone. “The heat waves up here can get to be _really_ nasty some days – you’re not going to be wearing that sweater for long, Mabel.”

Wendy perked up instantly. “Oh, yeah! We should probably check the mine and make sure that the stuff down there isn’t going to be causing any trouble down the road.”

“Mine?” Dipper blinked. “There’s a mine?”

“An ABANDONED one.” Grenda grinned. “It’s got all kinds of cool stuff down there!”

“Do you think we could get Pacifica to come down and explore down there, too?” Mabel wriggled in her seat eagerly. “I wanna get to know her better, and going mini golfing with her and the Lilputtians is starting to get boring when we get holes-in-one on everything.”

“It’s hard enough to get Pacifica out of the mansion for those kinds of dates, and she’s only really interested in what happens in town.” Wendy shrugged. “Probably the only times we get to go to her house are if there’s a ghost harassing her family or if the gnomes are still trying to get her to be their queen – which they do every few months or so, when her family holds some big party and accidentally lets one or two of them in.”

“Oh.” Mabel’s shoulders sagged in disappointment.

Dipper cleared his throat. “So, what kinds of things are down in the mine that makes you guys want to go back and check it out?”

“There are dinosaurs encased in amber down there.” Candy smiled slyly. “And they are alive, too.”

“Six years ago a pterodactyl got loose,” Wendy explained. “We haven’t seen it since it flew off with its kid to the south somewhere.” She paused. “It might have started taking people and eating them, but we haven’t heard anything like that on the news around here.”

Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks.

“Did I hear something about an extinct dinosaur?” Stan sauntered over. “You kids are really planning on unearthing that thing again?”

“Well, why not?” Wendy grinned. “I mean, these guys haven’t seen the mine yet, and it’s part of everything that’s going on around here, too. Besides, it’s not _too_ hot yet, so the amber shouldn’t be melting anytime soon.”

“Yeah, well, make sure you kids watch your back, all right? I don’t want to hear that you kids got chomped on by a T-Rex or something.”

Nate waved Stan off. “It’s not _that_ warm yet; I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

Stan grunted in response. “Still, make sure you’re careful, all right? I don’t want to see another one of those flying freaks hanging around here tearing the roof off cars or something.”

“The pterodactyl did that six years ago?” Dipper’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah. The cops had fun pretending they had a brand-new convertible, but they did have to get the roof replaced after a downpour that turned the car into a portable swimming pool.”

“A portable swimming pool sounds cool,” Mabel commented. “I mean, you could take it with you wherever you go.”

Stan scoffed. “Yeah, but it’d ruin the upholstery in the car and do who-knows-what when it seeps into the engine. At least they were smart enough to get the car repaired before they would have needed to get a new one. Just make sure that you kids get as far away from that place as possible if one of those dinos breaks loose.”

“We will.” Wendy gave Stan a thumbs-up. “We’ve done this stuff before, remember? We’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Stan grunted, then headed back behind the counter, ruffling Mabel’s hair with a chuckle as he went past her. “Have fun, and don’t get your head bitten off.”

“We won’t!” Mabel chirped in reply.

Stan gave her a smirk as he slipped around the counter and disappeared into the kitchen.

“Well, no point in hanging around.” Wendy rose up from her seat. “Come on – let’s go get Soos and head over there; at least Stan won’t be bugging us about older adult supervision, then.”

“Do you think he’ll come with us?” Dipper followed the redhead out of the diner, followed by Mabel, Grenda, Lee, Nate, and Candy.

“Well, yeah – I mean, he helped us out of the mess with the pterodactyl, so I don’t see why not.” Wendy shrugged and smirked. “ ‘Sides, today’s his day off, and he hasn’t been able to go exploring with you guys.”

“Do you think he’d want to?”

“Sure! Besides, somebody’s gotta give us a ride to get there, what with Thompson taking the van who-knows where.”

**Time Break**

It turned out that Soos was more than willing to come with them to the mine, and his pickup had more than enough room in the truck’s bed for the crew to fit.

Dipper winced as the truck went over a boulder. “So the mine’s out in the woods? Why’s it out here?”

Nate shrugged. “No one knows. All we know is that the place has been abandoned for _years._ Nobody even knew that there was a mine out there until the heat wave six years ago.”

“How did you guys miss it?” Mabel frowned.

“The entrance _we_ found was under an old abandoned church.” Robbie grinned and wriggled his fingers sinisterly. “Maybe people thought the place was haunted or something – who knows? The entire thing’s collapsed, now, though, so if there _were_ any ghosts there, they’re definitely long gone.”

“Ghosts?” Dipper looked up at Robbie in surprise. “Have you run into any actual ghosts?”

Wendy groaned. “We’ve run into ghosts all right. And we’re never going into Dusk 2 Dawn ever again.”

“Why not?” Mabel cocked her head to one side.

“The ghosts there _hate_ teenagers. Technically, we’re not anymore, but they still remember us from when we broke into their shop six years ago.” Wendy rubbed at her forehead and sighed. “We are _not_ going there.”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks and decided against asking Wendy what exactly had happened.

The pickup bounced again, then came to a stop.

Soos opened the driver’s door and stepped out, followed shortly by Tambry from the passenger’s side. “We’re here, dudes!”

Dipper stood up in the back of the pickup at the same time that Mabel did, leaning against the edge of the truck in order to catch himself after having been sitting and moving at once. He looked around the clearing as the others started to climb off, and as he did he caught sight of what looked like a large pile of rotting wood. Even as he was looking at it, a portion of the pile suddenly collapsed in on itself.

Dipper frowned, then started climbing out of the truck. “That doesn’t look very safe.”

“The entrance to the mine is in there?” Mabel jumped off the tailgate as Dipper’s feet hit the forest floor.

“Yup.” Nate gave the two a thumbs-up. “There’s a big hole where the altar used to be – it’s probably gotten bigger since we were last here, though.”

“I’d expect that, considering the state of disrepair that the church is in.” Tambry frowned at the remains of the building, her hands on her hips. “We’re going to have to be careful going down into the mine.”

“I was thinking of splitting up.” Wendy grabbed the coil of rope that was sitting at the bottom of the truck bed and threw it over her shoulder. “Some of us’ll go down with Dipper and Mabel, and some of us will stay up here in case something happens to the rope or something.”

“I’LL GO DOWN!” Grenda raised a hand and waved it, grinning widely. “I wanna see the dinos again!”

“As do I,” Candy agreed, nodding.

“Don’t count me out of this one either, dudes!” Soos jabbed himself in the chest with a thumb, grinning. “Somebody’s gotta be on pterodactyl watch!”

“And I’m heading down there, too.” Wendy gave a wink and a thumbs-up.

“I-I think I’ll stay up here this time,” Robbie said quickly. Nate and Lee nodded in agreement.

Tambry rolled her eyes with a snort. “Well, I’m not about to leave them alone up here.” She held up her phone. “Make sure you call up in case anything happens, all right?”

“Sure, Tambry.” Wendy gave her friend a lazy salute before she started towards the collapsed chapel, Dipper, Mabel, Grenda, Candy, and Soos following after her.

“You said the dinosaurs are encased in amber, right?” Dipper looked at Wendy with a curious expression. “What kinds of dinosaurs are down there?”

“All kinds – mostly big ones, though. I think I saw a frozen T-Rex the last time we were down there.”

Dipper’s eyes widened. “A _T-Rex?_ Seriously? That’s dangerous!”

“Yeah, we know. But it hasn’t gotten out, and it probably won’t anytime soon.” Wendy shrugged. “I mean, it’s stuck in a cave. The only way that it’d be able to get out is if it learned how to climb or something. Besides, it’s not hot enough out here for the stuff to melt and let it out.”

Dipper let out a sigh of relief as they reached the collapsed chapel, which really didn’t look at all stable – the walls and roof had completely collapsed in on themselves, and the wood was clearly ready to fall into smaller pieces at any moment, making walking on it rather treacherous. And at one end of the collapsed church, there was a large, gaping hole in what used to be the floor.

Mabel peered over the edge of the hole as Wendy uncoiled the rope and started feeding it down into it. “We’re gonna go down there?”

“That’s the plan,” Wendy replied. She looked around for a moment, then moved over to a nearby tree and tied the rope around it before moving to the edge of the hole. “Come on.”

Wendy disappeared over the edge of the hole. Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks as Grenda and Candy followed after her.

“Go on, dudes.” Soos gave the twins an encouraging grin. “Wendy’ll catch you guys if you end up falling off.”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks again before Dipper moved over to the rope and grabbed it before starting down. Mabel and Soos followed after him moments later, and they were soon down on the cave floor.

Dipper looked around as he left go of the rope. “Wow. What kinds of flowers are these? They look like something out of prehistoric times.” He started to move towards a clump of plants that clearly didn’t belong in the present day.

“Don’t get too close to it,” Soos warned. “I made that mistake the last time I came down here – lost my sense of smell for a while.” He rubbed his nose, wincing at the memory.

Dipper backed away from the flower, surprised. “Thanks for the warning.”

“No problem, dude.”

“Hey, this wasn’t down here before….”

Dipper turned when he heard Wendy’s voice, and he saw her standing in front of what was probably the entrance to the abandoned mine, hands on her hips as she frowned at the stone wall to the left of the entrance. There, on the gray rock, was a green, six-fingered handprint that was glowing faintly.

“What is it?” Mabel moved over to stand next to Wendy as the others joined them.

“It’s a marker of some kind.” Candy adjusted her glasses.

“Yeah; they’re scattered all over Gravity Falls if you know where to look for them.” Wendy nodded.

“Really?” Dipper gained an interested expression.

“Look! It’s got six fingers!” Grenda pointed at the symbol. “What kind of monster would have six fingers instead of five?”

Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks at the question, thinking back to the night that they’d spent in their Grunkles’ house.

“Do you think—“

“Probably.” Dipper cut his sister off, nodding.

“Well, it’s not lighting up like a Christmas tree, so that means it’s probably safe to go in there.” Wendy turned to look at the others.

“Do you have any idea what it’s doing there?” Dipper asked, nodding to the handprint.

Wendy shrugged. “Not really. I mean, they started popping up six years ago after we started exploring and looking into what was living out in the woods. All I know is that if they’re glowing brightly, then it’s dangerous to be in the area.” She jabbed a thumb back at the handprint. “It’s not glowing enough for there to be a dino on the loose, so we’re probably okay with going in there and checking things out.” Wendy started into the mine. “Come on!”

Wendy led the group into the mine, pulling a flashlight out of a pocket in her jeans and flicking it on as the tunnel became darker. Dipper considered pulling out his journal, but there wasn’t enough light for him to see properly in order to write – he was going to have to write about all this later, when they’d gotten out of the mine and gone back to either Soos’ house or the diner.

Dipper cleared his throat as they left the tunnel and entered a large cavern. “So, uh, when are we going to see the dinosa….“ His voice trailed off in shock.

The cavern they had just entered was filled with large columns of a sticky orange substance – amber, or at least tree sap of some kind. Contained in most of the large columns were large, lizard-like creatures that Dipper had only seen in biology books and history museums – triceratops, stegosaurus, and even some of the more dangerous carnivores.

“…oh, wow.” Dipper’s eyes promptly lit up. “This is incredible! They’re so well preserved!”

“Yeah, and you’d better be careful with coming down here on a hot sunny day.” Wendy pointed her flashlight at one of the columns of tree sap – there wasn’t a dinosaur encased there, but there was a clear indent saying that there used to be something encased there. “That’s where the pterodactyl used to be, and there’s scarier monsters around here than that one to worry about.”

There came a faint, echoing, snuffling noise from somewhere nearby, causing the group to stiffen and move a little closer together.

“Wh-what is that?” Dipper asked nervously.

Wendy’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t know, but it could be anything. We’d better be careful or else—“

A small shadow moved around one of the tree sap pillars closest to them, and Wendy cut herself off in favor of moving into a half-crouch, ready to lunge and attack the oncoming creature at any moment. She flicked her flashlight’s beam in the direction of the shadow and—

Mabel let out a loud squeal. “Oh my gosh! A _PIG!”_ She ran ahead of the group and grabbed the small, pink animal and picked it up easily, swinging back and forth in excitement. “It’s so cute! Oh my gosh!”

Wendy relaxed out of her stance, blinking in confusion and surprise. “What’s a pig doing down here?”

“Maybe it wandered into the woods and fell down here?” Candy suggested.

“Maybe.” Wendy scratched her head. “Seems kind of odd, though – there aren’t very any farms that are near here.”

“I’m keeping him!” Mabel declared as she came back to the group. “And I’m going to name him Waddles!”

“Uh, Mabel? Are you sure that Mom and Dad are going to even let you _keep_ a pig when we head back at the end of the summer?” Dipper asked. “I mean, we’ve already got a cat.”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” Mabel chirped happily in reply. “I mean, look at him! Do you really think that Mom and Dad will be able to say no to this face?” She held the pig up in Dipper’s face, making him step back a bit when their noses almost collided with.

“She’s got a point there.” Soos nodded knowingly.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Dipper opened his mouth to argue with Soos, but paused. “Hey. Do you guys hear that?”

Mabel stopped nuzzling Waddles and looked up at the question. She blinked a couple times, frowned, then nodded. “What do you think it is?”

“I don’t know.” Wendy started walking forward. “So let’s go find out.”

The group cautiously moved towards the column of tree sap that Waddles had come around, Wendy in the lead. Carefully, they peered around the column as Wendy moved her flashlight to face where the noise was coming from and—

“Gideon?!” Wendy exclaimed in surprise.

The white-haired, blue suit-wearing teenager turned in surprise upon hearing Wendy’s voice, a hammer and what looked like a large nail in his hands. The tree sap column behind him looked like it had some chips taken out of it, but not enough to free even a claw of the dinosaur trapped inside.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Wendy started towards Gideon, followed closely by the others in the group.

“Well, I found out about this place recently, and I thought I could make off with a couple smaller ones,” Gideon replied lightly, not at all bothered by the fact that he’d been found. “I’m sure they’re pretty harmless.”

Dipper eyed the dinosaur that Gideon had started working at freeing. “That’s a velociraptor, Gideon. That’s probably the most dangerous dinosaur down here besides the T-Rex.”

“YEAH!” Grenda yelled in agreement. “Didn’t you watch _Jurassic Park,_ ya moron?”

“Jurassic what now?” Gideon chuckled, although he sounded nervous. “I’m too busy for that sort of thing.” He looked the group over for a moment, and his expression brightened as soon as he caught sight of Mabel. “Oh hi, Mabel! Fancy meetin’ you down here! How was your trip into the woods the other night?”

“Fine,” Mabel replied tersely. She hugged Waddles closer.

“Is that a pig? I’d thought I’d heard somethin’ snufflin’ around down here. Are you plannin’ on havin’ a ham dinner toni—“

“NO!” Mabel glared at Gideon. “Waddles is my soulmate! I’m not going to _eat_ him!”

The exclamation threw Gideon off, and he blinked in surprise. “Uh…”

Wendy groaned and rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s get out of here before Gideon decides to break out the V-raptor and we all get torn apart and eaten.” She stomped over to Gideon, who tried to turn and flee only for Wendy to grab the back of the collar of his shirt and lift him into the air.

“H-hey! Put me down you backwater lumberjack!” Gideon threatened. “I’ll sue!”

“No you won’t,” Wendy replied without missing a beat. “Tambry’s still got your amulet, remember? You do anything to us, and she breaks it.”

Gideon let out a hissing sound like a cat trapped in a human body, but he stopped struggling against Wendy’s grip.

“Now, come on – let’s get out of here.” Wendy started back towards the entrance, then paused. “And let’s seal this place up, too – don’t want any dinos getting out, or people getting in and _letting_ them out.”

“What?!” Gideon gained an expression of horror. “Why would you do that? You could make so much money just by bringing people down here and showing this place off as an exhibit!”

“And when it gets really warm out and the T-Rex gets loose and eats the tourists? No thanks; I’d rather work at my cousin’s logging camp for the summer.”

“B-b-b-but –“ Gideon turned his attention to Mabel. “Mabel, sweet peach, help me out here! Wouldn’t people love to see this kind of thing? It could be a romantic restaurant with beautiful candlelight reflectin’ off the amber –“

“With the chance of that stuff melting? No thanks.” Mabel turned her nose up and looked away from the boy with a huff. “Besides, I wouldn’t come down here with _you,_ that’s for sure.”

“Ah, come on! Just one widdle old date, please?”

Dipper rolled his eyes and shook his head while Mabel refused to look at Gideon. It was clear to the both of them that Gideon wasn’t going to give up, but their will wasn’t about to waver, either.

“So, how are we going to seal this off?” Dipper asked as they came to the entrance they’d come through again. “I mean, are we going to need to go find some old dynamite or…?”

Wendy shot him a grin. “I think we’ve already got everything that we need right here.”

**Time Break**

“So the dinos are basically trapped down there if they ever wake up, huh?” Stan nodded. “Smart move. I’ve been wanting that to happen for a while after what happened six years ago.”

“Well, six years ago we didn’t have Grenda’s freakish strength to help me take care of it.” Wendy nodded to Grenda, who gave a broad grin and puffed out her chest at the praise. “At least Gideon’s not going to be doing anything stupid down there now.”

“Good. I don’t want to have to deal with dinos running around on top of everything that lives in the woods already.” Stan held out a fist. “Good call.”

Wendy tapped her fist with Stan’s, grinning. “Thanks. Anything to keep a Jurassic Park incident from happening here, y’know?”

“Heh heh. Yeah, definitely.” Stan put his hands in his pockets. “So, got anything else planned?”

“Not for today, anyway. I’ll have to think of something else now that we’ve sealed off the mine.” Wendy shrugged. “Got any ideas?”

“Eh.” Stan shrugged. “I’ll let you know if anything comes up.”

“Mr. Pines, do you know anything about the six-fingered handprints?” Candy asked innocently.

Stan stiffened a little at the question. “Why do you want to know about the handprints?”

“We wanna know what kind of MONSTER would leave them AROUND!” Grenda replied.

Stan’s expression darkened as Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks.

“That’s going into talkin’ about what’s livin’ in the house in the woods, an’ I already said that I’m not talkin’ about that,” Stan said seriously.

“That’s a pretty heavy accent, old man,” Wendy commented. “Where are you from? Brooklyn?”

“New Jersey,” Stan grunted in reply. “It’s been years since I’ve been there, though, and I’m never going back.” He paused. “Look, if you kids want to find something to do, I’ll probably be able to think of _something_ you haven’t done yet. Something that won’t get you killed by the end of the day.”

“I’d appreciate a little bit of a challenge,” Wendy replied with a confident grin. “Thompson’s going to be working one of the days that I’m off. Maybe some of us could get a closer look at that gremgoblin.”

“Oh, no. _That_ thing nearly took me out when I first got here – I’m not letting you anywhere near it on purpose.” Stan shook his head resolutely, then paused and gained a wicked grin. “Leprecorns, on the other hand, are fair game. I’m sure the Gleefuls would have a horrible time trying to root those things out of their yard. I’ll show ya where to find those little buggers tomorrow.”

Grins that matched Stan’s instantly crossed the faces of the Mystery Crew. This was going to be a very, very fun day.


	7. Ford-Nip

“So, Grunkle Ford knows that we’re coming over tonight, right?” Dipper asked as he and Mabel stepped out of Stan’s car.

“Oh, yeah, he knows.” Stan shut the door to the driver’s side behind him. “He’s been trying to plan something for us to do together for the last two days, but I’m tellin’ ya, my brother’s not much of a planner when it comes to activities.”

“Well lucky for you, I’m an expert planner!” Mabel puffed herself up proudly. “And _I’m_ planning on getting Grunkle Ford to relax by the end of the night!”

“While I am intrigued by that, I’m afraid that I’ve got a few things that I really need to research.” Grunkle Ford stepped off the front porch of the house and out into the moonlight, his skin almost seeming to glow with an other-worldly hue.

Dipper perked up at that. “Really? What are we researching?”

“I want to get a closer look at the floating head in the lake. That comment about a possible toothache you made a few days ago has me curious.” Ford adjusted the satchel strap on his shoulder. “Fiddleford is doing his own experiments in our lab tonight, so I thought that I’d step out for a while.”

“You have a _lab?_ ” Dipper’s voice cracked from excitement, causing Mabel to giggle at his reaction. He sent his sister an annoyed look, but Mabel only looked back at him with a cheeky grin.

“Yes; no good scientist is ever without one. I’ll have to show it to you later.”

“And the UFO!” Dipper added quickly.

Ford chuckled. “Yes, yes. But first – the lake. We can’t dawdle forever – we’re wasting moonlight if we’re just standing here.” He motioned for Dipper and Mabel to follow him. “Come along.”

“Oh, no; I’m coming with you.” Stan moved in front of Ford, stopping him short. “You _know_ what’s living out there, _especially_ at night. And when you get yer nerd on, you tend to forget that the gremgoblin you’re studying would rather bite your head off than sit and look pretty for you while you’re sketching its teeth.”

Ford gained an annoyed expression. “I didn’t say you _couldn’t_ join us, Stanley. If you feel that it would be safer for us if you came along, I wouldn’t mind the company.”

Stan grunted. “Good. Because I’m the only thing standing between you and the kids getting a good night’s sleep and the gremgoblins that you set off thirty-odd years ago.”

“What did you do?” Dipper frowned. “And what exactly _are_ gremgoblins, anyway?”

“They’re dangerous creatures, Dipper,” Ford replied gravely. “They look gruesome enough by themselves, but dunk them in water and they can become even more terrifying. Couple that with the neurotoxins in their claws and their natural ability to make you see your worst fear just by looking into their eyes, and they become one of the apex predators of these woods.” He motioned to the forest around them. “Luckily, they are completely terrified of Stanley – or at least, know enough to stay away from him and leave anyone he happens to be with alone. So long as we stay together, we shouldn’t be bothered by them.”

Dipper nodded. “Okay; got it.”

“Now, we’d better head over to the lake and investigate the floating head before it gets to be too late; most creatures around here aren’t nocturnal, and the ones that are tend to be quite dangerous to those who least expect it.”

“It’s too far to go on foot,” Stan spoke up. “Get in the car; I’m driving.”

Dipper and Mabel piled back into the back of Stan’s car as Ford and Stan took the front. Within moments, they were back out on the road, in the dark, driving up to the lake that had been closed off ever since the floating head had attacked Dipper and the others.

“So, what other kinds of creatures are moving around at night?” Dipper asked. “Besides the gremgoblins, I mean.” He remembered a moment later that Fiddleford was a _vampire_ and probably counted as one of the nocturnal creatures, too, but decided against adding that to what he’d said.

“The more dangerous counterparts to the creatures of the day come out of their caves when night falls,” Ford replied gravely. “I know for a fact that there are quite a few fae creatures that lurk in the darkest depths of the forest, but I’ve never been out that far myself – I’ve only heard about them because of gossip among the gnomes. Fairy-like creatures that are more than willing to steal human children away for servants, shape-shifters that will steal your face and take your place among your family and friends, and other monsters that make the Grimm brothers’ original fairy tales seem tame.”

“Whoa….” Dipper’s eyes were wide with amazement.

“What about witches?” Mabel asked. “Are they real?”

“There’s that Hand Witch that lives up the mountain, but I wouldn’t recommend going to her,” Stan replied. “She’s an old hag who magically causes your hands to come off. She’s got a whole collection up there, and it’s a wonder they haven’t started decomposing. She nearly got _my_ hands a while back, in fact.” He raised one hand and wiggled his fingers, then gripped the wheel again as the car started to swerve a little on the road.

“Yes, that was quite the interesting adventure.” Ford’s mouth quirked in amusement. “She’s all right, though – it’s not like she’s planning on eating anyone; she just wants a little company every once in a while. I know she participates in a few of the events that take place in town, at least, so she’s not completely lonely all the time. It’s just that she—“

“Gets as tongue-twisted as you at prom when she’s trying to ask for somebody to come over to her place,” Stan finished, shooting his brother a grin.

“Stanley!” Ford sounded aghast.

“Dipper’s like that around girls, too!” Mabel spoke up. “He tried to plan out _everything_ when it came to getting a date – right down to what he was going to talk to her about!”

“It…didn’t turn out to be the best idea,” Dipper admitted.

Stan snorted. “Yeah, I thought not. Women are pretty unpredictable, kid. If you want to get anywhere with one, you’re going to have to learn the hard way how to get along with them. You’re lucky you’ve got a sister to bounce ideas off of.”

“Yeah!” Mabel elbowed her brother. “And that means no more long lists, okay, bro-bro?”

“Okay, okay!”

It didn’t take too long after that for them to reach the lake.

Stan parked the car just outside the chain-link fence that blocked the entrance to the lake. “Okay; everybody out! Let’s see what’s up with this floating head thing and get back to the Shack before anything decides that we’d look good for a snack.”

“Do you have to call it the Shack?” Ford stepped out of the car and frowned at Stan as Dipper and Mabel clambered out the backseat. “It is a _house,_ not a ramshackle building that’s about to cave in on us at any moment.”

“Well, the kids in town call it that, and I kinda picked up on it. So sue me.” Stan shrugged, then frowned. “Aren’t you going to go take a look at the lake or not?”

“I’m going, I’m going. It’s just that I would prefer it if you called our _home_ by a different name.” Ford looked the fence over with a frown. “Make sure you and the kids get up high, and somewhere far away from the lake so that the creatures living in it don’t get any ideas while I’m investigating.”

“Maybe up by the waterfall?” Dipper suggested. He pulled a flashlight out of his vest and clicked it on. “We weren’t able to go up there before. Wendy said there was a cave back there where there was an old robot called a Gobblewonker, too.”

Stan snorted while Ford gained an annoyed expression.

“That’s one of Fiddlenerd’s,” Stan commented. “Come on; we might as well have a look around over there while Ford’s doing his thing.” He started walking around the outside of the fence, motioning for Dipper and Mabel to follow after him.

“What do you mean, it’s one of Fiddleford’s?” Dipper asked. He heard a solid _whumpf!_ behind him, and turned to look back, only to see that Ford was getting up from a crouch on the _other side_ of the fence.

“That guy can turn into a real crazy kook if he’s left alone with nothin’ ta do,” Stan replied. “ _Especially_ when it comes to machines. Do you know that he’s tried to ‘upgrade’ my car on more than one occasion? I’ve turned him down enough times to know when he’s asking if he can supercharge the engine or add rocket boosters to the back.”

“He can _do_ that?” Dipper’s eyes were wide. “No way!”

“Yeah, way. Who do you think Ford called up here so that he’d be able to have a better understanding of how that UFO worked? Not me, that’s for sure. If Ford’d let him, I’m sure Fiddlenerd would have gotten that thing up and running in a month at most.”

“ _Wow.”_

“So, he built the Gobblewonker?” Mabel asked.

“Yup.” Stan looked back at the kids and nodded. “Far as I heard, they were tryin’ ta find the _real_ Gobblewonker by making a fake one to lure it out. Then the ‘bot got a mind of its own and caused all sorts of trouble until Wendy and her little crew stepped in. Now it’s just a rusting pile of scrap that Fidds hasn’t gotten to raid for parts yet.”

It didn’t take them too long to circle around the lake and find where the chain link fence ended and the rock wall around the waterfall began.

“Okay, where…there we go.” Stan pushed a bush aside, revealing a walkway that led up to the top of the waterfall. “Go on up there; it’s too narrow for monsters like the gremgoblin to climb up. I’ll be prowlin’ around down here to make sure that they don’t get any ideas.”

“You’re not coming up with us?” Dipper asked.

“Nah. It’ll be safer if I keep an eye out for things down here, believe me. Now, go on up there – you’ll have a good view of Ford and what he’s going to be up to.” Stan motioned for Mabel and Dipper to move up before he disappeared into the trees around the lake.

Mabel and Dipper climbed up the pathway, looking down as they went at Ford, who was currently wading into the lake, a small green pinprick against the dark blue water.

The island that was the floating head shuddered in the deeper waters, then rose up and started towards Ford – slowly, as though sensing there was something up with the man.

“I hope he doesn’t get eaten,” Mabel said worriedly.

“I wonder how a floating head digests,” Dipper remarked.

“Well, I hope that Grunkle Ford doesn’t find out!”

The twins weren’t quite able to hear what was going on in the lake below other than the sound of water shifting around in waves as Ford’s glowing green form bobbed in front of the large shadow that was the floating head.

“I hope so too, but I was just—“

Dipper cut himself off as the most horrid of smells assaulted his and Mabel’s noses, causing them to stop short a good distance up the pathway and look around.

“What’s that smell?!” Mabel demanded. “It smells worse than the garbage dumpster next to our high school!”

Dipper looked around, holding his nose as he tried to find the source of the smell so that they could get out of range of the thing as soon as possible. His eyes moved to the rock wall on one side of the pathway, and his eyes widened. “Look! Rafflesia flowers!” He pointed at a small number of red flowers whose petals looked like they had multiple holes in them.

“What kind?” Mabel frowned.

“Rafflesia,” Dipper repeated. “They’re flowers that smell like rotten meat so that they can attract flies and eat them.” He frowned. “But they’re supposed to be tropical plants, not temperate ones, so why would they be growing _here?_ It should be impossible!”

“That’s what you said about the gremlins,” Mabel reminded her brother. “Can we just…move away from these things? Please?”

Dipper’s face scrunched up in annoyance that he didn’t have an answer as to why the tropical plant was growing up in Oregon. “All right, fine.” He and Mabel started moving up and away from the flowers as he muttered under his breath, “They’re supposed to be bigger than that, too….”

“I’m glad that we didn’t bring Waddles,” Mabel said as they finally got out of range of the flowers. She had to speak a little more loudly because they were closer to the roaring waterfall. “He might have freaked out if he’d smelled those flowers!”

“Maybe,” Dipper called back. “But he’s a pig. They tend to eat scraps of all kinds of things – that might actually smell good to him.” He shrugged.

“Nu uh!” Mabel shook her head. “No way!”

There came a sudden, enraged bellow from the lake below, followed shortly by a loud yelp from Ford. Dipper and Mabel looked down and watched with alarm as Ford scrambled out of the lake and ran up the beach towards the locked gate, leaping over it without breaking stride.

The floating head – a large, dark mass in the night – circled around over the beach, its bellows sounding a little softer – and maybe somewhat confused. Then it entered the water again and sank back down into the lake.

“Whoa!” Dipper stared at the glowing green figure that was his grunkle. “I didn’t think that ghouls could move so fast! He must have enhanced muscle strength on top of enhanced senses!”

“Even though he’s undead?” Mabel asked, cocking her head to one side and frowning. “Aren’t undead monsters weaker or something, though?”

“Vampires are always talked about having enhanced strength and speed,” Dipper replied. “I guess the same holds true for ghouls. I wasn’t expecting him to glow in the dark like that, though.” He frowned and rubbed his chin thoughtfully, pointing his flashlight at the ground in front of him with his other hand as Ford started to work his way around the lake towards them. “I’ll have to ask Grunkle Ford about that – he probably knows what’s causing it. And if he doesn’t, I bet I can help him figure it out.”

“Do you think he knows about the flowers?” Mabel pointed towards the rafflesia.

“Maybe? We could ask him.” Dipper gave the rafflesia flowers a curious look as Mabel started towards them, pulling her sweater up over her nose in order to keep the smell out as best she could. “And if you’re going to take one, try to get the roots with it, too – we could put it in a flower pot or something and keep it in the house to study it.”

“Keep it _in_ the house? Yuck!” Mabel gagged as she reached into the dirt around one of the flowers and managed to pull it up with some of its roots. “I don’t think Grunkle Stan would like this stinking up his house!”

“Oh, yeah…he does have a really sensitive nose since he’s a werewolf.” Dipper pinched his nose to keep the smell out as best he could, then started down towards the forest floor, Mabel following after him as she held the flower out at arm’s length to keep it as far away from her nose as possible.

Ford and Stan were waiting at the bottom of the cliff by the time that Dipper and Mabel reached level ground. Stan was pinching his nose shut before the two got within five feet of them, while Ford wore a curious expression, the tips of his ears twitching.

“Where’s that smell coming from?” Stan demanded. “Was there a carcass up there?”

“No. It was this.” Dipper motioned to the flower in Mabel’s hands with his flashlight. “It’s some kind of…miniature rafflesia flower. They smell like that so that they can attract flies and eat them. They’re normally found in jungles, though, so I thought Grunkle Ford would want to have a look at it and find out why it’s able to survive up here.”

“And you had to bring one of those things down with—“

Ford suddenly collapsed to the side and against Stan, cutting the man off in surprise.

“H-hey!” Stan grabbed Ford – wincing as he had to let go of his nose and let the rotten scent into it again – and shook his brother. “You can stand on yer own – don’t lean on me!”

_Purrrrrrr…._

Stan stopped and stared at Ford, his eyebrows shooting up as Ford gained a goofy-looking smile. “What the heck?”

Dipper also stared, wide-eyed. “I-is…is Grunkle Ford _purring?”_

Mabel gasped. “Look at him! He’s like a limp noodle!”

Ford’s legs started to buckle underneath him, forcing Stan to pull one of Ford’s arms over his shoulders in order to keep his brother upright. Ford wasn’t making it easy for him, however, and it was pretty clear that he wasn’t going to be holding up his own weight anytime soon.

_Purrrrrrrrr….._

“It’s like he’s gotten high off the smell of that thing,” Stan muttered, frowning. His eyes widened a moment later, and a sly grin started to cross his face. “Well _that’s_ interesting.”

“Grunkle Stan, what’s going on?” Dipper asked worriedly. “Did the floating head do something to Grunkle Ford or—“

“I don’t think it’s got anything to do with the thing in the lake. It’s got a lot more to do with that flower.” Stan jerked his head in Mabel’s direction and towards the flower in her hands.

“Really?” Mabel looked down at it in surprise.

“Yeah. Ford was just fine before you brought that thing down here. I bet it’s kinda like…like catnip for cats. Maybe we just found the ghoul version.”

The comparison made Mabel’s eyes light up. “Really?! So Grunkle Ford’s like a giant cat?”

Ford kept right on purring, eyes shut and a wide, dopey smile on his face.

“I guess.” Stan shifted his grip on his brother, causing the purring to swell for a moment. “Come on; let’s get back to the Shack. Fidds is going to want to see this.”

Getting Ford back to the car and into the front passenger’s seat was a bit of a difficult matter because of how limp the ghoul had become as a result of the flower, but eventually Stan was able to buckle his brother in as Dipper and Mabel climbed into the back seat, placing the flower between them. It was clear that the kids were starting to get used to the smell. Stan was another story – he kept one window open and occasionally stuck his head out the window entirely on the drive back to the Shack in order to get a breath of fresh air.

In the meantime, Ford was purring so _loudly_ that the entire car shook gently from the force of the noise.

As soon as they got back to the Shack, Dipper and Mabel got out of the car with the flower as Fiddleford opened the front door and looked out.

“What do you two have there?” the vampire asked as Stan went around to the passenger’s side.

“Some kind of miniature rafflesia,” Dipper replied.

“It’s Ford-Nip!” Mabel declared brightly.

“Do you have a flowerpot nearby we could put it in?” Dipper added.

“Ford-Nip?” Fiddleford blinked in confusion for a moment, then looked over at Stan as he dragged Ford out of the car. A knowing smirk crossed his face a moment later. “I see. I think there’s an empty pot or two lying around somewhere. Go ahead and bring it inside – I want to observe this much more closely.”

Stan grinned as he half-dragged, half-carried his brother over to the porch. “I thought you might say that.”

A flowerpot was quickly found for the flower and placed in the center of the living room, where Ford was dropped on the couch.

“Where’d you find this lil’ fella?” Fiddleford’s red eyes scanned the rafflesia with interest.

“Up near the waterfall,” Dipper replied. “Its smell kinda gave it away. Why do you think Ford’s reacting to it like he is?”

“Well, it’s probably got something to do with what he’s got to eat.” Fiddleford looked over at Ford, who was starting to melt off the couch and onto the floor as a result of his strong purring. “Not to mention the chemicals this flower’s releasing in order to lure in and catch its prey.”

Stan rubbed his nose, scowling. “It’s not a nice smell. This thing’s gonna stick in my nose for days – I hope you’re planning on putting it outside, because I’d like to be able to tell good meat from bad meat when I go in for work tomorrow.”

_Whump._

Ford hit the floor, lying on his side and facing the flower, causing Fiddleford and Stan to jump a little and look down at him with deadpan expressions.

Mabel giggled, then gasped. “Oh! Now would be the perfect time to do that!”

“Do what?” Stan looked at Mabel and raised an eyebrow.

“Give him a back massage!” Mabel kicked her shoes off and moved over to Ford, tugging at her grunkle in order to make him turn onto his stomach. He did so in a slumping sort of move, face smushed against the floor and still purring. “He’s got to loosen up.”

Stan and Fiddleford exchanged blank looks at that.

Mabel knelt on Ford’s back and cracked her fingers before she started digging them into her grunkle’s back, pushing this way and that at the knots in his muscles.

_PurrrrrrRRRRRRRRR--_

“Whoa!” Dipper took a step back in surprise as Ford’s purring suddenly swelled up to twice the volume it had been a moment ago.

Stan burst out laughing as Ford’s smile went from dopey to downright pleased. “That did the trick!”

Mabel grinned widely as she kept working at the muscles in Ford’s back. “You just lie still, okay Grunkle Ford? It’s gonna take me a bit to get all these knots out.”

Ford’s purr swelled again in what the others guessed was an affirmative, and he moved his arms under his head to make a makeshift pillow.

Stan laughed again. “Well, you must be doin’ somethin’ right. I don’t think I’ve heard him get this loud before.”

“Or quite this limp.” Fiddleford nudged one of Ford’s feet with his own, an amazed expression on his face. “He’s like a piece of boiled spaghetti!”

“He’s a purring puddle of grunkle!” Mabel giggled.

Dipper, who had certainly been startled when his ghoulish grunkle had started purring, smiled a little and chuckled as Mabel continued her work. “We’re probably going to have to scrape him off the floor if this keeps up.”

Stan grinned widely. “I’m gonna go get my camera. If Ford wakes up and says that he doesn’t remember a lick of this, I want to make sure that I’ve got something to lord over him.”

“Can I have some pictures, too?!” Mabel looked up at Stan with bright eyes. “This is a great scrapbook-ortunity!”

“Sure, kid. Might as well find some blankets and pillows for you kids, too, since you’re staying overnight again.” Stan started out of the room and called over his shoulder, “And make sure you get that plant out of the house before you go to sleep! I don’t want it completely stinking up the place!”

“Sure, Grunkle Stan!” Dipper called back.

Ford simply continued to purr, seemingly oblivious to the world, a content expression on his face.


	8. Found Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frilly Axolotl, this story has been waiting for a new chapter for FAR TOO LONG. I'm glad that I've managed to get the next one posted! Now I've got...one more chapter of nice things -- probably -- before we get into the angstier bits. Can't have Gravity Falls without some tension!

The next morning, Dipper and Mabel woke up at about the same time, lying on the floor of the living room in a nest of blankets and pillows.

Dipper blinked the sleep out of his eyes and looked over a barrier of pillows at his sister. “Morning.”

“Mmm.” Mabel snuggled under the blankets as Dipper sat up, looking far too comfortable to move. “What time is it?”

Dipper checked his wristwatch. “It’s 8:00. We don’t have to be at the diner to meet with everybody else until 9:30.”

Mabel yawned. “Okay. Do you think Grunkle Stan’s shower works? I still smell like that stinky flower.”

“It should, if he lives here.” Dipper scratched his head, frowning, then looked around the living room. “Where _is_ Grunkle Stan, anyway? And Grunkle Ford?”

The thing under Dipper’s head shifted suddenly, and a sound that seemed to be a mix between a rumbling purr and a grunt came from somewhere to his left. He turned his head slightly and caught sight of a pair of half-open green eyes looking at him lazily.

“G-grunkle Ford!” Dipper scrambled away from the ghoul in surprise. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

Ford yawned, revealing a large set of fangs as he rolled over from his side to his stomach and stretched out like a cat, causing Mabel’s head to fall off his legs in the process. “It’s fine.” He flopped back down onto his side on the floor lazily with a sigh and looked at the two of them with a lazy smile. “You two sleep well?”

Mabel popped up into a sitting position, sending a pillow flying in the process. “Yup! You make a nice pillow, Grunkle Ford!”

The deep chuckle Ford gave in response sounded like a half-purr. “That’s good.” He yawned again.

“Grunkle Ford, are you feeling okay?” Dipper asked worriedly. “You look a little tired.”

“ ‘M not. I simply don’t feel like moving yet. That flower’s scent is still in the air a little, even though Stanley opened the windows to let some fresh air in.”

“You remember last night?” Dipper’s eyebrows shot up. “Fiddleford said you might not!”

“I remember bits and pieces. Not much, though.” Ford slowly pushed himself up into a sitting position, leaning back against the couch.

Mabel grinned. “Grunkle Stan and I recorded and took pictures of as much as we could, so you can look at them later!”

Ford gave a humming purr and smiled in response, which made Mabel giggle. “I’ll have to look at it when I feel more myself, then.” He reached over and patted Mabel on the head. “You kids should probably get going.”

“Right!” Dipper nodded in agreement. “Do you know where the bathroom is?”

Ford pointed towards the stairs. “Doesn’t sound like Stan’s in there yet.”

“Thanks! I call dibs!” Mabel scrambled out of the blanket pile and started upstairs, grabbing her bag from where Stanley had put it the night before while she’d been busy massaging Ford.

“H-hey!” Dipper started to rise to his feet, but Mabel was already gone, so he flopped back down on the floor with a sigh. “I hope she doesn’t take too long this time…she can take so long in the mornings because she has so much hair.”

Ford hummed. “I doubt that she will. Considering that Stanley is going to need to take a shower himself, I doubt that Mabel will be able to spend as much time as she would like in there.”

“You’re right she won’t.” Stan came into the living room, hair disheveled in every direction and wearing nothing but an undershirt and a pair of boxers. “She’s got long hair to complain about? _This_ mane gets horribly matted if I leave it alone for too long.” He motioned to his gray hair, which definitely wasn’t in the ponytail that it usually was. “And I don’t intend to leave it alone for much longer, either.”

“Stanley you might as well let our guests wash up first.” Ford opened his mouth to say something else, but ended up yawning again.

“Yeah, well—“ Stan paused. “How long’s it been since you’ve eaten, Ford?”

Ford blinked a couple times at the question. “I’m…not sure? Three days at least.”

Stan came over and grabbed Ford’s hand, pulling him upright. “Yeah, you’re comin’ inta the kitchen with me, Poindexter. Come on. I’m sure there’s still at least one blood bag left in the fridge for ya.”

Ford hummed and murmured something as Stan dragged him into the next room over. Dipper rose to his feet and followed after them.

The kitchen looked like any sort of normal kitchen that a normal house had, except for what was in the fridge. Dipper entered the room just as Stan opened the door to the electrical icebox and stuck his head in before pulling out a bag that was full of red liquid.

Ford’s nose started twitching almost as soon as Stan had it in his hands, and his head shot up as he leaned forward in his seat at the table. His eyes had much more of a wild look to them, now – a wild animal’s _hungry_ look.

Stan held out the blood bag with two fingers to Ford, and an instant later the ghoul had ripped it out of his brother’s hands and sunk his fangs into the plastic and started slurping loudly, like he was sucking through a straw.

Dipper stared with wide eyes as the bag was drained in seconds, leaving Ford looking more alert than he had been a moment ago.

Ford licked his fangs to pick up any residual blood that might have been left on the tips, then blinked in a wide-eyed manner when he noticed that Dipper was staring at him. “Ah. Um.”

Stan turned, then rolled his eyes and sighed. “It was probably gonna happen eventually, if they keep hangin’ around like this.”

“Do you….” Dipper paused, then shook his head. “Do you steal those from the hospital?”

Stan snorted. “Nah; coulda done that years ago, but it’s not so easy when yer as old as me. There’s an underground that does pretty regular deliveries – says they’re takin’ em ta private clinics or hospice places under false names. Actually end up with people like him an’ Fiddlenerd.” Stan jabbed a thumb in Ford’s direction.

“Really? There’s a group that does that?” Dipper’s eyebrows shot up. “I hadn’t thought that—“

“That undead monsters were willing to take their blood this way rather than draining victims dry?” Ford raised an eyebrow. “In a roundabout way, we still do. This is just easier for those few of us who want to keep as much humanity as we can.”

“Plus the guy who runs it said that it’ll make sure the supply doesn’t run out,” Stan added.

“…I _guess_ that makes sense,” Dipper admitted.

There came a pounding on the back door, causing some of the walls to shake.

Ford flinched at the noise, his and Stan’s eyes widening in alarm.

“Hey! We know you’ve got Dipper and Mabel in there! If you don’t let them out, we’re coming—“

_WHAM!_

Grenda suddenly burst through the back door like a football player mid-tackle. She turned around to face the now-open doorway, grinning widely. “I BROKE THE DOOR DOWN!”

“Grenda, you idiot, you were supposed to wait five minutes!” Pacifica started to step in after Grenda, followed by Wendy, who looked annoyed as well.

“LIKE I’M GOING TO WAIT IF THERE’S A CHANCE DIPPER AND MABEL ARE BEING HELD AGAINST THEIR WILL, PACIFICA!”

“Oh dear.” Ford clenched his teeth nervously.

Stan muttered a curse under his breath and stomped out of the kitchen. “And what do you kids think you’re doin’, huh? Now I gotta replace the door!”

“Stan?” Wendy blinked in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here, what do you think?” Stan put his hands on his hips, frowning at the three young women as more heads popped through the doorway.

Ford sank down in his seat and slid under the table.

“Now, what are you kids doing here? I hope you can fork over the cash I’m gonna need to get this door replaced today, or else—“

“Stan, it’s nearly ten.” Wendy put her hands on her hips as Dipper moved over to the kitchen door as Ford remained crouched under the table. “We were expecting you guys at the diner an _hour_ ago. Susan wasn’t worried about it, but we were.”

“Ten? But my watch says—“ Dipper looked down at his watch again and blinked in surprise when he saw the second hand wasn’t moving. “Oh. My battery must’ve died this morning.”

“Dipper!” Candy jumped forward and grabbed Dipper in a hug. “You are OK!”

Pacifica snorted and rolled her eyes. “Of course he is.”

“WHERE’S MABEL?” Grenda asked.

“Sh-she’s upstairs taking a shower!” Dipper carefully untangled himself from Candy. “She went up there not too long ago; she’s probably be down in fifteen, twenty minutes? Kinda depends on whether or not Grunkle Stan’s shower cooperates.”

“Well, I’m glad you guys are all right.” Wendy looked around the front hall. “So the Mystery Shack is _your_ house, Stan? You could’ve said something – maybe even had us over sometime.”

“Oh, no, don’t you start with that.” Stan eyed the four of them with a disapproving frown. “In case you haven’t noticed, this house is in the middle of the forest fer a _reason._ Now how ‘bout you kids head back to the diner and let everyone else know we’ll be along in a little bit. Nothin’ bad happened er anythin’, got it?”

Candy started backing away from Dipper, then paused, gasped, and pointed over Dipper’s shoulder. “Green eyes!”

Dipper stiffened as he heard something shift behind him.

“What?” Wendy started coming over.

“Nope!” Stan pushed both of them back. “Get out of the house and don’t come talkin’ ta me unless ya got the cash ta fix the door!”

“I can fix the door without needing cash; I know my dad’s handiwork when I see it,” Wendy snapped back. “You’re _living_ with the green-eyed thing that we ran into the last time we were here?!”

Dipper moved closer to the table as Ford remained crouched under it, something blazing in the ghoul’s green eyes as his ears drooped. “Guys, don’t—“

“What if he has them under a SPELL?” Grenda moved forward, rolling her shoulders.

Stan stepped in her way. “Excuse me, but I’d know if I was being hypnotized.”

“Actually, that’s kinda impossible,” Pacifica spoke up. “Especially if you were already under that thing’s spell.”

Ford made an annoyed noise from under the table. “I am _not_ about to hypnotize my own brother and nephew, thank you very much.”

The four girls froze at Ford’s snipping tone.

“…um, what?” Pacifica blinked a couple times.

Stan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Ford, I thought ya wanted yer _privacy._ I was about ta get ‘em outta here!”

“Well, as soon as I was spotted, _that_ idea went out the window, didn’t it?” Ford came out from under the table and stood up, causing the four girls to move back in alarm as he came forward and put a hand on Dipper’s shoulder. He nodded to them in turn. “Wendy, Pacifica, Grenda, Candy. My name is Ford. Yes, I am a ghoul. No, I am not about to drain you dry – I just ate.” He motioned back to the empty plastic bag on the table with one hand as their eyes widened. “And yes, Stanley is my brother, which makes Dipper and Mabel my great-nephew and niece.”

The matter-of-fact tone Ford presented them with caused the four girls to gawk at him with wide eyes.

Wendy recovered first. “A-a ghoul?” She blinked rapidly, then shook her head and glared at him. “If you’re a ghoul, where’s the vampire? You people are always connected with—“

“He’s asleep, considering the sun has risen.” Ford raised an eyebrow. “The only reason I’m not is because I got little sleep as a human and that transferred over. Speaking of which, I should be hiding away myself – any longer out in the open like this, and I will no doubt start losing pieces of myself.”

With that, Ford started to make his way out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“Think we could meet this vampire?” Wendy asked.

Ford paused in front of the bookcase. “That depends on whether or not he feels like it. You’ve broken into my home twice now, and considering that vampires can only enter into places that they are _invited_ into, he hasn’t taken too kindly to it.” Ford glanced back. “I’ll see if he’s willing to meet with you, and he might, but you will have to meet him on his terms, not yours.”

Ford pulled on one of the books, causing the entire bookcase to slide to one side, revealing a hidden passageway that led down into the earth. Ford started down the stairs, and the bookcase slid back into place.

Stan sighed irritably. “Well, now you’ve done it. He’s been workin’ up the courage ta talk to you guys face to face fer a while, and that was definitely _not_ how he was plannin’ on it goin’.” He frowned at Wendy in disapproval. “The kids were with me; they’re _fine._ Do ya really not trust me that much?”

Wendy flinched at Stan’s expression, as did Candy and Grenda. “Look, Stan, you’ve been lying to us with your fake names and keeping things secret since we started looking into this stuff. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you’re a _werewolf._ ”

“I was doin’ it ta keep ya safe,” Stan replied pointedly. “Trust me, six years ago ya weren’t ready fer the truth.” He pointed towards the door. “I’m gonna go dig up some tools, an’ yer gonna fix that door. An’ then we’re all gonna go to the diner an’ have a late breakfast.”

A piece of paper came fluttering out from under the bookcase.

Stan walked over and picked it up. “Oh. An’ Poindexter down there apparently wants ta look over those growin’ and shrinkin’ crystals you kids found a couple years back.”

Wendy snatched the paper from Stan’s hands and looked it over. Dipper moved closer, but when she looked up at him he hesitated.

Wendy sighed and turned the paper around. “It’s got that same six-fingered sigil we’ve been seeing around town.”

“Whoa….” Candy adjusted her glasses.

“So that ghoul’s been _stalking_ us?” Pacifica demanded incredulously.

Another paper came fluttering out. Grenda grabbed this one, then handed it to Pacifica.

“ ‘I can’t continue my research of Gravity Falls as I did before because of my transformation, and as you are curious about what is happening in the town I thought we could help each other out.’” Pacifica made a face at the paper. “This guy’s a _scientist?”_

A third paper fluttered out. In big, curvy letters, the name “Dr. Stanford Pines, Ph.D” could be clearly seen. Below that was a list of twelve different studies – most in the sciences, and _all_ with “Ph.D” written behind it.

Candy’s jaw dropped.

“Yeah, yeah, Poindexter, ya don’t need ta list all yer degrees,” Stan called over to the bookcase.

The bookcase opened from behind, revealing Ford kneeling on the stairs and a sheaf of papers and a pen in front of him. “They are curious, what do you expect me to do, keep my mouth shut?” His ears twitched irritably.

“Well, I wasn’t expectin’ ya ta keep gettin’ involved in the conversation after ya went downstairs.” Stan snorted. “Get downstairs, Ford; I’ll handle things from here. Don’t worry about it.”

Ford hesitated, drumming his clawed fingers a little against the wooden floor. When Stan continued to stare at him, he sighed irritably and grabbed the back of the bookcase and closed it abruptly.

Stan nodded, then looked over at the four intruders. “Go on, get back to the diner. We’ll be along. ‘Cept for you, Wendy. You got a door to fix.”

“Right; door.” Wendy rolled her eyes. “You guys go on ahead; this’ll probably take me ten minutes.”

Pacifica, Grenda, and Candy exchanged looks, then walked out of the house and through the wide-open doorway. Stan nodded as they left, then disappeared into another room for a moment before coming back with an armful of tools. He dropped them on the floor next to the door, and Wendy went to work putting it back in place.

Mabel came bounding into the room, wearing clean clothes and a towel wrapped around her head. “Kay, Dipper, you can—“ She stopped and blinked when she saw Wendy and the torn-down door. “Uh…what did I miss?”


	9. Get to know the neighbors

The day after Grenda broke down the door and Wendy fixed it, the entire Mystery Crew was standing on the porch of the shack in the woods with Stan, Dipper, and Mabel standing between them and the entrance. The sun had set an hour ago, leaving only what little moonlight they had and the lights from inside the shack to illuminate the clearing.

“All right.” Stan eyed the group of young adults in front of him. “Now, I know you guys have tried stepping in here before without permission, but tonight’s different, ‘cause ya have it. We’re gonna lay down a few ground rules first: the two nerds I share the house with aren’t used ta having so many people over at a time, so _keep it down,_ got it? Advanced hearin’ an’ all that.” He motioned to his own ears before folding his arms across his chest. “Second: don’ get too personal with any questions ya ask; even I don’t know the full story about how they ended up like they did, an’ I don’t intend ta figure it out.”

“Like how we can’t ask you how you became a werewolf,” Lee guessed.

“Yeah, that. I’m glad ya remembered without me poundin’ another lesson inta yer skinny hide.” Stan grinned as Lee nodded quickly.

“But we can ask questions.” Tambry raised an eyebrow.

“Eh.” Stan made a “so-so” motion. “Ford figured that since he was gettin’ you guys ta do things, it’d only be fair. Just don’t get too pokey and you’ll be fine.” He stepped aside and pushed the door open – it didn’t creak like it had been the times Dipper and Mabel had been there; Wendy had done excellent work repairing it. “Come on.”

The Mystery Crew stepped through the doorway – Wendy first, since she had come through the doorway yesterday morning. Pacifica, Grenda, and Candy followed, and then the rest of the group, with Dipper, Mabel, and Stan bringing up the rear.

Ford was standing near the bookcase, his nose in a red book with a six-fingered hand on the cover. His ears twitched as everyone filed in, and he looked up to find a group of young men and women staring at him with wide eyes. He blinked, then smiled and put the book back in place before calling over his shoulder, “Fiddleford! We have guests!”

“Give me a minute!” called back a voice with a Southern twang. “I’m tryin’ ta seal yer little drug problem so we won’t have ta deal with the stench every time I wanna study it!”

“Drug problem?” Wendy repeated.

Mabel snickered and Stan smirked as Ford gained an annoyed expression.

“We found a flower that makes Grunkle Ford relax,” Mabel explained.

“ _G-grunkle?”_ Thompson yelped. “Y-you’re saying that—“

“I am Dipper and Mabel’s great-uncle and Stanley’s brother, yes.” Ford raised an eyebrow. “Considering that you live in Gravity Falls, is that truly _that_ absurd of an idea?”

Fiddleford came into the room, and the Mystery Crew scrambled back as soon as they caught sight of the skinny vampire’s red eyes. “I dunno; they haven’t met that Gremloblin, an’ I honestly hope they never will.”

“Mm. Good point.” Ford tapped his chin thoughtfully. “That _would_ make a bit of a difference in how they’re going to wrap their heads around all this.” He shrugged. “I’m sure it won’t take long.”

“I _knew_ real vampires didn’t sparkle,” Tambry muttered. She pulled a tablet out of the satchel at her side and started writing with a stylus.

Fiddleford blinked. “Pardon?”

“It’s from a book series that came out a few years back.” Tambry didn’t even bother looking up as she kept writing. “I liked _Dracula_ much better.”

“Ah.” Fiddleford straightened himself up a little, smiling a little.

Ford snorted. “Have you gotten more _vain_ in your old age?”

“Oh, hush. Nothin’ wrong with helpin’ a curious mind every once in a while.” Fiddleford looked over at the group. “Fiddleford McGucket, engineer. My friend here’s Ford Pines, Stan’s older brother.”

“ _Older_ brother?” Nate repeated. “But he looks—“

“I was turned almost forty years ago and I haven’t aged a day since,” Ford said flatly. “But yes, I am older than Stanley.”

“Oh.” Nate backed down a little. “S-sorry, I didn’t—“

“It’s a bit of a touchy subject,” Stan said simply. “So let’s not get too far into it.”

“You said that you researched Gravity Falls before you got turned into this,” Pacifica spoke up suddenly. “So do you know what’s with all the handprints that have been popping up all over the place? The glowing ones?”

Ford blinked at the question, surprised at the change in subject. “The – oh! Oh, yes. I’m actually the cause of those.”

“You are?” Wendy blinked in surprise. “How? Is it some kind of ghoul thing you can do or…?”

“No, no, not a ghoul-specific thing.” Ford paused, considering. “Well, I don’t _think_ so, at any rate. I mostly use it to keep track of the different locations around Gravity Falls and how dangerous they would be to mortal or undead beings.”

“That explains the handprint down in the mine near the dinosaurs in tree sap!” Dipper looked at the others. “Grunkle Ford, you were down there?”

“At one point.” Ford nodded. “The…pterodactyl incident was more than enough for me to go down there and investigate myself. Thankfully none of them were loose _or_ looking for some undead meat, so I considered the danger minimal for the moment.”

“Gideon was down there when we went down there.” Mabel frowned. “He was talking about making a dino park maybe.”

“Honestly, how dumb is that guy to try and break out a raptor?” Wendy shook her head.

Ford stared at them, then looked over at Stan. “How has this child managed to win the hearts of the people of Gravity Falls?”

“By havin’ a silver tongue.” Stan shrugged. “Basically.”

Fiddleford growled. “That boy. I seen him snoopin’ around in places he really shouldn’ be. I swear, the next time I see that boy I’ll be quite tempted to drain him dry. He’s lucky his appearance and scent make him so unappealin’.”

“How do you think I feel?” Stan replied. “I have to deal with him every day; my nose is practically stuffed twenty-four seven because of him.”

Fiddleford winced apologetically at that.

“I knew there was something off about that brat,” Robbie muttered. “I’ve caught him snooping around in the cemetery a couple times, checking the graves to see if any of the zombies have been getting up lately. After we blasted their brains out six years ago, though, I _really_ doubt that any of them are gonna be getting up anytime soon.”

“Not to mention, he’s been trying to get on Mabel’s good side ever since she got here,” Lee added.

“He _what?!”_ Ford’s teeth were suddenly bared in a snarl, causing the humans to take a slight step back from him on instinct.

“It’s okay, Grunkle Ford, I’ve got it handled,” Mabel said quickly. “Gideon’s just another guy who doesn’t know how to take a hint. So long as I’m with my friends when he’s around, he’ll leave me alone. And even if they’re not…” She grinned and reached into a hidden pocket sewn into her sweater, pulling out a pair of sparkle-covered brass knuckles. “Let’s just say that boxing runs in the family.”

Stan burst out laughing. “Atta girl! You should show me some of your moves sometime!”

“Only if you show me yours!” Mabel grinned at her grunkle.

Stan snickered darkly. “You got it, kiddo. Finally, someone else around here who can handle punching things just as well as me!”

“Stanley, we both took boxing lessons when we were kids,” Ford pointed out.

“Yeah, well, your nerd stuff kinda got in the way of keeping up with me, didn’t it?” Stan poked his brother’s stomach and snickered. “You don’t have all the upper body strength I got. Yours is all in the legs.”

“So what if it is? I can still throw a punch, Stanley.” Ford sounded slightly annoyed, but the amused look on his face clearly said he was something else entirely.

“Yeah, but you don’t got as much oomph behind it as I do.” Stan grinned.

“Like I need that when most run from me as soon as they find out that I’m a ghoul.” Ford rolled his eyes at his brother.

“I guess that makes it pretty hard to keep up your studies, huh?” Lee grinned a bit.

“A little, yes. At least it means that the gnomes avoid the house like the plague – after their queen died they blamed us and decided they didn’t want to get suckered.” Ford grinned, showing his fangs. “We’re not the ones who took their queen and ate her, though; the amount of sugar in her blood would have probably done us in.”

“Sugar?” Mabel repeated, interested.

“According to him, gnome queens are so sweet and kind they basically taste like candy,” Stan explained, jabbing a thumb in his brother’s direction. “Makes them more hunted after in the forest, apparently.”

“Huh.” Dipper looked at his sister. “You know, if we were younger and smaller than we are now, I bet you could pass as a gnome queen pretty well.”

“Maybe I could!” Mabel looked thoughtful. “But I don’t think I’d want to.”

“Wise choice,” Ford said dryly. “Considering that gnome kingdoms are essentially magical bee hives.”

The picture _that_ sent through everyone’s heads caused the younger generation to shudder collectively.

“I think I’ll be keeping an eye out for any gnomes that might want my sister,” Dipper said.

“Good choice,” Stan said. “You know a few moves, kiddo?”

“I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.” Dipper grinned back at his grunkle.

“Good. Can’t have you getting caught from behind if you don’t know how to defend yourself.”

“Especially if Gideon tries anything,” Fiddleford added.

“If Gideon tries to do something, he’s gonna be met with us first,” Wendy spoke up with grim determination.

“I doubt he has access to what we do,” Tambry agreed. She paused, considering. “Speaking of which, do either of you two know something about the Gobblewonker robot that we left in the waterfall cave near the lake?”

Ford blinked blankly. “The wha – Oh!” He looked over at Fiddleford with an amused expression. “Didn’t you say something a few years ago about drawing something out with something that looked like a possible mate?”

Fiddleford’s pale visage started to turn red, and he looked away with a huff. “I don’ recall what you’re talkin’ about.”

Ford only looked increasingly amused while the others only became increasingly confused.

“You mean there’s a _real_ Gobblewonker in the lake?” Candy spoke up, eyes wide. “I thought it was only local myth!”

“YEAH!” Grenda agreed. “Now I wanna go and find it!”

“You’re not going to, I’m afraid.” Ford shrugged. “The creature is even more elusive than our floating island head, and I doubt that it’s been seen by human eyes. The only reason the machine looks like it does is because we took the local myths as we heard them and built our interpretation of that. Well, I did – Fiddleford actually built the design and took it from there.”

“Whoa….”

Fiddleford preened at the resulting sound of awe from the guests. Ford looked more amused at their reactions.

“Can you teach me?”

“Hmm?” Fiddleford looked over at Tambry. “What?”

“Teach me,” the young woman repeated. “Most people nowadays can’t just throw together a robot like that – I’ve been scrapping parts from it for _years_ and I still haven’t figured out how it worked.”

“Teach me too!” Candy spoke up. “Technology and robots are fun!”

“And we’re going to need to have something to back us up if we run into anything out in the woods,” Tambry added.

Fiddleford looked surprised at the two girls and their request.

Ford sidled up next to him and nudged him with an elbow. “I’d do it. You have a couple bright, willing minds right here.”

“Shush and let me think.”

Ford nodded and moved away from Fiddleford as the vampire tapped his chin in thought. Tambry and Candy did not take their gazes off him; if anything, they became more insistent.

Stan raised an eyebrow at Ford, who gave a half-smile and shook his head.

Fiddleford looked between the two girls and broke out into a grin. “Well, if you two think you can keep up with me, then I’ll take you on as my apprentices.”

“YES!” Candy jumped up into the air, one fist held high.

“But!” Fiddleford held up a finger. “You _cannot_ tell _anyone_ about what yer learnin’ an’ who yer learnin’ it from. I’d rather not find some poor fellow on my doorstep anytime soon tryin’ ta get me to teach him too.”

“Consider our lips sealed,” Tambry said with a grin. She and Candy both mimed sealing their lips and throwing away the key, earning a chuckle from Wendy.

“Good. Now, before we get started, I want to know what you two are capable of. Bring me some invention of yers tomorrow night – improved off someone else’s design or not, doesn’t matter to me – and we’ll see how things go from there.” Fiddleford smiled and winked. “If you can keep up with me, then yer gonna be walkin’ away knowin’ the ins and outs of animatronics that most folks might only be able to dream of.”

Candy gasped. “I can finally make an anime mecha!”

Fiddleford blinked in confusion, his smile dropping a little. “Anime?”

Mabel’s eyes widened sharply as Stan gained a knowing look and looked away from Fiddleford as he tried to hide his snickers. “Ohmygosh you don’t know about _anime?”_

“We’ve been living in a cabin in the middle of the woods for the last thirty-odd years, Mabel,” Ford said, raising an eyebrow. “Do you really expect us to know _everything_ that’s gone on outside of these woods?”

“Here we go,” Dipper muttered. The grin on his face made his tone seem less like he didn’t like what was coming.

Mabel, Candy, and Soos squealed in unison, causing Ford’s ears to flick at the sound.

“Grunkle Ford, you have been missing out on _a lot,”_ Mabel declared. “Next time we get the chance, we _have_ to have a marathon.”

“Yes!” Candy nodded her head quickly. “Soos has a great collection of anime! We can borrow from there!”

“Indeed you can, my doods!” Soos laughed. “I’ve got all the great ones!”

Ford and Fiddleford exchanged uneasy looks. Stan laughed at their expressions.

“It’s okay, Poindexter; it’s just nerdy stuff in cartoon form, that’s all.” Stan grinned widely. “I’m pretty sure you’re gonna fit right in with that.”

Ford frowned at that. “Stanley—“

“We got Mr. Mystery into it a few years back,” Soos said, grinning. “There are fighting ones, sports, everyday life, ones where you go out in space, _robots, guns, swords, gun swords_ – and Mr. Mystery likes the—“

“Hey, now, don’t tell him that!” Stan slapped a hand over Soos’ mouth.

“…well, if my brother can find something he likes, I don’t see why we can’t give it a _try,”_ Ford said carefully. He looked over at Fiddleford, tilting his head slightly.

“…well, _maybe_ some entertainment every once in a while is a good thing,” Fiddleford acknowledged. There was a spark in his eyes as well – clearly he had something on his mind. “An’ if there’s robots in there, I wouldn’t mind giving them a gander!”

Ford and Stan exchanged knowing, but slightly nervous looks at that while Mabel, Candy, and Soos cheered and high-fived each other.

“Then it’s settled!” Soos said cheerily. “Next time we come over, we’re bringing my collection and getting you guys started!”

“What about tomorrow?” Ford asked.

“Yes, definitely tomorrow,” Fiddleford agreed. “I’d like to see those robots as soon as possible!”

“You got it!” Soos replied. “Mecha anime it is!”

Stan shook his head and chuckled as the others started chiming in with titles. He looked over at Dipper and Mabel and grinned; the two of them shot back similar expressions.

“Looks like this summer just got a lot more fun!” Mabel said with a grin.

“Sure looks like it,” Dipper agreed. “I hope it’s not gonna be just watching anime for the rest of the summer, though.”

Stan snorted. “Oh, I don’t think so. My brother may be a total nerd, but he’s gonna need breaks every once in a while from that stuff. You’ll get ta poke around in his head later.”

“Good.” Dipper grinned. “Because I still have a _ton_ of questions about Gravity Falls.”

**Space Break**

“Y-you’re finally moving _now?_ But you said you wanted to do this years ago! Why did you make us wait for so long to get those parts?!” The anger in the man’s voice was evident, but so was a hint of fear.

“BECAUSE NOT ALL THE PIECES WERE IN PLAY YET, DOOFUS!” A hand came quite close to hitting the other’s face; the man quickly cowered and pulled back, which was the only thing that saved him from getting his face completely blown off. “I JUST HAD ONE MINOR SETBACK FROM MY ORIGINAL PLAN. GET THAT MINION OF OURS MOVING; IT’S TIME FOR PLAN B.”

“Y-yes – of course!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't tell me you didn't think this story was going to be pure fluff now and forever. :3 This is Gravity Falls we're talking about! The Angst is going to find this one eventually.


	10. Vampiric Carnival, part 1

“Hey, what is that?”

“Hmm?” Dipper glanced up from his journal just in time to see a procession of some kind starting to make its way down the street. “Oh – I think it’s a circus. So that’s why I’ve been hearing that calliope music for the last ten minutes.” He went back to writing.

“They don’t look like a circus, Dipdop.” Mabel frowned, then slid off the bench the two of them had been sitting on and moved to the edge of the sidewalk. “They look more like some kinda…funeral procession.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look at the coffins they’re dragging around!”

“Wait, what?” Dipper looked up sharply from his journal just as the procession started to pass by in front of them.

There were carriages with brightly colorfully-painted outsides, but they weren’t pulled by horses – they were pulled by people wearing wide-brimmed straw hats with body-length veils. Underneath, they wore black robes. Because of the veils, their faces weren’t completely visible, but something about the way they moved gave the twins the impression that they had heavy, invisible weights on their shoulders.

“Almost looks like a cult,” Mabel whispered to Dipper as he moved to stand next to her.

Some of the people between the carriages were carrying large, wooden coffins.

Dipper frowned. “That…doesn’t look normal.”

One of the few people who wasn’t carrying a coffin or pulling a carriage stumbled when his foot hit a crack in the street; he quickly moved to right himself, stepping on his veil in the process and tearing a part of it away from the hat he was wearing.

In the process, Dipper and Mabel got a better look at the man’s head as the veil came off. Specifically, his _ears._

Mabel gasped softly as the man – no, as the _ghoul_ – quickly gathered up the veil and moved to catch up with the others in the procession. He didn’t so much as glance back as he fell into step with the others.

“Mabel….” Dipper put a hand on his sister’s shoulder and pulled her back, away from the street. “I don’t like the looks of this ‘circus’.”

“We should tell Grunkle Stan about this,” Mabel responded. “We gotta – we gotta tell you-know-who.”

“Yeah, no kidding. Come on.”

Dipper and Mabel cut through the alley behind them, leaving the “circus” behind as they made their way back to Greasy’s Diner. Dipper pulled his phone out of his phone as they went, speed-dialing Soos’ number.

Soos picked up the phone on the third ring. _::Dipper? What’s up, dude?::_

“We’ve got possible trouble,” Dipper replied quickly. “Meet us at the diner!”

_::Yeah, sure doods! We’ll see you there!::_

“Thanks!”

“Do you think they were _all_ ghouls?” Mabel asked as they reached the diner.

“Probably? But then that means that the coffins have to be – y’know.” Dipper looked around, trying to see if they had been followed by a ghoul dressed in black or not. Not seeing any, he looked at his sister nervously. “But I wouldn’t doubt it.”

“What do you think that’s gonna mean for—“

“I don’t know, but whatever it is, it can’t be good.” Dipper looked over at the door. “Come on, we—“

The door promptly opened, and Gideon came running out of the diner squealing. There was something in his “perfect” white hair that didn’t look like it was supposed to be there.

“For the last time, don’t harass my cook!” A woman with dusty blue hair stood in the doorway, shaking a spatula at Gideon’s retreating form. As soon as she caught sight of the two of them, she smiled brightly. “Hello, Dipper, Mabel! What brings you around here?”

“We need to talk to St – to Andrew,” Dipper said. “Is that okay, Susan?”

“He’s manning the mop right now,” Susan motioned back to the inside of the diner. “Gideon tried to trip him up and caused his allergies to act up. I swear, I know that boy’s a town sweetheart, but he’s gotten quite annoying in the last few days. I wonder what exactly it is that he has against my cook!”

“I don’t know if we’d be able to answer that.”

“Ah, well. At least he knows not to come in and bother us so much. Go on in and talk to him – I’ve got a kitchen to clean up!” She winked. “Wink!”

As Susan disappeared into the diner, she called, “Stan! Your niblings are here!”

Dipper stared after her as he entered the diner, Mabel right behind him. “Grunkle Stan, did you tell her?”

“Nah. Susan’s just really perceptive like that. Nobody really knows how.” Stan leaned against the mop he was working with. “What’s up, you two?” He frowned. “You two look like you’ve got a monster on your heels.”

“We might as well,” Dipper replied. “We just saw ghouls, Grunkle Stan. A lot of them.”

“They looked like they were part of some kind of circus caravan, but some of them were carrying coffins,” Mabel added. “And a lot of them looked really sad.”

Stan’s eyes widened sharply. “Ghouls and—“ He looked over at the kitchen. “Susan, none of this leaves the diner, got it?”

“Okey-dokey Stan!”

Stan looked back at the twins. “If there’s ghouls carrying coffins, that means they’ve got vampires with them. You remember how Fidds and Ford are, right?”

The two of them nodded.

“Vampires can have multiple ghouls under them. My guess is that there’s more ghouls than vampires in that little caravan out there, and if they’re here in town, that probably means they’re looking for food. And not in the civil way that Ford and Fidds get it.”

“What are we gonna do then?” Dipper asked worriedly.

“You get in contact with the others yet?”

Dipper nodded. “Yeah; I called Soos on the way here.”

“Good. Fill them in, then figure out what these guys are here for – they’re gonna have a way to disguise themselves as friendlies before they turn around and start setting off their trap and eating people.” Stan’s eyes narrowed.

Dipper and Mabel exchanged nervous looks as Soos and Melody entered the diner, followed Wendy.

“What’s up, dudes?” Soos asked. “What’s the trouble?”

“Have you guys seen the circus that’s going through town?” Dipper asked.

“That gothfest?” Wendy snorted. “If they’d come here six years ago, Robbie would have _loved_ it.”

“Those are actual ghouls – probably with actual vampires in those coffins,” Dipper replied.

“And if they’re here, then Grunkle Fidds and Grunkle Ford might have a problem,” Mabel added worriedly.

“That _is_ serious,” Melody said worriedly.

“So, what? We go after these guys and kick them out of town?” There was a gleam in Wendy’s eye that said she was more than up to a fight with undead blood-sucking monsters.

“I dunno if we _can,”_ Dipper replied. “I mean, there were a _lot_ of ghouls and – and I don’t think we know everything we _can_ know about them in order to take them out!”

“Or at least stop them,” Mabel added. She shuffled her feet and ducked her head as the others looked at her. “I…I don’t think I’m up to killing anything.”

“They’re undead,” Wendy pointed out.

“Then what about Grunkle Ford?”

Wendy looked away at that, looking like she’d been slapped.

Stan winced. “Yeah, Mabel’s got a point.”

“So, we’re not gonna kill them, we’re just gonna…kick their butts and hope they go away and leave us alone?” Soos suggested. “How are we gonna do that?”

“Well, in order to do that we’d have to find something that repulses vampires and ghouls more than anything. Or find a way to damage them _enough_ without killing them.” Stan gained a thoughtful look.

“Do you think they’d be willing to help?” Melody asked. “I mean, you’re basically asking them to know how to _kill_ them. I don’t know if they’ll think it’s a good idea.”

“Well, we’ll have to bring it up with them, now won’t we?” Stan replied. “Swing by the house after dark tonight and we’ll see what they think, but in the meantime—“

Pacifica burst into the diner. “We’ve got a problem!”

Stan frowned as the others turned and looked at the blond. “What kinda problem?”

“There’s these – I don’t know _how_ to describe them, but it looks like a some kind of cult has settled up on the road in front of my house.” Pacifica’s eyes were wide. “Mom and Dad were actually _happy_ to see them – that normally doesn’t happen when riffraff come up and start camping right in our driveway! One of them even came up to Dad and – I think when he kissed his hand, he left _bite marks._ He said something about a contract and harvesting and – I don’t know _what’s_ going on but I don’t like the look of it.”

The others looked over at Stan, who had a guarded look on his face.

“Okay. Susan, if you see _anything_ about a circus, any advertisements, anything by word of mouth, _don’t go there.”_ Stan sent the woman a pointed look. “I mean it.”

“Like I’d go anyway – I’m content at home with my cats!” Susan replied cheerily.

Stan shuddered. “Right….” He looked back at the others. “Meet me in the Shack tonight. We need to get this taken care of now – Pacifica, don’t go home tonight, either. Call your parents and tell them you’re staying at a friend’s house or something and don’t let them say no, got it?” He pointed at her meaningfully. “Remember the tricks I taught you – throw them off.”

Pacifica nodded. “R-right. Soos, can I…?”

“Sure. No problem.”

“And I want to be at this meeting too. If these guys are living right outside my doorstep for the next few days, I want to know how to drive them off so that I don’t get drained dry.” Pacifica looked shaken at the idea.

“Hey, that’s so not gonna happen,” Mabel replied instantly. “Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Fidds’ll make sure that we’re all okay. But, Pacifica – why are your parents okay with _ghouls_ and _vampires?”_

“I don’t know.” Pacifica shook her head and shrugged helplessly. “I mean, after the ghost curse thing, I know that they’ve got connections to less-than-savory people. But _undead_ ones? I would have thought Dad wouldn’t want to be breathing the same air as them!”

“Your parents are one sour generation,” Stan muttered. “Next full moon they’re getting more than a little ‘visit’ from me to their garden.”

“Don’t hit the blue roses this time. Please. They’re only there because I wanted them.”

Stan grunted at Pacifica’s request.

**Time Break**

“A _circus_ of ghouls and vampires?” Ford repeated. “And connections with the Northwests, no less – this is definitely something to look into. I have some historical documents…maybe….”

He slipped out of the living room and behind the bookcase, muttering to himself.

Fiddleford watched him go, then turned to look at Stan, the younger twins, Soos, Wendy, and Pacifica. The expression on his face was stern. “If Preston’s involved with a caravan like that, that’s gotta be bad news.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Pacifica muttered. “I’m worried about what it is that they’re going to be doing here – I mean, why do they even travel around? I thought vampires and their whatevers were supposed to stay in one place.”

“Well, I’m no complete expert, but I think they usually are supposed ta stay in one place. Ya don’t wanna get caught on the open road in daylight.” Fiddleford shook his head. “Ghouls aren’t forced ta sleep durin’ the day; they just get more sluggish. An’ they don’t vaporize as soon as they step out in the sun, but they do better in the dark and look an’ smell less dead when they avoid the sun.”

“Did Grunkle Ford find that out the hard way?” Mabel asked.

“You can put it that way,” Fiddleford muttered. He sighed and shook his head. “Ghouls only come aroun’ when a vampire – or some other creature – wants a servant of some kind. They can make other vampires the same way, but really, they don’ want competition so close to them unless they really want company of a diff’rent kind.”

“Wait. Does that mean someone turned you into a vampire and you—“

“Our situation’s a bit of an exception,” Fiddleford said quickly, cutting Wendy off. “We’re outliers out here.”

“So, vampires _can_ have more than one ghoul, then,” Dipper noted.

“I suppose.”

“Because I saw more ghouls than I saw coffins.”

Fiddleford paused at that, considering. “Well, that’s troublesome.”

“So, if ghouls are supposed to be servants, does that mean you can order Dr. Pines around?” Pacifica asked casually.

“Well, I _can,_ but I don’t like to do it unless the situation rightly calls fer it.” Fiddleford cocked his head slightly. “Which, actually—“

Ford came out from behind the bookcase, carrying a couple large books covered in dust. “Okay, so according to what I’ve found—“

**_“Ford.”_ **

At the strange echo in Fiddleford’s voice, Ford froze, eyes suddenly glowing a brighter green.

**_“Yer not leaving this house until further notice.”_ **

Ford stood still for a second. Then the glow left his eyes abruptly and he gasped like he’d just come out of the lake for air. He stumbled back against the bookcase. “F-Fiddleford, _why_ did you—“

“Because if you wander out there and those carnival kooks find ya and get a hold a’ ya, what do you think’s gonna happen?” Fiddleford’s tone was cold.

Ford’s ears drooped at that; he ducked his head and muttered, “You didn’t have to do _that._ I could have stayed in without—“

“In case ya haven’t noticed, ya’ve got a bit of a bad habit of wanderin’ inta the paths of things that shouldn’t be wandered into,” Fiddleford replied shortly. “I’m not takin’ _any_ chances this time.”

Ford scowled as Stan nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, Ford, he’s got a bit of a point,” Stanley commented. “So, what’s with the books?”

Ford’s scowling expression only became more grim. “Some copies of the historical charters that I was able to get from the library – before the Northwests came in and seized the rest.”

“What would my family want with those old things?” Pacifica asked, frowning.

“Because they detail things they would never want to see the light of day – especially considering _who_ they have made deals with.”

Ford put the books on the coffee table in the middle of the room and opened one to a bookmarked page. “Look at this – details of human trafficking to people who appear _multiple_ _times_ throughout the charter over _multiple generations._ ”

Pacifica gained a horrified expression. “Wait, what? None of the paintings my parents hid away in the house have—“

“Because these dealings aren’t ones with the _living.”_

Pacifica paled. “What?”

“These two books alone have records of vampires and other undead creatures coming to their doorstep in search of sustenance – _human_ blood, among other things. There are names here that are nearly unpronounceable in the English language, but look vaguely like languages from other countries.” Ford looked over at Fiddleford. “As well as ones that should not be pronounced by human tongues.”

“What do you mean, Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asked, frowning.

“Let’s just say that there are some people who have died in unusual ways here in town and they coincide _quite well_ with what certain mythological creatures are capable of. But what we’re dealing with now are vampires and ghouls – they’re here to drain the town dry, at least in part. Some will most likely end up dead, others turned into ghouls, and some just used as blood banks while they’re here.”

The tone in Ford’s voice and the information he was giving them caused a chill to fall over the room.

“Wh-what are we gonna do?” Dipper asked.

Ford looked at his nephew and shrugged. “My hands are tied until Fiddleford says otherwise; I can’t set foot out of the house and help you personally. We can tell you what to do when it comes to defending yourselves from them, however – and hopefully spread that to the rest of the town.” Ford looked over at Fiddleford, who inclined his head in thought for a moment before nodding.

“It’s a bit of a risk, considerin’ what the two of us are, but it’s a risk we’re gonna have ta take if yer gonna be able ta defend yerselves against these fellas,” Fiddleford agreed.

“So, is it the usual ‘stake to the heart can kill you’ type of thing?” Dipper asked.

“What gave you the idea we were gonna tell ya how ta _kill_ ‘em? No, no, just stuff ta drive ‘em off or at least leave ya alone.”

“Oh. Well, that could still be helpful anyway. So, what can we do?”

“Make yourself stink,” Ford said flatly. When Wendy, Soos, Melody, and Pacifica stared at him, he looked back at them with a straight face. “I’m completely serious. The more terrible you smell to a _ghoul_ or a _vampire,_ the less likely it is that you’re going to be attacked.”

“Ghouls are supposed ta be scavengers that clean up after the vampires,” Fiddleford explained. “So _he_ could handle biting inta somebody who hasn’t had a bath for a week far better than me. But I can’t handle the smells of scented soaps too well – especially strong ones.”

Ford nodded. “We’ve asked Stan _not_ to use that kind of soap for that exact reason. That, and no garlic in the house -- there’s a reason that _garlic_ works so well in fiction.”

“That and even _my_ nose can’t handle it too well,” Stan muttered. “But it sounds like I’m gonna have ta deal with it too if I wanna throw them off.”

“Are there any specific smells you people hate?” Pacifica asked. “Because I can get my hands on a _lot_ of perfume.”

“Anything _strong,”_ Ford replied. “Doesn’t matter what the initial scent is, so long as you don’t smell like a rotting corpse by the end of it it’ll keep them off you.”

“Oh!” Mabel snapped her fingers. “The ghoul-nip! We could use that stuff too!”

“Ghoul nip?” Melody repeated.

“A flower we found up on the waterfall that smells like rotten meat,” Dipper explained. “It, uh…” He looked over at Ford. “Grunkle Ford kinda got high off it.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Ford grumbled.

“So we could use that to distract any ghouls that come after us,” Dipper added. “We’ll have to go up to the waterfall and get more of those if they’re still there.”

“Count me out of that,” Pacifica said with a disgusted expression. “Ugh.”

“We’ve got one flower here already,” Stan said. “I bet Fiddle’s figured out a few things from it already.”

“Indeed I have,” Fiddleford replied. “A single petal’s got more than enough smell to it to get a ghoul ta keel over for a few hours.”

Ford’s expression soured further as the others looked over at him.

Stan snickered. “Come on, Ford, he’s only doing it ta help you relax and you know it.”

“I don’t need _drugs_ to do that, Stanley,” Ford replied pointedly.

“Is there anything else that’ll stun them or keep them away?” Melody asked.

“Bright flashes of light usually worked when I had ta keep Ford in the basement those first couple of years,” Stan commented. “His eyes can’t handle that too well.”

“…Tambry’s working on something involving unicorn magic and flashlights,” Wendy commented. She grinned. “We already know that unicorn hair can create some pretty spectacular fireworks – I bet ghouls wouldn’t like _that_ very much.”

Ford winced at the mental image. “Certainly not, no. Just…be careful how you point it at them; unicorn _anything_ can be potentially deadly to _anyone_ if used a certain way.”

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t go too overboard with the whole Rainbow Brite thing, no worries.” Wendy looked over at Fiddleford. “What are you gonna do in the meantime while these guys are sticking around? Think they’d know you’re here or something?”

“It’s likely, but I doubt it. Ford and I don’ go out and have nights on the town, an’ I doubt they’re gonna be interested in anythin’ in the woods.”

“If they are, they might find some of my markers,” Ford said worriedly.

“Well, if push comes to shove, we can figure out what ta do about them, but in the meantime, I’m plannin’ on stayin’ out of it,” Fiddleford said determinedly. “If ya’ll find somethin’ on these fellows that ya’ll need my help with, I’ll help ya then but until then you’ll just have ta take our advice.”

Dipper nodded. “We’ll spread word around as best we can; hopefully people won’t end up disappearing because of these guys.”

“That’s the hope,” Stan muttered in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long! I hope to have a more set update schedule for this in the future -- thankfully I have a backlog of chapters waiting to be posted!


	11. Vampiric Carnival, part 2

There were circus posters all over town the next day. Overly colorful, with big letters and even higher promises detailing what the circus’ lineup was going to be.

Dipper and Mabel took one look at the poster that Susan was tearing off the side of her diner and exchanged looks.

“Susan, what do you think of these guys?” Dipper asked.

“All I know is Momma said never to trust a circus that promised things you know are impossible,” Susan replied matter-of-factly. “I’m not setting foot in that tent on the Northwest’s hill, no matter how much people say it’s okay.”

“At least you’re level-headed.”

“Honey-cheeks, _everyone_ in town is level-headed!” Susan replied brightly. “It’s just that sometimes they wish that maybe this one won’t be a trap this time!” Her bright smile turned into a serious expression. “But I know what happens in those tents. You won’t catch _me_ inside one, no-sir.”

“That makes two of us,” Stan said from behind the counter.

“Four of us,” Mabel corrected.

Susan nodded in approval. “Good. I don’t want to lose my cook to what lies in those things up there!” She shook her head and tutted. “You would think that the descendants of the town founders would be better than that. Or, the people who are supposed to be the town founders, anyway.”

“You know about that too?” Dipper stared at her with wide eyes.

“Blubbs and Durland may be wonderful police officers, but sometimes they can let things slip when they haven’t had their morning coffee yet. Wink!” Susan winked. “I know you kids already know because of Wendy, so it’s safe to tell you, but I don’t want news spreading around town, you know? We could have a mob on our hands!”

“You got it!” Mabel gave Susan a thumbs-up. “So, you said everyone in town is _hoping_ it isn’t a trap? Because I hope they’re going to make sure that they’re ready if it isn’t.”

“They can get ready all they like, but Momma said the last time these folks came through they made everyone put down their weapons somehow an’ forget there was a problem at all.” Susan frowned worriedly. “I’m gonna have to make sure that I just stay out of the way of this one. I don’t know what everyone else is planning on doing, though.”

“Sounds like some kind of hypnotism,” Stan volunteered. He frowned. “If they try anything, we’re going to have to find a way around that.”

“Stan, don’t you go planning on going after these fellows – I need you here as my cook to make sure nothing’s gone bad, not—“

There was a knock at the door of the diner, cutting Susan off. “E-excuse me? Can I come in?”

“Sure! Doors unlocked!” Susan replied cheerily as the twins exchanged looks.

The door opened slowly, creaking a little.

Dipper and Mabel caught sight of a clawed, green-tinged hand on the door handle, arm in the black sleeve of a robe, and the two of them instantly moved to the other side of the diner as Stan stiffened, gaze sharpening as his nostrils flared.

The ghoul – a skinny thing of average height – closed the door behind him quickly and pulled off his straw hat, revealing his ears and causing Susan to take a half-step back in surprise. He looked around nervously, swallowed, then asked, “Do you have any rotten meat behind the counter? O-or anything raw would be f-fine.”

The group looked him over for a moment.

“That all you’re looking for?” Stan asked finally.

The ghoul nodded quickly. “Y-yes. We…we haven’t had anything to eat and…and when the masters wake up tonight, they’re not going to let us. We need…we need something.”

“How many?”

Dipper and Mabel looked over at Stan with expressions of surprise; Susan looked nervous.

“Stan, are you thinking okay?” Susan asked.

“My head’s fine,” Stan replied evenly. “How many you got ta get food to, kid?”

The ghoul frowned. “Twenty of us haven’t eaten yet. I want to get this taken care of before sundown a-a-and I’m caught because I’m doing this without—“ He broke off and shuddered. “I-I can understand if you don’t want to help – s-some of us were thinking of going out into the woods to—“

“You don’t want to go out there.”

The ghoul looked up sharply as Stan shook his head.

“Sounds like you haven’t been in the area before, but we’ve got monsters out there that you don’t want to run into and aren’t gonna be very friendly when they see ya.” He jerked his head towards the kitchen behind him. “There’s a garbage dumpster behind the diner. Very big, lots of flies. There’s a couple things of rotting meat in there that I think should take care of what yer lookin’ for.”

The ghoul’s eyes widened sharply at that. “You—you mean it? Y-you’d let me take from there?”’

“Yeah. Humans can’t eat it anyway. An’ I can’t either.” Stan grinned, showing off his slightly sharpened teeth and causing the ghoul to freeze.

“I-is…is there a pack nearby? The masters won’t like that….”

“Nah; I’m a loner around here.” Stan eyed the ghoul critically as the ghoul relaxed. “Hey. What are you guys doing up here, anyway?”

The ghoul shrugged helplessly. “The masters tell us where to go and we go. I don’t – we don’t have any say otherwise. All I know is the masters made a contract with someone to come here and eat their fill and leave us to clean up the mess.”

Stan made a low growling sound. “There’s lots of creatures in the area that would be willing to do that to any one of us. They’re going to have a hard time doing that, when people already know the dangers.”

“Th-they are planning on doing something to bring in people,” the ghoul replied quickly.

“And do you agree with it?”

The ghoul shuffled his feet. “W-well…it gets us food. But I don’t…I don’t know if it’s right.” He looked at Stan. “But I’m not alive anymore, so do I really get a say?”

“I should think so,” Stan replied. His brow was furrowed in a dark frown. “Trust me, there’s more to you now than just the fact that your body’s dead.” He jerked his head back towards the back of the diner. “Go and get your roadkill and rotting stuff. And make sure your buddies get some, too.”

The ghoul bowed, then put the hat back on his head and rushed out of the diner.

“Stan, what is it you’re not telling me?” Susan looked over at him and put her hands on her hips.

“…that I can see when a guy’s in a bad situation and I’ve been there before?” Stan gave Susan a lopsided smile.

“Nu-uh. Don’t give me that. Nothing leaves this diner, remember?” Susan walked over and leaned over the counter, poking Stan in the chest. “Spill it.”

“Okay, okay. I’m a werewolf, I’ve got a twin brother who got turned into a ghoul, and he and his vampire are sharing the house with me and they actually _get along_ because they’re the ones who came up here to do science stuff forty-odd years ago. Happy?”

Susan stared at him. “You’re joking.”

“Where do you think I got these teeth from, then?”

“Not about that! I meant – the – the other thing.” Susan leaned forward. “Are those two scientists who disappeared thirty-odd years ago _still around?”_

“Yup. Have to deal with them making noise every night. You should hear the ruckus Ford makes when he’s on a breakthrough to something. Seriously.”

“Grunkle Stan, why are you telling her this?!” Dipper demanded.

“Like she said, nothing leaves the diner.” Stan shrugged, not taking his eyes off Susan. “Nothing by word of mouth, anyway. Do you really think that Wendy would trust this as a meeting place if stuff did?”

“Well, that explains where they went, anyway.” Susan frowned. “You said your brother is—“

“The six-fingered nerd,” Stan replied. “He’s the ghoul; the assistant’s the vampire. He spends most of his time making sure that my brother doesn’t get himself in trouble.”

“Well, no _wonder_ they get along still! That’s good!” Susan gained a thoughtful expression. “Hey – do you think they still remember my meat pies?”

“Uh…maybe?” Stan’s nose twitched.

“Good enough. Before we close tonight, make a couple of ‘em, but leave ‘em raw. Can’t let your brother go hungry!” Susan booped Stan’s nose and laughed before moving into the kitchen.

Stan blinked a couple of times, looking both surprised and cross-eyed.

“Grunkle Stan?” Dipper asked. “Uh…”

Stan blinked, then shook his head and focused on his nephew. “Don’t worry about Susan, Dipper. She’s not gonna tell a soul.” He grinned. “Besides, her meat pie recipe is extremely good. Ford’s gonna have the time of his life tonight, let me tell you.”

“Good!” Mabel said with a grin. “Do you think we can come over tonight or—“

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Stan’s grin dropped as he shook his head, causing Mabel’s to drop as well.

“Aw, why not?”

“Because I’m planning on dropping those pies off tonight, then turning around and coming right back here to make sure you kids stay safe from whatever it is that those blood-sucking morons uphill are going to try tonight.”

“B-but what about Grunkle Ford? And Fiddleford?” Dipper spoke up.

Stan waved off their concerned expressions. “They’ll be fine. They’re out in the middle of the woods with a bunch of gnomes and who knows _what_ else keeping an eye on the place. If a ghoul comes in, not only are the critters gonna know it’s not Ford but Fidds is gonna make sure that undead meathead regrets coming across our porch in the first place.” He grinned. “And that guy can be very dangerous when he wants to be, let me tell you.”

Dipper frowned as he considered that, then nodded. “Okay. If…if you think they’re gonna be okay, then they probably are going to be. Do, uh…do you mind if we just stay here the rest of the day? Just in case?”

“You’re eighteen, kid. Do you really think I can tell ya where you’re supposed to be or not?” Stan raised an eyebrow.

“You can stay as long as you need to!” Susan called from the kitchen.

“Thanks Susan!” Mabel called back. “Come on, Dipdop, let’s go over some _plans_ for just in case one of those not-friendly ghouls sneaks up on us.”

“Yeah, sure!”

**Time Break**

Fiddleford shook his head as Ford practically inhaled one of the meat pies in one gulp. “The one thing about you I cannot understand is your appetite and what yer still able to stomach.”

Ford licked the juices off his fingers. “Well, to me, this tastes like it _probably_ would have if it had been cooked. And I’m feeling a _lot_ more energetic now.”

“Good. That probably means we can ration off the amount of blood we have in the fridge a little bit more easily if Stan can get uncooked meat pies from Susan like this.” Fiddleford picked up the other one and sniffed it before a put-off expression crossed his face. “I certainly won’t be touching them.”

“Are you sure? They’re quite good.”

“I can’t physically stomach them, Stanferd, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Ford hummed. “Suit yourself; more for me.” He got up from the table and cracked his back. “Well, might as well see what else there is to do around the house; I have a good deal of energy to burn off and I’m going to need something to do. Being stuck in here is going to drive me up the wall otherwise.”

“It might drive us both up the wall, but I already know what I’m going to be doing.”

Ford looked over at Fiddleford. “Do you think I can help?”

“I dunno. Do _you_ have an unusually large well of magic runnin’ around in ya?”

Ford paused at the question, frowned, tried to put together an answer, then shook his head rather dejectedly, ears drooping.

“That’s what I thought. You go ahead an’ handle things up here for a bit; I’m headin’ downstairs ta look into a few things. Holler if ya need me fer anythin,’ ya hear?”

“Aye aye,” Ford muttered.

Fiddleford sighed. “Ford, I like this as much as you do. If I could, I would love to just let you go an’ not worry about some other blood-sucking thing make off wit’ ya. But you know the trouble with us. We’ll figure somethin’ out.”

Ford grumbled something under his breath.

Fiddleford sighed, then shook his head and slipped out of the kitchen and went over to the bookcase before disappearing into the hidden basement.

As soon as he was gone, Ford threw a punch into the nearest wall with a snarl, leaving a slight dent in the shape of a clenched fist.

“Why did I have to be such an _idiot?”_ Ford muttered under his breath. He sighed irritably and shook his head. “No use thinking about the past now. I have other things I can be doing.”

He wandered over to the bookshelf and took out one of the volumes that rested there – one of his journals. He opened it and started paging through, brow furrowed as he looked for something in his _own_ research that could either help Fiddleford or—

There came the sound of groaning wood from outside, causing Ford to look up sharply at the sound and look over at the door on the other side of the living room.

There was someone at the door.

Ford started to put his book back as the door started groaning, being pushed inwards under the weight of some outside force.

“Fiddleford!” Ford yelled. “There’s—“

The door exploded into splinters, covering Ford’s yell as someone _very_ large with green-tinted skin rushed into the room, eyes glowing green.

Ford yelped and scrambled to the side, barely avoiding getting grabbed as the figure slammed into the bookshelf and forced it to buckle in. Fiddleford was going to have a difficult time getting out of the basement.

Ford quickly settled into a boxer’s stance – familiar but at the same time rusty from some lack of use.

He started to move to punch the opponent ghoul in the face, but for all the extra energy he had from his meal mere moments ago, the other ghoul was faster and _clearly_ had carried over more muscle from when he had been alive.

Because the next thing Ford knew was that he was being punched in the face.

In that same moment, Ford’s vision went dark.


	12. Vampiric Carnival, part 3

“Grunkle Ford is missing?!”

The squeak of panic in Mabel’s voice made Stan wince.

“More like kidnapped, but yeah. Fiddleford wasn’t too happy to find that someone’d broken in and taken off with him and left a mess in the process.”

“We’ve got to get him back.” Dipper slammed a fist into an open palm. “Those vampires from that circus must’ve sent a ghoul out and nabbed him that way.”

“That’s what we think, too.” Stan nodded, grim-faced.

“But, then…does that mean he’s—“

“We don’t know.” Stan shook his head at Mabel’s question, which only made her become even more concerned. “The best we can do for now is wait until dark before we go after them.”

“Why wait?” Wendy frowned from where she stood behind the couch in Soos’ living room. “These bozos just took your _brother_ – why aren’t you going after them yet to tear their throats out?”

“Because Fiddleford has an idea an’ whatever we do he wants ta be a part of it.” Stan’s eyes narrowed. “’Specially considerin’ that Ford’s _technically_ his ghoul an’ is also his boss, so he wants ta’ make sure he’s okay just as much as we do.”

The gathered members of the Mystery Crew in Soos’ house exchanged looks at Stan’s statement.

“…didn’t you say that Fiddleford didn’t _normally_ get out and do stuff like that?” Robbie asked. “Why would he want to now – besides Ford getting kidnapped. I mean, wouldn’t he know that we could handle—“

“As far as I know, he’s got a plan an’ he ain’ tellin’ me anythin’ about it,” Stan replied flatly. “He’ll probably fill us in tonight when we head in an’ do something about that damn circus.”

“I dunno about you doods, but I don’t think I wanna get bit again,” Soos spoke up. “Getting turned into a zombie was cool an’ all, but at least you guys were able to turn me _back_. If any of us get bit, who’s ta say one of us won’t…y’know.”

“You two can stay out of this if you want.” Stan waved off Soos’ concerned expression as he looked at him and Melody. “And that goes for the rest a’ ya, too. I don’t want yer families gettin’ freaked out if ya turn inta a ghoul or a vampire tonight while we’re takin’ care of these guys.”

“Hey, we’ve been taking precautions,” Wendy replied with a grin. She leaned over the couch, between Dipper and Mabel. “I’ve been using the stinkiest soap my dad’s got in the cabin; there’s no way that any one of those things would want to come near me.”

“I’ve been fruit-flavored for the last couple days!” Mabel added cheerily. “I’ll make sure my perfume’s a big cloud of miasma tonight!”

“I don’t know how you know that word and I don’t think I want to know,” Dipper said flatly.

“What, ‘miasma’? I like reading stuff, Dipdop; don’t make it look like you’re the only nerd here!” Mabel playfully punched her brother in the arm, laughing when he rubbed the spot and muttered about bruising later.

Stan nodded, grinning. “Yeah, I can smell it from here; good work, Mabel. And I know the rest of you have been doing the same thing…with varying results.” His nose wrinkled. “When all this is done, though, I hope you’ll go back to _not_ smelling like this. I don’t know how well I’d be able to handle it.”

“No problem, Stan,” Wendy replied with a laugh. “Just so long as those vamps don’t stick around, I think this is a one-time thing.”

“Good. Because otherwise I don’t think that Fidds is gonna want ya ever near the house ever again if ya stink of this stuff.”

Some of the group chuckled.

“So, what?” Dipper frowned. “Are we just going to _wait_ all day?”

“Nah. I bet there’s some things we can do in the meantime.” Stan grinned. “Hey, Tambry, Candy – got what ya need for those little projects of yours yet?”

“Most of it.” Candy adjusted her glasses. “But we are still in need of a few parts.”

“I’d say that calls for a field trip, then,” Stan said casually. “Come on; let’s head out to the lake and get a few things – and maybe check out the top of the waterfall while we’re at it.” He gave Dipper and Mabel a wide grin.

The twins grinned back, instantly knowing where Stan was going.

“I’m sure Fidds won’t mind if he comes up tonight and finds that we’ve got more of those stinky things for the ghouls,” Stan commented slyly.

“But what about the floating island head?” Thompson spoke up worriedly.

Stan waved off his concerned gaze. “Don’t worry about it; we took care of that already. Now, come on – daylight’s a-wastin’, and we’ve got my brother to get back from those goons!”

The unanimous cry that followed caused Stan to wince from the volume; the neighbors could probably hear it as well, but at this point they were so used to the Mystery Crew’s activities that they hardly batted an eye.

When they rushed out of the house and into Thompson’s van and Stan’s Diablo, however, the Mystery Crew was so focused on their mission that they didn’t notice the figure in the shadows near the house, standing just barely upwind.

“Well, this is workin’ better than we’d hoped,” Gideon commented cheerily.

**Time Break**

To say that Ford was not happy was the understatement of the decade. Not only had he been dragged out of the house, but he was now trapped in a cage that smelled like it used to have lions prowling around in it and his nose was already growing numb as a result of the strong smell.

Not to mention the ghoul that had bopped him over the head the other night was now standing guard outside his improvised cell. And seemed to think that Ford was going to be joining up with the rest of the ghouls that were already here soon.

“Ya don’t need to be such a grump,” the ghoul commented. The accent was a familiar one. “I mean, you’re already a ghoul. And it really isn’t all that bad working in this thing. I mean, sure you lose control of yourself sometimes, but at least they leave us alone to do whatever we want during the day.”

“Debatable,” Ford muttered. “We can’t exactly _go_ anywhere out in the sunlight, in case you haven’t noticed. Not as freely as those who still _live.”_

He was jealous of Stanley for that, being able to go back and forth between night and day without any physical problems. Sure, he had to shift every once in a while because of the phases of the moon, but he could still feel the _sun_ on his face and not worry about decaying in seconds.

“…well, yeah, I _guess_ that could be a problem, but hey – we can live forever like this!”

“What about your family?”

“Family?” The ghoul snorted. _“What_ family? ‘Ts not like there was much left of ‘em by the time they got ta me anyway. They never cared much fer me anyway.”

That cadence in the ghoul’s voice sounded like Stan’s. There was something about it that sounded familiar, too.

Ford had to keep him talking. He got the feeling that he knew this ghoul from somewhere.

“What, do you have family that’d dead by now?”

“No.” Ford’s tone was flat. “I still have family who are alive and well.” _Well, as well as one can be, considering Stanley’s a werewolf._ “And they know where I am and I don’t intend to leave them.”

“Tough luck there, nerd.”

 _There._ Ford recognized how _that_ came out of the ghoul’s mouth. His eyes narrowed, mentally grabbing onto that as he spat out his response. “I don’t think you know what kind of a nerd you’re talking to, _Crampelter.”_

The ghoul stiffened instantly. _Bingo._ “Hey! How’d you –“

Ford held up a hand and wiggled his six fingers as the ghoul looked at him. “How do you _think?”_

Crampelter stared with wide, almost glowing eyes – an after-effect of being told to stay and guard Ford, no doubt. Because of how dark the tents were on the inside, it was easier to see than in the well-lit interior of Ford’s house. “No way. Pines? What are you doing up here?”

Ford pulled his hand back and hid his hands under his armpits, scowling. “Like you’d be interested in my studies, ya meat head.”

And there was his own accent slipping through. Ford’s scowl deepened.

Crampelter blinked, ears flicking. He frowned. “Ah, c’mon. Word’s gonna get out anyway when one of them wakes up and decides ta bite ya.”

“Maybe.” Ford paused. He didn’t want to think about being bitten by a vampire that _wasn’t_ Fiddleford. It had implications to it that he didn’t like to consider. “But you won’t be getting it out of me unless I decide to on _my_ terms, not before.”

An ear flicked. He heard the sound of a part of the tent shifting somewhere nearby, just slightly enough that most wouldn’t have noticed. A thrum of something settled in the back of his mind, and he knew what that meant.

Having spent as much time as he had as a ghoul it was hard _not_ to.

“Besides, he’s coming anyway, and I doubt that what you say is going to be happening.” Ford gave Crampelter a sneering, “I know something that you don’t” sort of look.

“Who?” Crampelter frowned. “Who’s coming?”

“You’ll find out. Pretty soon too, I should think.”

Crampelter growled. “Pines, you’d better tell me who’s coming or else I’m gonna—“

“You’re going to what, bite _me?_ Like that’s going to do anything to either one of us now.” Ford adjusted his arms so that he had them folded across his chest, but still kept his hands hidden as he glared at his childhood bully. “Fact facts, Crampelter – everything that makes you dangerous as a ghoul also makes _me_ dangerous. We’re standing on the same level in that regard; don’t make it seem like you’re any better than me just because you’re part of a traveling circus that gets free meals from its audience. How good was attendance last night? Not as good as they hoped?”

Ford’s sly, knowing grin caused Crampelter’s complexion to turn a different shade of green.

“How did you know about that?!” Crampelter hissed. He sounded like he _wanted_ to be angry, but there was something else in his voice as well. Ford decided to put that thought into the back of his mind for consideration later.

“One hears things,” Ford replied casually.

“Despite the fact that you’re a recluse?” Crampelter eyed Ford suspiciously.

Ford shrugged. “One doesn’t have to be a social butterfly to hear things.”

Crampelter gritted his fangs and looked like he wanted to throttle Ford, but then there came the sound of something in the tent rustling, loud enough that _both_ Ford and Crampelter could hear it.

Crampelter turned sharply. “What’s—“

A large furry monster with large claws came bursting out of the darkness and collided with Crampelter, sending him flying back a short distance away from Ford’s cage. The snarl the creature let out was one familiar to Ford, and it brought a wave of relief along with it.

“Stanley!” Ford exclaimed. “Is it the full moon already? I haven’t been keeping up with the lunar phases; I thought—“

Stan growled something as Crampelter started to get to his feet from where he’d been thrown into one of the columns that was holding the tent canopy up.

“Ford!”

And then there was Fiddleford, followed by Mabel and Candy, both of them armed with flashlights that…was that unicorn hair covering the lenses?

“Ford, I thought I told ya ta stay in the house,” Fiddleford said disapprovingly. “I should have _thought_ that meant fightin’ back if ya ever got _kidnapped.”_

“I did!” Ford protested, wincing at Fiddleford’s stare. “Do you _see_ the muscles on Crampelter?! How do you _think_ I fared against him?!” He motioned to the other ghoul as the New Jersey bully ran forward to try and take Stan down, only for the werewolf to end up on top of him seconds later, pushing down on Crampelter’s shoulders to keep him pinned to the ground. “I’m not _built_ like Stanley is, you know that.”

“ _That’s_ the vampire that got you?” Crampelter let out a strained laugh as he tried to push Stan off him. “Figures you’d be gotten by some weak, reedy little—“

Fiddleford _snarled_. “You watch yer tongue!”

Crampelter laughed. “Like you can do anything to me, you—“

Fiddleford was next to Stan in seconds, pushing the werewolf off Crampelter as he bit down on the ghoul’s neck, eyes flashing with the same magic that Ford was already more than familiar with. The action cut the ghoul’s voice off with a gasp, and he stiffened before falling limp.

“Grunkle Ford, are you okay?!” Mabel ran over to the cage, followed shortly by Candy.

“I-I’m fine,” Ford replied. He took his eyes off what was happening with Crampelter and focused on the two girls.

“You have not been bitten again?” Candy spoke up.

Ford shook his head. “I haven’t _seen_ any of the vampires here yet, and I’m not sure why. Crampelter said there was going to be one coming tonight, but I would have thought they would have come at sundown, not waited long enough for the moon to rise.”

Stan gave a throaty noise that sounded vaguely like a chuckle. He got up on his rear legs and grabbed the bars keeping Ford in before pulling them apart. The bars resisted momentarily, but eventually bent wide enough for Ford to step through without any issues.

Fiddleford came up from biting Crampelter’s neck with a gasp as Ford stepped out of the cage. He moved back off the ghoul and looked over at Ford for a moment. “Yeah, I’d rather make sure a’ that. I’m gonna be doin’ this all night anyway.”

Ford blinked in confusion. “Wait, what?”

Fiddleford walked over. “Come on. It’s either I bite ya or I do the other thing. And I’d rather have some a’ that energy a’ yours instead a’ drainin’ myself. I’m gonna need all the energy I can get for what I’ve got planned.”

Stan growled at Mabel and Candy, then motioned with his head towards the rest of the tent.

Mabel nodded. “Y-yeah; we definitely should check on the rest of the tent – maybe there’s more ghouls in here!”

“What should we do about him?” Candy pointed with her flashlight at Crampelter.

“I’ll take care a’ him in a minute,” Fiddleford replied lightly. He looked at Ford pointedly. “Now, hold still. I don’t want this ta be as messy as last time.”

Ford sighed irritably and nodded. “If you must.”

“Oh, I most certainly do.”

And with that, Fiddleford plunged his fangs into Ford’s neck.

The feeling of having not blood but _energy_ drained from him was a familiar experience, but it was something that Fiddleford had rarely ever needed to do. The vampire’s venom made it a somewhat…strange experience – especially when Ford’s ghoulish instincts rose up immediately afterwards.

Those instincts were the main reason that he really hated when Fiddleford did this, if Ford was completely honest.

Fiddleford pulled back before Ford’s knees started to feel weak from the drain; the vampire licked his lips over his fangs as Ford leaned against Stan and attempted to collect his wits.

He saw rainbow flashes of light go off throughout the tent, followed by a yelp and a thud.

“Found one!” Mabel called. “Candy, these stunners work really well!”

Candy’s giggle could be heard throughout the tent in response.

“Comin’!” Fiddleford grinned, then took off towards the other side of the tent where Mabel and Candy were standing.

Stan growled.

“I…I’m fine,” Ford murmured in reply. “I just…I need a moment to get my bearings.”

Crampelter groaned and started to push himself up into a sitting position. “What just happened?”

Stan gave a growling laugh that caused Crampelter to stiffen at the sound. Ford gave a smile as well, but it was a little crooked, a little weak. The connection at the back of his mind to Fiddleford’s thrummed with more energy than it did under normal circumstances, and he could tell that it was affecting him more than just a little.

If Fiddleford didn’t do something with all that energy soon, Ford suspected that he’d follow even a suggestion from his assistant without him needing to add that extra layer of power to his voice.

Crampelter stared at the werewolf. “Wha – Stan?”

Stan gave that throaty chuckle again and grinned, baring all his fangs at Crampelter. Whether the smile was friendly or not was something up to debate.

“Do you have any idea what Fiddleford’s planning?” Ford asked quietly. If Fiddleford had needed the extra energy for a reason, there had to be something else that he could do.

That was either Ford’s intellect or his instincts talking, and at this point, he couldn’t really tell the difference between the two.

Stan growled and shook his head.

Crampelter snorted. “Fiddleford? What kind of a name for a vampire is that?”

“Excuse you.” Fiddleford was suddenly standing in the midst of them again, causing Ford and Crampelter to stiffen. “At ease, Ford; I don’ need ya fer much else tonight.”

Ford relaxed instantly. “But…what are you up to?”

“You’ll fin’ out. I jus’ need ta hit one more tent, an’ then the fireworks’ll start.” Fiddleford looked Crampelter over with a cold gaze. “Get up.”

Crampelter stiffened, and his eyes glowed green – but Ford frowned. He hadn’t heard Fiddleford use any sort of aura of power in his voice, but Crampelter clearly _had._

Did that mean….?

Crampelter finished getting to his feet; he blinked rapidly. “What the—“

“Ah ah.” Fiddleford held up a finger; Crampelter shut up. “I’ve got more’n enough a’ ya ta deal with righ’ now. I’ll answer yer questions _after_ I take care a’ my business.” Fiddleford’s expression darkened as Mabel and Candy came back over. “Where do them vampires spend time when they’re not tryin’ ta run whatever acts they’ve got ya’ll doin?”

Crampelter blinked at the question. “There’s – there’s a circle of wagons – dressin’ rooms or somethin’.” He looked confused and dazed – likely an after-effect of having been put under Fiddleford’s control so abruptly. “They’re probably waitin’ for us to go out and drag people up here.”

“Which ain’t gonna happen tonight, and not ever,” Fiddleford replied flatly. “Get out ‘a the tents an’ wait with the others over by the Northwest Mansion’s gates. I’ll be there when I’m done with this.”

Crampelter’s eyes glowed green again, and he marched himself out of the tent without another word.

Fiddleford looked over at the others, then motioned with his head for them to follow him. Ford, slightly confused as to why Fiddleford hadn’t told _him_ to go wait with the others, leaned against Stan as the werewolf trotted out of the tent, Mabel and Candy on either side of the elder Pines twins.

“Where’s Dipper?” Ford asked, suddenly remembering that he hadn’t seen the boy with his sister yet that night.

“He’s with Tambry, setting things up.” Mabel shrugged. “Dunno what Grunkle Fidds wants all that stuff for, though.”

“You’ll fin’ out,” Fiddleford called back. “Jus’ stay outta my way while I’m workin,’ all righ’?”

Ford nodded. Mabel looked up at him with a concerned expression, but he didn’t quite feel enough of himself to reassure her that he was all right in at least some sense of the word. He was sure that he would feel better in a few hours, after they were back in the house and he was able to actually sit down on a proper couch instead of the hay that had been in the back of the cage.

But Fiddleford hadn’t said that he could go back yet, so he stayed with them as they exited the dark tent and out into the cool night air. The full moon was clearly prominent in the sky – it really _had_ been about a month since the kids had arrived; Ford hadn’t thought that much time had passed – and it provided enough light for Ford to see the vampire carnival.

There was a circle of five tents – each one colored slightly differently, but it was dark enough that the colors weren’t completely distinguishable. Ford caught sight of some figures slipping out of the tents – their shapes were familiar enough that he could recognize the members of Wendy’s “mystery crew,” each one waving around a flashlight with rainbow-colored light emitting from the lens instead of a bright white or off-yellow.

And in the center of the circle were seven wagons. There weren’t any lights emitting from within them, but Ford got the vaguest sense that there was something moving around inside them – that the wagons were, in fact, presently occupied.

He shivered and clenched at Stan’s fur tightly, causing the werewolf to growl a soft warning at his brother. He relaxed his grip slightly.

Dipper and Tambry looked up from something as Fiddleford and the rest of the group approached the circle of wagons.

“All set?” Fiddleford asked lightly. His red eyes were glinted with _something_ tonight – and it sent chills down Ford’s spine.

Dipper nodded. “Yeah – we got the moonstone and those protective runes you wanted set around the town.” He frowned. “But…you haven’t told us why yet.”

“Or why you wanted all of us to get the ghouls in this place out in the open,” Tambry added. She waved the flashlight in her hand around. “I mean, I’m glad that these stun lights work on them enough to only stun and not burn their faces off, but you still haven’t told us why you wanted to bite those guys.”

“All in good time,” Fiddleford hummed. “We can’t have listening ears knowing what I’m doing yet.”

As if on cue, all seven of the wagon doors burst open, and seven vampires stepped out of the wagons, looking quite annoyed.

“What is this racket?!” one of them demanded. “I thought we told the ghouls—“

“Humans!” exclaimed a second one. She licked her lips. “And I am quite famished, too~”

Fiddleford said something in a tongue that did not sound human.

The vampires’ reaction wasn’t one that Ford had been expecting, but then again, he hadn’t been expecting the literal _wave_ of power that lashed out from Fiddleford. He raised an arm defensively over his face in order to defend himself from it, only to blink in surprise when the magic went through him harmlessly.

If anything, in fact, it felt almost protective.

The vampires, on the other hand, all _shrieked_ at once with ungodly sounds that scraped against Ford’s ears and left him flinching away from the sound.

“Yer not welcome here,” Fiddleford said coldly. “Get outta town before I do somethin’ _more_ than that.”

The vampires didn’t look all that pleased at Fiddleford’s threat.

“Do you really think that you can hold us back?” one of them demanded coldly. “There’s more of us than you, if I’m not being deceived – you’re the only vampire in this area! What makes you think you can keep us from—“

Fiddleford barked another word, and Ford actually recognized this one.

He’d used this one on one of the Lepricorns that used to wander around the house.

The vampire’s mouth kept moving, but no sound came out. He gripped his throat, bug-eyed with surprise.

“The spellbooks from the library,” Ford muttered, causing one of the vampires to look over in his direction with surprise.

“Eyup. Since you never returned ‘em, I’ve taken to a little bit of light readin’ while you’ve been out investigatin’.” Fiddleford’s tone was light and friendly, but only because he was talking to Ford. A moment later, his voice became cold again. “Which means I have a few things that I can do to make sure ya’ll _never hurt anyone in Gravity Falls.”_

Fiddleford started chanting, and something at his feet began to glow a purple-white in response to his words – stones, arranged in a circle around the wagons the vampires were standing near. They looked down at the circle of stones, then back at Fiddleford.

One of them started to move towards Fiddleford.

For Ford, time slowed.

He saw the assailant, saw him coming towards Fiddleford, and reacted accordingly. Moving forward faster than he did normally, he zipped around in front of Fiddleford before the vampire could break through the circle and shouted a word of his own.

The growling bark sent the vampire flying back into one of the wagons, denting the side of the wooden structure.

Using that magic left Ford feeling slightly more drained than he had when Fiddleford and drained him of a good deal of energy; he dropped into a crouch, leaning on one hand and glaring at the vampires as Fiddleford finished his chanting.

The stones flashed brightly, and the light faded.

“What did you do?!” snarled one of the vampires who hadn’t had his voice taken. “I feel—“

“Weaker?” Fiddleford finished casually. “That would be my doin.’ So long as you’re in Gravity Falls and so long as you’re plannin’ on doin’ any harm to the people in Gravity Falls – an’ I’m includin’ the creatures out in the woods – then you’re not gonna have the power ta do _anythin’.”_ He pointed at the vampires. “So get outta town.”

“What about our—“

“Your ghouls are mine.” Fiddleford grinned, teeth glinting in the starlight. “ _All_ of them.” The grin dropped. “Now get out a’ my sight before the werewolf behind me gets too hungry.”

Stan growled loudly, hackles rising.

The vampires, realizing they had been beaten and were at a disadvantage, winced as one, then scurried off into the darkness. Wherever they were able to hide, Ford doubted they were going to be able to find a place to properly hide before sunrise.

Or before they got out of Gravity Falls’ borders, whichever came first.

“You…you added something to the weirdness barrier?” Ford looked up at Fiddleford in confusion.

“Eh. More like I added on a lil’ thing a’ my own ta make sure that nobody got hurt by anythin’ aroun’ here.” Fiddleford looked apologetic. “I’m afraid that I don’ have much energy ta do more than that. If I could, I’d have ta’ use the energy of the _whole town_ ta take care of keeping nasty things out.”

Ford knew what Fiddleford was referring to; he nodded glumly.

“So, what now?” Mabel came up behind the two of them.

“Now, we get all the fellers sittin’ on the Northwests’ doorstep an’ get ‘em back ta the shack,” Fiddleford replied. “Or, Ford an’ I will. The rest a’ ya can head back an’ get some sleep.”

Stan huffed something.

“Go ahead, Stan. Remember what Pacifica said.”

The werewolf grunted and nodded, then turned and loped off in the direction of what was probably the mansion. His tail was wagging.

Ford snorted at his brother as he left.

“What are you going to do with all of them, though?” Dipper spoke up. “I mean, do you have enough room in your basement for all of them or—“

“We’ve got a few hidey-holes aroun’ here we can hide ‘em in,” Fiddleford replied casually. Ford nodded. “Don’ worry; go on an’ head back.”

Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks, as did the other members of the Mystery Crew.

“Well, if you’re so insistent on it.” Wendy grinned. “You might have a bit of a hard time moving them though, what with all the ghoul-nip we scattered around that area.”

“I’ll take care a’ that,” Fiddleford replied. There was a glint in his eye that didn’t seem quite friendly.

Wendy eyed him for a moment, then nodded, a slow smirk crossing her face. “All right. You do you, McGucket. Don’t stay out too late.” She gave him a lazy salute with the flashlight in her hand. “Come on, guys; meet back at the diner in the morning so we can tell Susan we took care of the problem!”

There came a round of tired cheers from the others, and they stared to make their way down the hill and back towards the town.

Fiddleford helped Ford up to his feet. “Come on, then. Let’s get things settled.”

Ford nodded in agreement.

**Space Rip**

“Why in the name of Betty Crocker did these stupid parts have ta be so dang heavy?!” The figure standing on the porch of Ford’s home adjusted the bundle on his back and muttered a number of curses that didn’t sound the least bit kind. “Of all the things that I’ve been asked to do, this has to be the _worst._ When I get this dropped off, I’m gonna ask fer a pay raise!”

He stumbled off the porch and started back into the woods, carrying the bundle on his back as he started up towards the mansion in the distance. If he had stayed there for a few seconds more, he would have been caught red-handed by a group of ghouls and with a vampire in the lead.

Elsewhere, a demon cackled and rubbed his hands together.


	13. Broken Seals

Ford was pacing, slightly-clawed toes clicking against the stone floor of the basement. “Fiddleford, what are we going to do? Someone took off with the one part we didn’t want to destroy from—“

“I know,” Fiddleford replied. He looked over at the pile of destroyed metal that was in one corner of the large, spacious cavern. “I’ve got eyes the same as you, Ford.”

“B-but that means that the carnival was a distraction of some kind – it had to have been, in order to get us _both_ away from the house so that someone could get the part from down here. But…who? The Northwests may have a large amount of memorabilia in their home that hints at them kn-knowing _him,_ but they’ve never expressed _interest_ in—“

“Do you know that fer certain?”

Ford trailed off and turned a sickly green. “You can’t be serious.”

“If they’ve got memorabilia fer that monster, I would _not_ be surprised if they’re tryin’ ta do the same thin’ that he nearly got you ta do.”

Ford looked like he wanted to start pulling his hair out. “Wh-what do we do?! We need to get that part back, but – _you_ can’t enter their mansion without permission and to that extent – because of the magic that surrounds that place – neither can I!”

“But we know people who can,” Fiddleford pointed out.

Ford turned sharply to look at the vampire. “Fiddleford—“

“I know, you said you didn’ want them ta know ‘bout this because of everythin’ that comes along with it, but they’re gonna have ta know _enough_ in order ta help.” Fiddleford crossed the basement floor and put a hand on Ford’s shoulder. “Come on; panickin’ won’t help an’ you know it. Deep breaths, Ford; c’mon.”

Ford nodded shakily and did as he was asked, trying to calm his trembling limbs.

“Now, do we wanna call ‘em tonight or—“

Ford shook his head. “They’re still exhausted from what happened earlier, probably. Let them rest, then call them together tomorrow night. And we’re going to have to tell Stanley about this, if we’re telling them too.”

“Considerin’ that he knows about what happened already, it’ll be easier tellin’ him, I’ll bet.”

Ford nodded.

“All right. Now that that’s settled, let’s focus on somethin’ else tonight. I’m sure that you don’ want ta be thinkin’ ‘bout that monster all night.”

Ford shook his head in agreement. “No, I’d rather not—“

Ford’s left hand started glowing suddenly, causing him to look down at it with an expression of surprise. Then a flash of pain went up his arm, and he gripped his wrist, gritting his fangs together in an attempt to keep the pained yowl from forcing its way up his throat.

“Ford!” Fiddleford rushed over, concerned. “What’s happenin?”

“The seal – over _his_ cave.” Ford gritted his teeth as he looked down at his left hand with an expression of fear. “It’s been broken!”

**Space Break**

Gideon wasn’t exactly sure why the Northwests wanted him to find this cave and bring back pictures of whatever was inside, but at least they were paying him good money to help him take the Tent of Telepathy worldwide in a couple years (and let him get more of his profits from his father’s grubby fingers), so he decided to play along with their game and actually do what they needed his help for.

Whatever that was.

“What is up with that old man anyway?” Gideon muttered as he waved his flashlight around at the walls of the cave. “Ever since that haunted mansion thing he’s been getting weirder and weirder. Talking to thin air, grinnin’ a lot – didn’t even plan a party in his mansion this year, which is downrigh’ _weird.”_

His brow furrowed. The Northwests had always been weird, by the town’s standards. Not wanting to interact with folks, seeing themselves as above folks – the second one was understandable because of all the money they had, but he was pretty sure that the old man who worked in Susan’s diner had a comparable amount hidden away somewhere that nobody knew about. It seemed to be the type of thing that a man like Andrew would do, anyway.

And the people of Gravity Falls were ditzy, sure, but they did mean well – that was how Gideon got most of them to come to his Tent of Telepathy; they liked his shows and thought that he meant well with what they saw as parlor tricks.

They knew it was fake. They liked that because it didn’t mean there was any danger in it, and they could suspend their disbelief for a while.

“Remember, if ya do this one last job for ‘em, you’ll have enough to take what ya need an’ go travelin’,” Gideon muttered to himself. “Don’ matter that I’m still a minor yet; I can get a car an’ just _go._ Go on a tour, get away from this stupid town, an’ find a life that Dad won’ try and steal money from. I can be my _own_ cash cow, thank ya very much.”

His flashlight beam came across something yellow so suddenly that he nearly dropped it out of surprise.

“What in the name of…?”

Gideon’s beam went over the cave paintings: some kind of triangle-shaped thing with a weird-looking eye getting pushed up into the sky; a giant circle carved into the cave with symbols that looked strange in an ancient cave painting.

A part of him questioned if this was some kind of sick joke the Northwests were playing on him; an _ice bag?_ _Glasses?_ That shooting star shape that he caught sight of once on one of Mabel’s sweaters?

Wait, _what?_

“There’s no way that the Northwests saw that,” Gideon muttered, frowning. “Not unless Pacifica – no, they haven’ been on good speakin’ terms since she started hangin’ out with that Corduroy girl so much last couple’a years. An’ I’m really the only one they let inta the mansion ta talk to ‘em on a regular basis, since they don’ like Mayor Tyler so much….”

Honestly, that entire election campaign had been a _strange_ few days. If Gideon ever saw an eagle kiss a man again, it would be far too soon.

“Well, might as well get those pictures they were askin’ for,” Gideon muttered. “Dunno why they’d want pictures of this stuff instead’a just comin’ here and tearin’ ‘em outta the walls themselves.”

He pulled out his smartphone and activated the camera while adjusting where the light beam was hitting the walls and quickly snapped a few pictures of the murals and the weird circle on the wall – which, now that he noticed, had his Tent of Telepathy sign on it as well.

“Okay, is someone tryin’ ta play a prank here or somethin’?” Gideon frowned at the symbol on the circle with a suspicious expression. “Cuz them leavin’ my symbol here with a bunch a’ other weird ones is not funny. Not one bit.”

He pocketed his phone and moved back towards the cave’s exit. He stopped at the entrance when he noticed the bright green glow from something stuck to the cave walls.

“What the…?”

There was that six-fingered handprint that he saw around town so much – and, now that he thought about it, it matched the six-fingered hand that was on the circle in the cave, too.

The fact that it was glowing so brightly now was probably a bad sign.

Gideon looked around to see if there was something he could use other than his flashlight to bash this symbol in and make it stop glowing so much. He spotted a rock that he could still lift despite its large size and went over to grab it before slamming it into the symbol on the wall a couple of times.

It took a few hits before he was able to scrape the symbol apart, and with that done he dropped the rock and started moving through the woods quickly to get back to the mansion.

He didn’t like how it suddenly felt like there were eyes everywhere in the trees.

**Space Break**

The Multibear woke up.

Something uneasy had settled into his sleep, and he could still feel it even now. He pushed himself up from worn hollow in the cave floor as his head looked this way and that, trying to find the source.

“Multibear!”

The heads turned sharply and looked at the cave entrance.

“Pituitaur.” The Multibear prepared for a possible attack, but kept himself wary. The Manotaurs were a group that had never been a group that he got along well with, but the Corduroy girl had done a few things over the last few years that had allowed them to have an uneasy truce – for now.

“Something’s happened to The Cave.” Pituitaur sounded grim.

The Multibear’s hackles rose instantly. “What?”

“I went there myself – a human boy who smells of deceit and puberty and human money destroyed the mark the Undead Man left behind.”

One of the heads growled. His snout was smacked.

“If that is the case, then something is happening in the human realm,” Multibear said grimly.

“Think he’s going back to his old ways?” Pituitaur asked.

“No.”

Pituitaur frowned. “You know his history as well as we do. He—“

“He was mistaken and did not know what it was he was doing,” Multibear replied pointedly. “He knows the dangers now; he would not go anywhere near that cave. He has someone to help to keep him check as well, if he ever did decide to change his mind – something that I highly doubt.”

“Yeah, but who—“

A loud sneeze came from behind Pituitaur, causing the manotaur to turn sharply. The bellow and leap back that followed – as well as the scent of undead flesh wafting into the cave – were enough to tell Multibear who it was that had just shown up.

Ford rubbed at his nose, a terrified light in his glowing eyes.

“What are you doing here?!” Pituitaur tried to sound brave, but the growl came out with a yelp.

“It wasn’t me that broke the seal.” He held up his left hand; there was a scar across his palm that looked like it had been scraped. “Someone stole a part from our basement last night when the vampire carnival was in town.”

Multibear’s lips curled back.

“Fiddleford took care of them,” Ford added quickly, “but someone took the chance and broke into our home in the meantime. I wasn’t able to get a fix on the scent then, but I was tonight when we went to investigate who broke the seal.”

The ghoul sneezed again, then sniffed.

“Who?!” Pituitaur bellowed.

Ford rubbed at his nose. “Gideon Gleeful.”

“The white-haired human child?” Pituitaur blinked, frowning.

Ford nodded. “He has been causing trouble over the course of the last few years. I should have seen it sooner – he’s been causing minor trouble all over town. It was only a matter of time before someone – or some _thing_ – reached out to him.” He furrowed his brow, grim and worried. “I’ve been keeping him secret for some time now, in an attempt to not cause anyone to search for him, but it seems that wasn’t enough.”

“What do you intend to do?” Multibear asked.

Ford closed his eyes and sighed. “In order to make sure that the townsfolk aren’t going to be in danger, I’m going to have to tell the humans who have been helping me in my research.”

“The Lumber Goddess?”

Ford raised an eyebrow at the manotaur’s question, but decided against commenting on it and the hopeful tone that accompanied it. “Yes; Wendy knows her way around these woods like the back of her hand. She knows what danger looks like and when to avoid it – she wouldn’t call on _him_.”

Pituitaur looked like he wanted to say something else, but then he looked like he remembered something and kept his mouth shut.

“And the other children with her?” Multibear pointed out. “The two that have joined them recently?”

“They are my niece and nephew; I trust them,” Ford responded instantly. “I…I would rather not have to tell any of them about what happened, but if Gideon is moving to do what I did _not,_ they will have to know what is going to happen before it’s too late.”

Pituitaur and Multibear exchanged looks at Ford’s words, then looked back at the ghoul.

“Considering that you were the one who caused all this initially by not knowing what you were stumbling into and managed to stop events before they progressed too far, warning others of the danger would be far wiser than simply letting thing progress as they are now,” Multibear said grimly.

Ford nodded quickly in agreement.

“I’ll warn the rest of the forest about this ‘Gideon,’” Pituitaur spoke up. “If he thinks he can just get away with this and cause us MORE trouble, he’s going to be really in for it from us!”

“Let us see about stopping him first,” Ford responded quickly. “If things go too far, we will need the help.”

“That’s practically a guarantee that it will!” Pituitar replied.

“In that case, I don’t know what the unicorns think of me now—“ Ford made an annoyed face. “—but we might need more of their hair to create more safe havens from _him._ I know my house is one, but not everyone in Gravity Falls will be able to fit inside.”

“I will see what I can do,” Multibear spoke up. “They will, at least, listen to me more willingly than they will listen to him.” He sent a pointed look at Pituitaur, who huffed and shrugged.

“Fine by me. Like I’m going to be the one to talk to those pansies.” The manotaur waved, then leapt out of the mountain cave with a loud cry that caused Ford to wince at the sound.

“Go back to your home,” Multibear said to Ford. “Wait for tomorrow – we will do what we can for now to prevent more harm.”

Ford looked hesitant, but nodded. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to keep this from happening.”

“You did what you could. It is just that we did not forsee other humans deciding to pick up where you left off.” Multibear nudged Ford towards the cave entrance. “Go. Rest. You will need all the strength you can muster.”

Ford made a nervous noise in agreement, then slipped out of the cave and into the night.

**Space Rip**

Out in the reaches of space-that-wasn’t-space, a little yellow triangle rubbed his hands together out of eager delight.

“I KNEW THEY COULD COME THROUGH FOR ME!” His singular eye went from delighted to darkly eager. “NOW TO GET THAT PORTAL OPEN SO I CAN FINALLY GET THIS PARTY STARTED!”


	14. The Truth Comes Out

“Grunkle Ford, what’s going on?” Dipper looked at his ghoulish Grunkle worriedly as the man paced in the living room. Stan, Fiddleford, and the entire Mystery crew were present as well.

“Come on, man, out with it,” Wendy said. “We can all see you’re more worried than Toby Determined gets in front of an actual camera. What’s going on that’s got you so worried? Is it that grem—“

“No, no, it’s not that.” Ford didn’t stop his pacing. “I’m afraid it’s much worse.”

The Mystery Crew exchanged confused looks at Ford’s words while Stan and Fiddleford exchanged far more worried ones.

“What do you mean, Grunkle Ford?” Mabel spoke up. “What’s the problem?”

“Pacin’ an’ not tellin’ ‘em isn’t gonna help ya much, Stanferd,” Fiddleford spoke up.

“I know, I know. It’s just—“ Ford stopped pacing and looked over at the Fiddleford. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to word this all day and I still haven’t figured out how to—“

“Just start from the beginnin’,” Fiddleford replied.

“Whoa, wait.” Stan looked between the two of them as he stood behind the couch. “You’re going to tell them _that?”_

“Tell us what?” Robbie looked back at Stan with a frown.

“I have to, Stan,” Ford replied. “Something’s happened that could put all of us in danger, and if they don’t know at least _something_ about what’s coming, then there is a very slim chance that we will be able to do anything to solve the problem when the time comes.”

Ford’s words caused any nervous smiles that might have been on the others’ faces to drop rather quickly.

“Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asked worriedly.

Ford hesitated, but when he saw the looks he was getting, he sighed and shook his head. “All right. From the beginning it is. I…hope you won’t think any less of me for this.”

The Mystery Crew looked at each other with worried expressions as Ford seemed to visibly gather his confidence before starting his tale.

“Back when I first arrived here in Gravity Falls, I was very eager to learn everything I possibly could about the creatures in the forest,” Ford explained. “However, after a few years I hit a roadblock in my research – I knew what the creatures were and what they were capable of, to my understanding at the time, but I didn’t know where it was they were coming from. I needed to know how it was they had come to Gravity Falls in the first place – whether by migration or if they were born here…or some other origin entirely.”

“Where else could they come from if they didn’t migrate or were born here, though?” Dipper asked. “It…doesn’t seem possible that they could just pop up out of the middle of nowhere, right?”

Ford got a spark in his eye. “Actually, there is proof that there are creatures that can travel between dimensional planes of existence in order to enter or leave our dimension, and that is the discovery I was eventually led to.” He paused, his expression becoming more grim. “By…something that had other motives besides assisting me in my research.”

Wendy leaned forward on the couch, frowning. “What kind of ‘something else’?”

“Well…there is a cave in a part of the forest that no magical creature wants to set foot in – and for good reason. Reasons which I did not _have_ at the time, so I went and investigated the caverns.” Ford’s ears drooped as he kept going. “In those caves, I found murals depicting a creature that claimed to have answers to any questions people put forward to it. I was…far too eager for answers to read the warnings that said _not_ to summon the creature.”

Dipper’s brow furrowed.

“So, you summoned it?” Tambry asked.

“I did read the incantation on the wall, yes,” Ford confirmed. “However, as I did, I was pricked by a creeping vine I hadn’t noticed along the walls of the cave. I didn’t notice it at the time, but the thorns were covered in a strange toxin that I hadn’t run into before, and by the time I returned to my home, I was already feeling some of its effects. Fiddleford – still human, at that time – confined me to bed for a few days in order to see to it that I fought the infection off, doing everything he knew to help.”

“Stanferd called me up because he wanted some help figurin’ out how ta lure some of the creatures out into the open an’ figurin’ out a few secret locations he knew about,” Fiddleford explained. “So when he got sick, I got ta play nurse. We didn’ realize what happened until…well, that.” He motioned to Ford.

“So, the poison turned you into a ghoul?” Dipper asked. “But…you said ghouls were made by _vampires_ biting people. So how did—“

“Vampires are not the only creatures that can create ghouls, Dipper,” Ford said quietly.

The implications of that statement caused the others to pause.

Tambry was the first to get the courage to speak. “So, you’re saying that thing—“

Ford nodded grimly. “As soon as the full transformation had settled into effect, I was under his full control. Fiddleford kept my hunger sated by finding roadkill and letting me drink his blood when there wasn’t anything nearby, but as soon as I was a ghoul I worked myself up into a frenzy, thinking that building a portal to another dimension would give me all the answers I needed for my research. I didn’t realize that it was actually _him_ that was directing me for a far more sinister purpose.”

“Where were you during all this, Grunkle Stan?” Dipper looked up at his other grunkle worriedly.

“Uh…somewhere in Colombia, I think?” Stan scratched his head. “Way we figured it, I got bit not long after Ford started doing his thing, and that was after I got back into the States.”

“So, not by the mailman,” Soos muttered.

“Will you stop going on about that guy, Soos? He’s not the problem right now.”

“Well, you’re clearly not building the portal _now,”_ Mabel spoke up. “So, what happened?”

“Fiddleford found a way to actually get in contact with the being and speak with it,” Ford explained. “He had to do it when I was present, which….” He suddenly looked nervous.

“The thing’s a demon,” Fiddleford said. “A triangle-shaped thing named Bill Cipher.”

Ford shuddered at the name.

Robbie scoffed. “Doesn’t sound like all that much of a problem.”

Wendy hit him upside the back of his head. “How much would you like it if you got bit by the zombies in your parents’ cemetery?”

“Hey! That was one time!”

“Yeah, and we could find a way to turn you back, doofus,” Nate spoke up. “Dr. Pines _can’t_ thanks to this guy. So cut him some slack, will ya?”

Robbie ducked his head, scowling, but he muttered an apology that Ford’s ears twitched at.

“So, what did you do?” Dipper asked.

“I had ta make a deal with him,” Fiddleford said grimly. “In order ta _keep_ Ford from being used by this guy, I had ta give him somethin’ in trade. Guess what I gave up.” He gave a small, sad smile, showing his vampire fangs.

The group stared at Fiddleford, wide-eyed.

“So that’s how it happened,” Dipper said. “But, wait – when did Grunkle Stan get up here?”

“Well, we needed some help in tearing the portal apart.” Ford rubbed the back of his head, looking sheepish. “After…what happened, I wasn’t up to the level of strength I had when I was building it. Learning that he was a werewolf after he got up here was a surprise, but…to be honest, I should have expected it, considering the luck the two of us had.”

“Still didn’t stop ya from aimin’ a crossbow at me when I first changed in front’a ya,” Stan grunted.

“I was surprised, okay?! Stanley, I thought we were past that.”

“Well, since we’re talkin’ about the past—“

“What does bringing up this guy have to do with anything that’s going on now?” Wendy spoke up. “You’ve kept it a secret for this long, right? Why did you think you needed to bring it up now?”

Ford sighed as Stan blinked a couple times, looking annoyed that he had been cut off so suddenly. “And we come to the main problem. Two nights ago, when you were taking care of the vampire carnival, someone broke in and stole one of the more important parts from the portal – a part we have been considering reusing for a possible future project.”

“Ford didn’ get a good ID on the scent until last night,” Fiddleford added. “When someone found that cave and shredded the marker he left at the cave entrance.”

“Shredded—“ Dipper cut himself off when Ford held up his left hand, showing scars that looked like someone had scraped a rock against his palm and fingers. “Are you okay?!”

“They’re merely superficial; it should fade in a few days.” Ford looked at his hand himself with an expression of worry before looking back at the others. “Gideon was at the caves last night.”

“Gideon?” Wendy blinked in surprise, then frowned. “What would that guy want with anything in the woods at night? He’s got that tent of his to run, there’s no way he’s been doing what we’ve been doing.”

“I dunno about that,” Pacifica spoke up suddenly. When the others in the room looked over at her, she ducked her head, then recovered her composure. “You remember how Mom and Dad had all those secret paintings of my family’s _actual_ history? The one where we’ve been lying and cheating and –“

“We get the picture princess, you don’t have to repeat everything,” Stan said.

Pacifica frowned up at him, then turned her attention back to the others. “Well, there’s other stuff in that back room too. Weird, old-looking things. Tapestries and old bowls. When you mentioned that this guy you’re so worried about is triangle-shaped, that got me thinking. There are triangles on _a lot_ of the stuff Mom and Dad have hidden away. People worshipping it. I never really put much thought into it because this thing had a top hat and a bow tie, but…if _you_ guys ran into it….”

Ford’s ears flicked. “I distinctly remember the top hat, yes.”

“…then I think my parents might be getting Gideon to do something. I mean, why _else_ call in a vampire carnival when you know it’s going to give you a distraction that could get them to find what they need?”

Ford turned a sickly green at Pacifica’s words; Fiddleford looked stone-faced and grim.

“Then…that means they not only have the ability to, but they probably already have the _materials_ they need.” Ford looked over at Fiddleford worriedly.

“This is a mighty big conundrum,” Fiddleford said. “And it means we have ta move – fast.” He looked at the group. “You folks can do things we can’t anymore. We’re gonna need ya ta get into the Northwests mansion, find the portal – if they’ve built it – an’ shut the damn thing down before that demon can find a way through inta our dimension. Ya think ya can handle that?”

“Just one question.” Tambry looked curious. “What _would_ happen if this guy got into our dimension?”

“Everything would get turned on its head,” Ford replied instantly. “You do _not_ want him here.”

“In Ford’s more feverish moments in the beginnin’ I heard him muttering the same thing over and over again,” Fiddleford said. “’When gravity falls and earth becomes sky, beware the beast with just one eye.’ If that isn’t enough of an indication of what’s gonna happen ta our world, I dunno what is.”

Something about the phrase sent shivers down Dipper’s spine – but he wasn’t entirely sure why.

“So, stop Pacifica’s crazy parents and whatever it is they’re using Gideon for, got it.” Mabel grinned. “I think we can handle that.”

“Mabel, we haven’t done _anything_ like what’s here in Gravity Falls before,” Dipper pointed out.

“We can handle gremlins that like eating the electricity of an entire suburban area, I think we can handle this,” Mabel replied cheerily. She gained a serious expression moments later. “Besides, the fate of the _world_ is at stake here – we have to stop what’s going on before it’s too late!”

“Is there anything we should know about this Bill guy other than the fact that he can use creepy vines to turn people into ghouls?” Lee spoke up.

“He can enter your dreams,” Ford replied. “That’s how he relayed his orders to me initially, but I don’t doubt he’s restricted to just those he’s turned. That’s why unicorn hair is so important – when combined with mercury and moonstones, it can create a natural barrier that prevents him from entering your mind at any point. This house is surrounded by it – he won’t be able to disturb us here. The rest of the town, however….”

“Mercury and moonstones,” Tambry repeated. “Huh. Well, I’ve got a surplus of unicorn hair from when Candy, Grenda, and Mabel went at the start of the summer—“

“YEAH!” Grenda yelled, causing Ford to jump a couple feet. “Those unicorns were TERRIBLE!”

“…yeah.” Tambry rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I bet I could whip something up if I can get my hands on the other two things. Would just bracelets we wear 24/7 keep him out?”

Ford opened his mouth, closed it, thought for a moment, then shrugged. “I should…think so? I-I’ve never tried.”

“And he can’t exactly try with me – those moonstones kinda accelerate my transformation on full moon nights.” Stan made a face. “You kids are lucky you didn’t see me here two nights ago. I had a _tail_ for crying out loud.”

Candy and Mabel looked up at him with wide, sparkling eyes.

“You shouldn’t have said that,” Dipper said with a knowing look.

“Okay, I’m going to find when the next full moon’s gonna happen _just_ so I can see that,” Mabel said with a wide grin.

Stan looked unnerved.

“If there will be a full moon,” Ford said gloomily.

Stan quickly gained a serious stance and nodded. “Right. So let’s get to work figurin’ out how to get into the Northwests’ basement so we can shut the damn thing down. Any ideas?”

“We can use the servants’ entrances,” Pacifica spoke up. “They have secret passageways all over the mansion; I’ve taken to using them myself when I don’t want to talk to Mom and Dad.”

“Good, good.” Stan nodded.

“Thanks for not touching my flowers, by the way.”

Stan grunted.

“Are we going to sneak in someone who knows how the thing works?” Dipper asked. “Because, I mean, none of _us_ would probably be able how to shut it down safely or take it apart.”

“Hopefully they haven’t turned it on _yet,”_ Ford said quickly. “The portal I built ran on some unconventional fuel.”

“Nuclear waste isn’t unconventional, it’s just plain dangerous,” Fiddleford said pointedly.

Ford looked annoyed. “Yes, well, I needed something strong enough to punch a hole in our dimension.” He regained his composure. “Anyway, I doubt that even the Northwests would be able to get their hands on—“

A shockwave of some kind of _power_ ran through the room, cutting Ford off as his eyes widened in alarm.

“Oh no,” Ford said faintly.

Dipper was about to ask what Ford was reacting to when he realized that he was slowly floating upwards – and so was everyone else.

“What the—“

Gravity suddenly came back into play and everyone slammed down into the couch.

Ford stumbled and quickly regained his balance as Fiddleford looked even more pale than usual. Ford himself looked even more of a sickly green than he normally did.

“It’s begun,” Ford said faintly.

“ _That’s_ what happens when the portal turns on?” Candy asked. “Gravity stops?”

“Only if it reaches a high enough instability in its systems that it starts affecting this world,” Fiddleford replied quickly. “We don’t have a lot of time before it completes the hole between our dimension and its destination – we _have_ to get that thing shut down.”

“I know how to do that,” Ford said quickly. “If you can get me in, I can tear it apart.”

“Then we do that,” Stan said. “Tomorrow.”

Ford blinked in surprise. “What?”

“We get one of those veil things that those other ghouls were wearing and dress you in it, then get you up to the mansion and get in,” Stan said. “The kids will get us in, and you’ll do the rest. Sound good?”

Ford stammered at Stan’s statement as Fiddleford nodded.

“Jus’ make sure yer not caught,” Fiddleford said.

“The serving staff are on my side; they’ll know to leave us alone,” Pacifica said. “Just stick with me and we’ll be fine.”

“Good.”

Ford swallowed nervously, then gained a more determined expression. He nodded. “We will need to move quickly in the morning. Get some sleep here while you can; you’re going to need all the strength you can get.”

There was a collective determined nod from the others.

“Let’s keep this demon from getting what he wants,” Stan said with a grin.

**Space Break**

Preston Northwest stepped away from the activating lever of the portal and looked up at the large, triangular-shaped structure.

“Well done.” He turned to look at the group of engineers behind him, grin a little too wide to be entirely normal. “You will all be rewarded accordingly, of course. Go on and collect your reward from my butler on your way out.”

The team scrambled towards the exit from the basement, and Northwest looked back at the portal, too-wide grin on his face.

“It won’t be long now!” He threw back his head and laughed – but the laugh sounded layered, almost like there was a second, higher, louder voice mixed in with his.


	15. Break-In

They didn’t wait until the next night to go to the Northwest’s mansion.

Getting a robe and veil from one of the other ghouls that Fiddleford had taken from the vampires wasn’t all that hard – they’d all been left in a large pile in front of the bunker. Crampelter had been stalking the clearing nearby, but he didn’t give them any trouble when they had taken a robe that was about Ford’s size and gone back to the shack.

By the following morning, they’d gotten barely enough sleep, but they had a mission and knew what they had to do to stop what lay in the Northwests’ basement.

Ford adjusted the hat as best he could with an annoyed expression as the group came up on the back wall that surrounded the garden at the back of the mansion. “While I’m _glad_ for something that could help protect me from the sun it feels like someone’s tied a rock to my head. If I was anyone else, I doubt my neck would be able to hold up this much weight under normal circumstances.”

“Aw, stop complainin’, at least it lets ya walk around when there’s sun out,” Stan pointed out. He looked up at the wall, hands on his hips as he frowned. “Pacifica, are we gonna have ta vault this or—“

“Not today,” Pacifica replied. “I had a gate installed back here.” She walked up to the wall and started pressing against the bricks. “Let’s see…it’s around here somewhere—“

 _Click_.

Ford blinked in surprise as the hidden door swung inward. “Impressive. Do your parents know about this?”

“No. It’s a hidden door, that’s kind of the point.” Pacifica looked over at him with an annoyed expression, but her expression softened as Ford looked apologetic. “Look, don’t worry about me. I’ve been able to handle things for the last few years on my own; Mom and Dad may be bad, but at least they leave me alone now that I’ve got a lumberjack ghost keeping an eye on me.”

“Lumberjack ghost?” Dipper repeated.

“You’ll probably meet my however many-great-uncle or something at some point,” Wendy commented. “Maybe not today, though. Come on.” She strode through the hidden door, Pacifica quickly following after her and bringing the rest of the crew on their heels.

In the morning dawn, the resplendent gardens of the Northwest were as quiet as the forest outside it. A toolshed near them looked like it had been upturned very recently, with tools lying scattered across the path that ran through the garden.

Ford moved over to the shed curiously as Pacifica closed the hidden door behind them; it seemed to seal shut and become a part of the wall again. “No foundation – it was upended when the portal was activated hours ago.” He looked over at the others. “We’re lucky that there haven’t been more gravity warps yet – the portal isn’t unstable enough for Cipher to come through into our dimension yet. We still have time.”

“Then let’s get movin’ before we _lose_ that time,” Stan said pointedly. “Pacifica, you know this place.”

“So do you,” Pacifica shot back. Her nose wrinkled. “We’re going to have be careful with you – the peacocks are going to want your head. I hope you know that.”

“Pheh. Those stupid birds don’t scare me.”

“Try saying that when you’re not a walking, muscley furball.”

Lee and Nate snickered at each other as Stan’s expression soured and Pacifica smirked knowingly.

“Just watch your step,” Pacifica said. “The servants’ entrance back here is this way.” She started down the path, towards the large house looming over them in the distance.

The garden was large and extravagant, just like one would expect of the Northwest Mansion. Dipper and Mabel, who hadn’t set foot in the place because of Pacifica’s warnings about her parents and how they could be, looked around with wide eyes as they took in the flowers and trees that decorated the place.

Ford didn’t look like he could be bothered to so much as stop and even smell one of the roses. His focus was on the house ahead of them, gaze so piercing Dipper thought he could have broken the windows just by looking at them. Stan had a similar gaze, although he didn’t look like he was going to break the windows so much as vandalize the whole place.

“What do you guys have against Pacifica’s parents, exactly?” Mabel asked. “I’m sure they’re…okay people, deep down, right?”

Stan snorted. “Hardly. No offense, Pacifica.”

“None taken.” Pacifica wrinkled her nose. “My family comes from a long, long line of liars and cheats, Mabel. We’re not exactly the best of people. I _would_ have followed in their footsteps, but then an old ghost nearly cursing the mansion six years ago set some things straight. Mom and Dad are still horrible, though.”

“Not to mention they own _almost_ everything that might be considered Cipher memorabilia,” Ford said bitterly.

“Almost?” Dipper repeated.

Ford muttered something about a bonfire and a smelting pit, giving off a mood that said he didn’t want to speak on the matter further.

They continued moving through the garden without running into the peacocks, although they could hear them crying from all corners of the garden. Stan glanced over his shoulder on occasion, nose twitching like he was picking up something that he didn’t like the smell of.

They reached the back of the mansion just as they started floating off the ground again.

“Waa!” Mabel yelped.

“Stay calm!” Ford barked, although he sounded uneasy himself. “It will be over in a few seconds, just—“

The entire group slammed into the ground moments later, getting several groans from the group.

Ford quickly adjusted his hat and scrambled to his feet. “We have to keep moving – Pacifica, where would it most likely be kept?”

“Probably in one of the cellars.” Pacifica got to her feet and dusted herself off, an annoyed look on her face. “How many more times is this gonna happen before we get down there?”

“They’re going to become more frequent,” Ford replied grimly. “ _How_ frequent, I’m not entirely certain. My portal never got this far, which I’m glad for.” He looked up at the mansion in front of them. “Regardless, we have little time left.”

“Here it is!” Pacifica pushed open another hidden entrance in the wall between a pair of windows. “We can reach the servants’ quarters and get down to the basement this way.” She moved inside and motioned for the others to follow. “Come on, Dr. Pines. You too.”

Dipper and Mabel moved over the threshold as Ford followed after them, but then he paused, one foot hovering over the invisible line where the door had been.

Ford looked uneasy. “Ah—“

“Ford. Come on.” Pacifica motioned for Ford to follow her. “I don’t care what my parents say, you can come in whenever. Your brother already does that enough.”

“I’m tied to _Fiddleford,_ not my brother,” Ford pointed out as Stan came up behind him.

“He can come in whenever he wants to – now are you coming or not?”

That seemed to do it, because when Stan pushed Ford from behind the ghoul stumbled inside without running into any invisible barriers.

Ford quickly caught his balance and sent Stan an annoyed look as the rest of the group moved into the narrow passage. Then he looked down at himself, then back at the door as Pacifica closed it behind them. “Hm. I thought that only those who were considered of age _and_ in ownership of the house could invite someone inside.”

“Technically, I’m an adult, and I _am_ set to inherit this house whether my parents like it or not,” Pacifica replied. “There’s your loophole. Come on.” She motioned for them to follow her down the dimly-lit passage. “Servants quarters are this way. We’ll have access to the rest of the house from there.”

Ford blinked a couple times, but when Stan nudged him from behind again he got moving with an annoyed noise directed at his brother.

“So, you can only go places when Fiddleford has the permission to?” Dipper looked back at Ford.

“That seems to be the case, so far,” Ford replied. “Honestly, it makes things simpler, but I think there may be something where a ghoul can enter a building for the sake _of_ the vampire and get permission to allow him to enter.” He gained a worried expression. “I think Cipher is attempting to force his way in, and my summoning him all those years ago might have served as the initial invitation.”

“Let’s not think about that now,” Stan suggested. “We’ve got that portal ta plug.”

“Do we have any backup plans in case this doesn’t work?” Robbie spoke up. “I mean, in case we can’t get to the machine in time or we can’t shut it down or something.”

“This has to work,” Ford said, determined.

“…I’ll take that as a no.”

“We’ll figure somethin’ out,” Stan said. “Fiddleford’s still back at the Shack, and if he knows Ford’s in danger, he’ll come runnin’, early morning or not.”

“I’d rather not see him die because of me,” Ford said worriedly.

“Yeah, well, maybe you should have thought a little more first all those years ago, then, ‘cause he’s technically already—“

“Here we are,” Pacifica announced as they moved out of the passageway.

Pacifica had led them into a long, wide corridor lined with doors. Some of them were open, but as soon as the people peering out of them saw Pacifica and the others with her, they quickly retreated back inside and shut the doors behind them.

“Most of these are servants’ quarters, but they lead to other parts of the house,” Pacifica explained as she moved down the hall. “Looks like everyone knows something is up and decided to stay put…we should be able to get to the basement somehow from here, though.”

“The sooner the better,” Ford said. “Which way would get us there the quickest?”

“Probably…” Pacifica moved along the corridor, checking on the doors as she went. The others followed after her. “I think it’s this one.”

Pacifica kicked a door open, only to be met with a dark corridor.

“Miss, please, don’t go down there!”

The group turned their heads as a balding older man stepped out of one of the other corridors.

“Master Northwest has a project down there that mustn’t be disturbed,” he insisted. “If you were to set foot down there—“

“We’re here to _stop_ it,” Pacifica corrected, cutting the man off. “That thing he’s working on downstairs is going to do something none of us are going to want. I don’t want to see our world torn apart, do you?”

The man looked uncertain. “Well, _no_ , miss, no one does, but—“

“So _trust me_ when I saw that whatever Dad’s up to, it’s not something that we want to succeed, okay?” Pacifica’s fierce gaze softened. “My friends and I’ll take care of it. You just make sure everyone can get out of here if we don’t manage to get things taken care of, all right?” She looked over at Ford before the butler could answer. “Come on.”

“Miss! Wai—“

But Pacifica had already ushered the group into the dark corridor and closed the door behind them.

Instantly, there was another shockwave of energy similar to the one they’d felt back at the Shack, but _this_ time there was clearly a blue shockwave of energy that came along with it, negating gravity for a third time.

“Push off the walls!” Ford ordered sharply. He shot ahead of them, eyes glowing an eerie green even with the hat and its attached veil covering his face. “We need to get to the portal _now!”_

“Glad we took those parkour lessons now, Mabel?” Dipper asked as he positioned his feet near one of the walls. He shot down the hall in the direction Ford had gone.

Mabel zipped passed him with a short laugh. “Yup!”

“Keep a level head, you two!” Wendy called. “We don’t exactly have all that much time before things could end up thrown on their heads! Gravity’s kinda falling, remember?”

Dipper’s knowing smirk faded in an instant. “Oh, yeah….”

“Don’t think about that now if you can!” Ford barked back at them. He sounded like he was trying to be determined, but there was something else in his voice too – a nervousness that didn’t quite sound right in his voice. “We might still have time!” A moment later, he let out a yelp.

Dipper felt something push past him and force him to slow down when an arm was moved in front of him.

“Passage goes down up ahead,” Stan said.

A blue shockwave ran through the air again, and everyone slammed to the ground again, eliciting several groans from the group.

“Man, this gravity thing’s getting _really_ annoying,” Robbie grumbled. “If this keeps up one of us is going to end up with a broken leg or something.”

“Stay close to the ground if you can,” Stan ordered. Dipper heard him get to his feet, then ruffle around for a moment before pulling out his phone and activating the flashlight. He swung the beam around the corridor, hitting the others in their eyes. “Everyone okay so far?”

The humans in the group gave a number of half-groaned responses.

“We’re okay, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper got to his feet. “Grunkle Ford?”

There wasn’t an answer from the ghoul.

“Grunkle Ford?”

Stan turned in order to find his brother and stiffened before swearing and pulling Ford back by one of his feet. “Ford, you idiot! That was too close!”

“Too close to—“ Dipper cut himself off when he saw what was ahead of them.

The entire corridor ahead of them was lined in dark, thorn-covered vines that dripped with a blindingly bright yellow liquid.

Ford shuddered suddenly and scrambled backwards on all fours. “Those vines…I thought they could only grow in—“

“Those are the ones that were in the cave?” Wendy asked, tone grim.

Ford shuddered, then nodded. “Yes, that’s right.”

“So, if we get anywhere near those things, we’re gonna get turned into ghouls, too.”

“Maybe.” Ford rose to his feet, rubbing a spot on his neck with a worried expression. “The venom that slipped into my system was _green._ I’m not sure what a venom this color might mean.” He turned and looked at the others, glowing eyes betraying his nervous panic. “We’ll have to find another way to—“

“Step aside, boys, I’ve got this.” Wendy pulled an axe off her belt and pulled on a pair of leather gloves. “Dad wouldn’t drop me off at lumber camps every chance he had if he didn’t think I wasn’t going to be able to continue the family business.”

“Lumber?” Dipper asked.

“That, yeah, but something else, too.” Wendy spun the axe in one hand, then looked back at the others and grinned. “All right, great-relative of mine, I hope you can get down here because the two of us need to do some old-fashioned clearing!”

As Wendy raised her axe, there was a silent moment. When her axe came down on one of the vines in front of them, however, it was surrounded by white, glowing energy that flashed as soon as it came into contact with the vines.

The vines released a _screaming_ sound as the axe slammed into them, cutting through the first group of them in their path. The vines shriveled instantly, trails of yellow drops of poison hitting the floor and sending up sizzling bits of steam as the floor was eaten away.

“Okay.” Wendy hefted her axe, which was still glowing with unusual energy. “Now to keep going and make sure we can get through without getting hit by that stuff.”

“Acid this time?” Ford muttered. “Hm. He must’ve expected that we were coming, but – how? The unicorn hair should have—“

“That thing’s probably predicting our movements,” Robbie muttered as Wendy slashed through the next bundle of vines. He winced at the screaming sound that came from them. “You know, the how the villain expects the hero to step in at the last moment and actually do something as a last-ditch effort to save the world?”

Ford’s ears flicked at that; he frowned. “I’m not sure if Cipher is _that_ kind of villain.”

“Well, you nearly built the portal for him last time, right? It’d make sense that he’d expect you to do _something_ in order to try and stop him.”

Ford’s jaw set as Wendy slashed through a third bundle of vines; little dents pockmarked the floor where the acid had dripped. “I still intend to stop him, whether or not he expects me.”

“Well, yeah, I’m not telling you not to.” Robbie shrugged. “Just keep your guard up, right?”

The vines screamed again.

“Okay, guys!” Wendy called. “We can keep going! Stan, keep close to me so I can see if the vines end up coming back again. Stay close everyone!”

“You heard her!” Stan barked. “Move it!”

The group quickly scrambled past the shrunken, slashed-through vines that lay at the edge of the path. Stan moved after them as soon as they’d gotten past, then moved ahead of the others and joined Wendy and Ford at the front of the group.

Pacifica moved right behind them. “If those vines are down here, and this demon guy’s some kind of demon that can make people into ghouls, how did he do _that?”_

“I’m not sure.” Ford sounded distracted, worried. “Cipher has ways of manipulating the world, but only through _people,_ as far as I’m aware. He’s trapped in another dimension – that’s why he’s trying to get a portal built; he needs to have a _gateway_ into ours. Unless he’s…he’s _possessed_ someone outright in order to create these vines or – or _something_ similar – he can’t affect the physical world.”

“He _better_ not have possessed the gardener,” Pacifica muttered. “I happen to like him.”

“It would have to be someone with power over plants in some form,” Ford corrected.

“I think Ghost Corduroy knows.” Wendy held up her axe, which was flickering back and forth between white and blue and red rapidly. “He normally does the plant thing, and he’s mad that whatever’s going on down here is something he can’t control.”

“How do you know?” Ford asked.

“This is his axe. Ever since that whole curse thing six years ago, I’ve been carrying it around. It’s kinda weird, having the connection back to him?” Wendy shrugged. “It’s helpful sometimes, though.”

It didn’t take them long to run into more vines – which were, once again, chopped through – before the gently sloping passageway started to level out.

Then they saw the light: blue-white, occasionally sparking with a brighter intensity before fading back to its original brightness.

“There it is.” Ford’s shoulders were stiff. “Those vines can’t have been his only line of defenses.”

Wendy hefted her axe. “Well, whatever’s coming, I’m definitely ready for it. Let’s go shut this thing down before we get stuck in some world-ending apocalypse where that demon does whatever he wants.”


	16. The End of the World...?

The group didn’t rush blindly into the basement.

Wendy, Ford, and Stan moved into the opening that led out of the hall, Wendy’s ax at the ready as Ford cast aside the hat he had been wearing in order to get into the building. The sound of the fabric and straw hat hitting the ground caused Ford to wince a little, but no one else seemed to notice it all that much. Hopefully whoever was in the basement didn’t, either.

Dipper and Mabel moved up behind their grunkles as the others in the group moved into attacking positions like it was an old habit.

“What’s the plan?” Dipper asked quietly.

“The rest of you are going to provide a distraction,” Ford replied, keeping his voice low. There was an urgent growl to his words. “I’ll do what I can to stop the portal – if you manage to stop the others in the room, then you can assist me – but only then.”

Dipper and the rest nodded, looking determined, but Dipper and Mabel looked at least a little concerned. When they’d come up to Gravity Falls, they hadn’t thought they’d end up getting involved in stopping a demon from opening a portal into their world.

Ford nodded in response to them, then turned and looked at the chamber ahead of them.

Stan, Wendy, and Ford burst out of the corridor and into the large room as a crackle of blue electricity shot across the high ceiling. Dipper and the others were quick to follow after them, pulling out the flashlights they’d used against the ghouls and vampires just days before.

Mabel reached into the sleeve of her sweater and pulled out a gun-like apparatus as five figures standing in the center of the room turned to face them. “Grappling Hook!”

“What the—“

Dipper was cut off in surprise as Mabel shot the hook at the end of the weapon into one of the figures. It smacked them in the face with a wooden _thunk_ and sent him falling back as a crazed laugh started to echo throughout the room.

“I was _wondering_ if you were going to make an appearance, Fordsy!”

“Dad?!” Pacifica asked in surprise.

“Cipher!” Ford’s voice came out as a snarl, but there was a tremor there. “What did you promise him?!”

“Oh, I just said that he wouldn’t have to worry about his daughter going out and doing anything he didn’t want her to!” The man who was Preston Northwest grinned a little too widely, his eyes gleaming an unusual yellow. “I didn’t tell him that she’d probably be _dead_ when I’m done!”

“Is that guy _possessing_ your _dad?!_ ” Robbie demanded. “How can he do something like that?”

“I’m a demon, kid, it’s in the job description!” Cipher replied cheerily. The grin on his face grew sharp. “So, you people think that you can stop me from gaining a physical form and coming through that portal, do you? I don’t think that you’re going to do that~”

Pacifica shuddered as her finger hovered over the flashlight’s on button. “That sounds so _wrong_ coming from his mouth.”

“I know, right? Which is why I want a physical form so that I can interact with you all properly!” Cipher’s gaze fixed on Ford as he started to move towards the base of a large, triangle-shaped construct of metal with a glowing blue circle in the center. Lightning crackled across its surface. “And _you._ ”

Ford froze.

“I think you know what I want to do with _you_. All right, puppets! Keep them busy!”

The three figures who were still standing moved away from Cipher as the fourth rose to his feet, then started to follow after them.

“I think you’ll like these four,” Cipher added cheerily. “I’ve been using them for the last fifty years to spy on everything that happens in the woods! Dryads in the trees, right? Who knew!” He threw back his head and laughed.

“Keep them off my back!” Ford yelped.

“On it!” Wendy surged forward, bringing her axe back for a swing. As she moved towards one of the dryads, a ghostly figure appeared behind her – a large, muscular being with blue fire where a beard might have been in life. The two swung together, axe glowing almost a bright white. The axe bit into the dryad in front of Wendy, wood crunching under the blade.

The resulting scream that followed caused the rest to flinch as they squared off against the other three dryads. It sounded like a tree screaming as it was being felled.

Wendy pulled the axe back, the blade coated in something green and glowing. She made a face of disgust at the substance. “Yuck. I hope I can clean that off later.” She raised the blade again, this time aiming for the dryad’s neck while it was still stunned.

One of the other dryads started to move to aid the first, but Mabel shot off her grappling hook again with a delighted laugh that almost bordered on manic, tying the wood creature up in the weapon’s cord. With a sharp yank, Mabel pulled the dryad to the floor.

“Hold him!” Mabel yelled as Robbie and Tambry went after another dryad.

“I’ve got it!” Thompson ran forward and jumped before bellyflopping onto the collapsed dryad as it struggled in its bonds. The resulting _crunch_ of wood snapping under his weight caused Dipper to wince.

“Guys, do we want to make the woods mad by _really_ taking these guys out or—“

 _“These creatures have forsaken their grove,”_ growled the ghostly figure behind Wendy as her axe found purchase again on the dryad in front of her. More green liquid sprayed out from the wound. _“The woods will be singing your praises when they are gone. Besides, I don’t think they have a mind left amongst them!”_

The voice of the ghost wasn’t exactly pleasing to listen to, in Dipper’s opinion, but something about his words rang true. None of the dryads had said so much as a word, and if they were here, then—

“The vines with the thorns!” Dipper exclaimed sharply as Thompson pushed himself to his feet. “They have to be the cause of that – Grunkle Ford, they’re the ones that turned you into a ghoul!”

“What?!” Ford’s yell echoed throughout the basement.

Cipher laughed. “Hey, you’re sharp, Pine Tree! Sharper than ol’ Sixer over there!”

A shudder ran down Ford’s spine visibly as a loud snarl shot across the basement from Stan.

“Only _I_ call him that,” Stan snarled lowly. He was fighting against two of the dryads at once, holding them back at arm’s length to keep them from slicing into him with their clawed hands.

“Are you so sure about that? He was my little Sixer for quite a while there!” Cipher laughed as Stan snarled even louder. “And I’ve been looking to get a pet again – what do you say, Crescent?”

“Crawl back into the hole you came from and don’t come **_back!”_**

Stan’s roaring snarl sounded the most enraged Dipper had ever heard someone be – and the fact that Stan threw both the dryads away from in two separate directions clearly said how much strength he had been holding back.

Cipher laughed. The sound was really starting to grate on Dipper’s ears. “Now, that doesn’t sound very nice at all! I’m sure you would have used other words to get your point across, so why don’t you? We’re all adults here! I’m sure Pine Tree and Shooting Star can handle a few naughty words every once in a –“

The surprised gasp that came from Ford was covered by the loud snarl Stan gave as he lunged for one of the dryads. From this distance, it almost looked like his fingers were turning into claws.

Dipper was so distracted watching the fight that he almost didn’t notice the vine that started trying to wrap around his leg. Wendy came in and slashed through the vine, spraying a red liquid that burned into the floor.

“Yaa!” Dipper danced away quickly, looking at vine with an expression of alarm. “What—“

“Keep your head on your shoulders and not in the clouds,” Wendy said as rainbow flashes started going off in the room. “We have to stop this from—“

The portal machinery’s hum got louder suddenly, and a shockwave of energy shot out from the portal, cutting off gravity yet again and causing everyone in the room to drift upwards with cries of surprise.

“No no no!” Ford yelped as he grabbed onto one side of the bottom point of the portal. “This can’t be at the strength it is now! It’s too soon! It’s far too soon!”

“Ford!” Stan yelled, floating in the air between the two controlled dryads he had been fighting.

Cipher laughed, crazed. “When you tore open the rip in space decades ago, that rip wasn’t sealed off when you destroyed your portal! It’s been growing slowly ever since that day, so all I have to do now is rip it open _completely!”_

“No!” Ford’s voice was clearly panicked as he pulled himself away from the portal. He was clearly straining against the pull of the portal, which was pulsing with multiple colors and seeming to grow stronger by the second.

“I’ll be coming over soon!” Cipher said cheerily. “I’m looking forward to seeing you all _in person!”_

Cipher let out another crazed laugh, throwing back the head of his borrowed body. The laugh stopped short a moment later, and Preston Northwest crumpled to the ground.

“Dad!” Pacifica yelled. She started trying to swim through the air towards her father.

“He’s the least of our worries right now!” Ford was looking between the portal and the others. “He’s coming! I can’t shut it down!”

“Can’t shut it down?!” Dipper repeated in alarm.

 _“When Gravity Falls and Earth becomes Sky, Beware the Beast with Just One Eye!”_ the ghostly figure near Wendy intoned with grim dramatics. “The world will fall apart if the Zodiac is not gathered!”

“The what?” Wendy repeated.

“Zodiac?” Dipper repeated. “What Zodiac?”

The portal’s whirring was high-pitched now – to the point that there was hardly anything else that could be heard.

“Prepare yourselves!” Ford yelled as the dryads’ eyes went dark at once. Ford’s own eyes were wide as the portal started to glow white. “He’s coming!”

Dipper threw his arms up over his face as the others across the room did the same. The white glow of the portal flashed brightly, completely overtaking the room and—

Dipper slammed into the ground as gravity came back into play, hitting his chin against the concrete floor. His yelp of pain was echoed by the others in the room, and he quickly scrambled up into a sitting position and rubbed at his chin, wincing. It was already bruising.

Dipper looked around quickly at the room and saw that the others were getting up from where they had collapsed. There was a soft blue glow in the room that was coming from somewhere above.

Dipper’s gaze moved to the portal as it turned an angry red, with swirling yellow, and he felt his skin grow cold as he scrambled to his feet. “Grunkle Ford!”

A black, three-fingered hand reached through the portal. Ford, who was sitting below the portal, looked up sharply at Dipper’s voice and the change in the portal’s color, quickly started scrambling back towards a corner of the basement.

“Get out of here now!” Ford barked. “All of you!”

“Ford, I’m not—“

“You’re going to have to, Stanley!” Ford’s gaze wasn’t leaving the portal as a second hand joined the first. “He wants me, I know he does. Get back to the Shack – it’s protected from his machinations.”

“I am _not_ leaving you!” Stanley barked back as a pair of black legs came through the portal. All four limbs started pushing against the outside of the portal, attempting to get the main body through.

Dipper took a couple steps back, towards the hallway they had come down through. Whatever it was that was coming through, it was _gigantic._

“Look, just focus on getting that thing _shut,_ or else we’re gonna be dealin’ with—“

_Pop!_

Something bright yellow and three-sided flew out of the portal and slowed to a stop in the center of the room. Dipper had to blink his eyes and squint at the thing that was in the room now. It looked like a line and like a pyramid at the exact same time, which was weirder and more wrong than anything he’d seen out in the woods of Gravity Falls.

He was getting a headache from just looking at it.

 _“WELL WELL WELL, IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK IN GRAVITY FALLS!”_ the triangle-pyramid-thing said cheerily. It – no, _he_ – turned slowly in the basement room, looking down at Dipper, Mabel, Stan, and the members of Wendy’s Mystery Crew who had come along to help Ford stop what was happening right in front of them. Dipper stood as tall as he could under the singular eye that focused on him and the others in turn. _“AND IF IT ISN’T THE WELCOMING PARTY!”_

“What are you supposed to be?!” Robbie demanded sharply from where he stood next to Tambry. He was trying to put on a brave face, but it wasn’t completely working.

 The entity laughed. _“THE NAME’S BILL CIPHER, STITCHED HEART! AND I’M GOING TO BE THE NEW LORD AND MASTER OF THIS DIMENSION! CONSIDER WEIRDMAGEDDON—“_

The portal suddenly shut off.

_“…SIXER, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”_

“I don’t have to answer to you!” Ford barked back from somewhere behind the main portal structure. Something sparked at the construct’s base.

 _“OH, BUT YOU WILL! ALL I GOTTA DO IS GET MY HANDS ON YOU AND YOU’LL REGRET DOING THAT!”_ Cipher snapped his fingers.

Dipper found himself waiting on pins and needles for something to happen. This was the thing that had possessed Pacifica’s dad _and_ had turned Ford into a ghoul. At this point, absolutely anything could happen.

One second passed. Then another.

 _“WHAT IS THIS?!_ ” Cipher started snapping his fingers repeatedly, trying to get something to happen. He wobbled in the air, then suddenly crashed to the ground in the near-center of the room, nearly landing on top of Preston Northwest. The impact caused the others to stumble a bit. _“I SHOULDN’T BE AFFECTED BY – WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!”_

Dipper looked over at Mabel in confusion as she scrambled over to him. Pacifica and Tambry started dragging Preston Northwest away from the triangle monster. “What do you think’s going on?”

Mabel shrugged. “I’m just glad that Waddles is safe with Soos and Melody – he would’ve been so scared getting stuck in the middle of this!”

Cipher attempted to push himself up to his feet. He didn’t have a mouth to speak of, but it sounded like he was breathing heavily. _“WHAT IS THIS?!”_ He looked down at his hands; they shook as sparks of blue fire danced on his fingertips, then died. _“WhAT iS tHiS?!”_

Ford came out from behind the portal, dusting his hands off and carrying a bundle of wire over one arm that he hadn’t had before. Stan quickly ran over to him, but Ford’s shake of his head caused Stan to slow a little, confused.

And then Cipher started to shrink.

“H-hey! What the – no no no no no! My powers, they’re – _what did you do to this place?!”_ Cipher whirled and glared with his singular eye at Ford.

Ford simply raised an eyebrow in response, looking a little confused himself. “I didn’t do anything. Fiddleford might have.”

“Why that – when I get my hands on him he’s gonna regret making that deal with—“

Cipher cut himself off with a shriek as he suddenly shrank another two feet.

“It’s like every time he threatens somebody, he gets weaker!” Tambry said in surprise. “What kinda magic did McGucket do to make that happen?”

“Don’t look at me, like I know anything about what that old coot does,” Robbie said irritably.

“We’re gonna need something to keep him in,” Dipper said. “So that he doesn’t run off and go outside Gravity Falls and do who knows what.” He started looking around the large room, but he didn’t see anything that looked like a container of some kind.

“I’ve got this.” Pacifica pulled something out of the fashionable jacket she was wearing. “I’ve always got at least one bottle on me in case I get horribly sweaty. This one’s one of my less-favorite perfumes anyway.” She unscrewed the cap of the bottle and approached Cipher as the triangle continued to shrink, ranting and raving about how sorry everyone was going to be – especially Ford and Fiddleford. In one practiced motion, she scooped up the triangle and capped the perfume bottle, leaving him to float around in its contents and pound on the glass with small, useless fists.

As soon as Cipher was in the bottle, Ford visibly relaxed.

“Well that was anti-climactic,” Wendy commented. “And here I thought I was going to put my Christmas apocalypse training to good use in a few minutes. All we got was a shrinking triangle who can’t do anything except swear at us and smell like Pacifica on a bad day – no offense.”

“None taken,” Pacifica replied blandly. “Although I won’t be smelling like this anymore, that’s for sure.” She swirled the bottle’s contents around, bumping the little triangle against the walls of his new prison. “So, what do we do with this guy? I mean, if he’s as dangerous as Dr. Pines says, we gotta do something about him before he goes crazy.”

“At least he’s the only one that we have to worry about,” Ford said, walking over with Stan. “Preston built the portal well enough that he didn’t have to be concerned about a rift forming – the portal _was_ the rift, and I just managed to close it and cut Cipher off from his power source. When he started threatening lives, I assume that’s when Fiddleford’s spell kicked in.”

“You mean, the one that he put up when the vampires were in town?” Dipper asked, thinking back.

Ford nodded. “I didn’t think that it would work, but when I managed to cut him off from his Nightmare Realm, that likely did the trick and allowed the magic to get to work.” He frowned, tapping his chin in thought. “Still, I didn’t think that something like this could actually affect him. He’s supposed to be a being of pure energy – what affects us doesn’t affect him under normal circumstances.”

“Well, he’s pretty solid now.” Pacifica gave the bottle another shake. “I wonder if I can get him to drown in here if I leave him like this. Wanna see me try?” She grinned at the rest of the group.

“Actually, I think I have a better idea,” Stan said casually. “We got something near the house that we can banish him into – all we gotta do is stick him in something a little stronger and drop him.” He looked at Ford. “What do you think? That bottomless pit’ll drop him somewhere else and he’ll never bother us ever again.”

Ford looked like he was about to protest, but then he paused and tapped his chin in thought, frowning. “…that might work, actually. Let’s head back to the house and I’ll see about putting something together that will keep him from running around freely.

Near their feet, Preston groaned and started to push himself up off the ground. One hand went to his right eye. “Did it work?”

He looked up and caught sight of Ford looking down at him with a blank expression for a moment before the ghoul’s expression turned sour.

“Let’s take care of dismantling this before this idiot does anything worse than summon a demon that could destroy our entire dimension,” he said flatly.


	17. New Status Quo

The plan was to drop the demon triangle into the bottomless pit that evening, after sunset. Ford was going to be exhausted from working during the day to make something that would be more sturdy than a perfume bottle, but he had a design: a cylinder made from leftover pieces from his own portal, with a cap that could be very easily sealed with a torch or magic, if Fiddleford decided he wanted to get involved.

“How much longer is it going to take before he gets out here?” Pacifica asked impatiently. “I didn’t bring bug spray and I don’t want to be eaten alive out here tonight.”

“You’ll live,” Stan grunted as he watched the house. The lights inside were on, but there wasn’t any sign of movement – not yet. “It’s not like the suckers here are as big as the ones further south. Those suckers were so big I could’ve—“

“Eew.” Pacifica crinkled her nose. “I’d rather you _didn’t_ tell us about your time in Colombia. Hearing about the monsters that live out in the woods is bad enough!”

“Eh. Suit yourself.” Stan shrugged, but he was smirking.

“So, you really think this will work?” Dipper asked. “To keep him from bothering us or anyone else, I mean.” He nodded to the bottle Pacifica held in her hands. Cipher was floating on top of the perfumed liquid, arms folded across the bowtie under his eye. The bowtie and his hat both looked sopping wet.

“It better,” Stan said. He kicked a rock into the large, black hole in the ground that shared the clearing with Ford’s house. “According to Ford, this thing’s a bottomless pit – almost everything that gets thrown in just disappears from existence. We’re lucky this isn’t Friday the 13th.”

“Why?” Mabel tilted her head curiously.

“Cuz that’s the only day everything we throw into the hole gets spat out again after half an hour or so. Ford timed it. Then he threw his car keys and a pair of socks down on the 14th and he lost his keys and one of the socks. The other one flopped back up like a fish that had jumped out and landed on someone’s boat.” Stan snorted. “It’s unpredictable, but for the most part stuff that gets thrown down there doesn’t come back.”

“Good.” Wendy nodded with a determined expression. “In that case, then he’s not gonna come back and cause us trouble.”

The door of the cabin opened, and Ford stepped out, Fiddleford right behind him. In the ghoul’s hands was the metal cylinder he’d talked about making earlier that day. Fiddleford’s expression was grim with concentration.

“So, where’s the little bugger?” Fiddleford asked.

Pacifica held the perfume bottle out with two fingers. “Take him and do whatever you want with him.”

Cipher’s eye narrowed as Fiddleford took the bottle in his hands. The demon hadn’t said a word since earlier in the day, and he certainly didn’t seem interested in saying anything now.

“Well, looks like that spell actually _did_ work,” Fiddleford commented. “Any magical bein’ who starts expressin’ harm towards anyone who lives in Gravity Falls will have their power reduced. Seems you had a lot a’ harm in mind, huh?” He shook the bottle a little, jostling Cipher and bumping him against the walls of the bottle. “Well, you’re not gonna be causing us anymore trouble, that’s f’sure.” He looked over at Ford and nodded. “Let’s get this over with an’ get ya ta bed. Ya look like yer gonna fall over.”

Ford scowled a little as he held the cylinder out, and watched with a satisfied gleam in his eye as the bottle was dropped in. The sound of glass hitting metal was heard before Fiddleford slammed the cap over the top of the cylinder and said a word that Dipper didn’t quite catch.

The resulting dull flash blinded the group for a second, but when it faded the cylinder was one complete piece, no sign of seams anywhere – from either the cap or Ford’s work at putting the container together.

“You have _got_ to teach me that,” Tambry said.

“All in good time,” Fiddleford replied with a hint of satisfaction in his voice as he took the cylinder in his hands. “Ya’d have ta learn the basics first, and that’s not gonna be for a while.” He looked over the cylinder again and nodded to himself before looking around at the group assembled. “Well, unless anyone else has anythin’ ta say, I’d say we can just toss this and leave it at that.”

“Go ahead,” Stan said as the others nodded in agreement. “Let’s get this over with before he tries ta do somethin’.”

Fiddleford nodded in agreement, then looked at the metal cylinder with a serious expression. “Well, I hope ya never come back, ya three-sided demon. I don’t wanna see ya ever again.” He drew an arm back, then threw it down into the pit. Dipper got the feeling that, if he had been throwing at the ground, the cylinder would have dented and the bottle inside would have been broken open.

Fiddleford dusted off his hands and nodded in satisfaction. “There. That monster should never be comin’ back now.”

“Thank God.” Ford leaned against Fiddleford, looking terribly exhausted. “I should tell the Multibear that he won’t be a problem.”

“No, no, you’re gonna go sleep. You had an excitin’ day, and you’re not gonna do anythin’ else until you get a chance to relax for a few days.” Fiddleford pulled one of Ford’s arms across his shoulders. “Come on, we’ll go back to the house.”

“I’ll tell the Multibear what happened,” Wendy said. “He knows me well enough.”

 _“Multi_ bear?” Dipper repeated. “What kind of a bear is that?”

“He’s a guardian spirit,” Ford replied. “A bear with multiple heads. He protects the creatures of the forest and is in an unfortunate rivalry with the Manotaurs most of the time.” He gave a shaky smile and chuckled weakly. “Well, until recently, that is.”

Wendy grinned and laughed knowingly. “Yup! Six years ago they met my brothers and I made sure they got the message about bothering the poor guy. They’ve left him alone ever since.”

“And call you a ‘lumber goddess’?” Ford asked.

Wendy stared at him. “When did you—you know what, nevermind.” She rolled her eyes and huffed. “Go sleep. I’ll handle talking to them.”

“Sounds good ta me,” Fiddleford replied. “Come on, Ford – off ta sleep with ya.”

Ford grumbled something, but he didn’t protest as Fiddleford helped him back into the cabin.

As soon as the two of them had disappeared past the front doors, Stan sneezed.

“Gideon!” Stan bellowed. “Get out here right now or I’ll sniff you out and sneeze all over you!”

There came a yelp from the bushes at the edge of the clearing, and a certain white-haired teenager stepped out into the open, wringing his hands. “Wh-why Pinington, I didn’t see ya there!”

“Can it, kid,” Stan snarled. He marched over, nose twitching so fast it might as well have been a rabbit’s. He grabbed the front of Gideon’s shirt and hefted him up. “How long were you watching that, huh? You’ve got five seconds before I get the vampire back out here so he can do his thing with ya.”

Gideon squealed loudly and tried to pull back and away, but Stan was holding him high up enough that his feet were barely kicking the ground. “I didn’t see anythin’, I swear!”

“Oh, yeah? Then why were you here a few nights back and stole right from under our noses, huh? We don’t exactly appreciate it when people do that and nearly cause the world ta end.” Stan was growling out the words. “Give me a good reason not to leave you with the bitey ones in the house.”

Gideon started stumbling over his words, not really getting out anything that sounded remotely coherent. Clearly, he was shaken up enough that he wasn’t doing too well in thinking up excuses at the moment.

“Come on, kid, I know you can think of something quick on your feet.” Stan turned his head sharply and sneezed again. It sounded like a dog barking sharply.

Gideon yelped at the sound. “I-I-I was j-j-just sent by the N-Northwests, I-I swear! Th-th-they wanted the triangle fella fer some reason! I-I-I d-didn’t want ta get too close when there was a vampire around!” He looked around quickly. “I-is that triangle fella—“

“Gone,” Stan replied flatly. He lowered Gideon to the ground, but he didn’t let go of the boy’s shirt. “You kids head back to your homes – Pacifica, I think it’s safe ta say you’re stayin’ with Soos indefinitely?”

Pacifica nodded. “Oh, yeah. I didn’t think that Mom and Dad were part of some weird creepy cult.”

“That’s one way a’ putting it,” Stan muttered. He sneezed again.

“What are you gonna do with Gideon?” Dipper asked, frowning.

“The kid? Fiddleford’ll wipe his memory of this whole thing, like he did the first time Wendy and her crew busted into the house uninvited.” Stan shrugged. “Gideon won’t be a problem after tonight, so you kids don’t worry about him, got it?”

Gideon whimpered.

Dipper frowned at that. “But, Grunkle Stan—“

“He’s got this,” Wendy said. “I think. He’s only taking out the memories of what happened just now and the Northwests, right?”

“That’ll be the plan, I bet.” Stan shrugged. “Depends on what he gets out of him. Gets this weird look in his eye when he wants information.” He grinned. “I’ll see you kids later, kay? Don’t worry about Gideon.”

“Sounds good to me.” Wendy gave a thumbs-up, then started to walk off into the woods. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“See ya, Wendy!” Dipper called after her. The group started to disperse, and Dipper looked over at Mabel as Stan dragged Gideon towards the house, the boy trying to get out of his grip and failing miserably. “So…back to Soos’ house?”’

“Back to Soos’ house,” Mabel agreed.

**Time Break**

_The rest of the summer was pretty quiet compared to those few days. When we ran into Gideon again, he looked pretty hazy and confused about who exactly we were. Mabel only got to revel in that fact for a couple hours before he abruptly remembered her and his stalker-crush. Thankfully, Stan was nearby when he started that up again._

“Just what do you think you’re doing with my niece, Gideon?” Stan growled lowly across the counter.

Gideon spun on one foot and looked at Stan in surprise. “Your _niece?_ Why, Mr. Pinington, I wasn’t aware that—“

“Can it, kid. She’s already made it clear enough that she doesn’t want your hand in _anything,_ so leave her alone. If I catch you anywhere near her….

Stan’s voice trailed off menacingly enough that Gideon seemed to get the message, because he walked very quickly out of the dinner.

“Thanks, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel said, relieved.

“Anytime, pumpkin.”

_Gideon wasn’t a problem after that. The Northwests – Pacifica’s parents, I mean – did start causing some form of a ruckus over us invading their home and destroying some of their prized furniture, but thanks to Pacifica’s prodding the servants and offering them jobs as far away from the Northwests as possible that a different truth came to light. Turns out that Preston Northwest had been known to go on crazed periods recently, and destroyed his own furniture. There was even security camera proof._

_The cameras never caught the yellow glint in his eyes, though._

_Pacifica’s officially moved in with Soos and Melody for a little while. She’s planning on going out to college and living off-campus somewhere near it, get a job and start being even more self-sufficient than she already is._

“But, you’re still technically connected to your parents’ money, right?” Dipper frowned at Pacifica. “Wouldn’t that mean that you could lose that nest egg at any time?”

Pacifica snorted. “What, do you think I’m stupid enough for that? As soon as I got the chance I got a bank account of my own. I’ve been saving my allowance there and wearing clothes that were popular five years ago. Most common folk don’t really tell the difference between old and new stuff, though, so I can still play it off like I’ve got access to everything I want.”

Mabel and Dipper exchanged looks.

“You know, as far as I know, most people don’t care how much money you have unless you prove that you’re willing to give them a lot of money,” Mabel said. “I think you’ll be okay just the way you are, without pretending.”

Pacifica snorted like she didn’t believe Mabel, but the look in her eyes suggested otherwise.

_Wendy and the others are still doing what they can to research the forest and the creatures that live inside it. Now that the demon-thing that Grunkle Ford ran into isn’t a problem anymore, more of them seem to be coming out of the woodwork. Tambry, Fiddleford, Candy, and Ford have been making more night runs to investigate certain areas. Mabel and I have gone along on a couple of them. The time with the Geodites was…interesting._

“I didn’t think they came in different colors,” Ford commented as he held one of the little crystal-and-rock creatures in one hand. “They must have different minerals that are their favorites and that results in the color differences. Fascinating!”

“They kind of look like Monstermons,” Dipper commented, examining the red crystal growths on one of them. “Right, Candy?”

“I was just thinking the same thing!” Candy pushed her glasses further up her nose and looked a purple Geodite in the eye. “I want to bring one home with me. Can I?”

“Now, hold on, we don’ know what these things eat specifically yet an’ how well they’d do outside these caves,” Fiddleford pointed out.

“It _would_ be good to know, but I doubt it would be wise to take even one out,” Ford said. He tapped his pen to his chin and sighed. “And no doubt _feeding_ one would be terribly expensive, if they only eat certain stones.”

“Eyup, that’s a good point too. Better ta leave them here than sneak one home.”

“Aww.” Candy’s shoulders sagged in disappointment.

_Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan have had us over at the house a lot more since we took apart the portal at the Northwest Mansion. Mabel ends up helping them both relax more often than not. She’s had to leave Waddles with Soos and Melody when we visit, though – Ford’s caught himself drooling at the thought of eating the pig, and suggested that Mabel not take any chances in bringing him over to the house. With two blood-suckers and a werewolf, it’s not the safest place for a pig to be, even if he trusts Grunkle Stan somehow._

_Mabel claims that Grunkle Stan just has a way about him that makes him friendly to everybody except for stupidheads like Gideon. That’s a direct quote, by the way._

_In the end, the summer went by all too quickly, and while we managed to do a lot of things we weren’t able to do back at home in Piedmont, probably the most memorable part of the summer was helping Grunkle Ford and Fiddleford write and publish a paper on the Unified Theory Of Weirdness. There were other papers we gathered evidence for – mostly the creatures that Grunkle Ford studied before he was turned into a ghoul – but in the end, he decided against it._

_Gravity Falls is a place that is unusual, and if it was invaded by people who tried to explain it…well, Grunkle Ford isn’t sure what’s going to happen, but he’s pretty sure that Gravity Falls wouldn’t have liked scientists swarming into town and ruining the lives of the creatures who lived there._

_We don’t know how much attention the paper on the Unified Theory of Weirdness will do. Mabel and I promised to keep our ears to the ground for when the paper was published._

“We’re sending it to a number of different scientific journals, so we will have to see if any one of them decide to pick up our research and publish it,” Ford explained. “Considering the nature of my research, I doubt they will be willing to pick up something that deals in cryptids unless it is a journal that focuses specifically on that sort of thing.”

“I suggested waitin’ until April ta send it in an’ pretend it was an April Fools’ joke,” Stan said with a cheeky grin. Ford sent him a glare. “What? If you think no one’s gonna take it seriously, it makes sense.”

“If we’re gonna do _that,_ I’d recommend sendin’ in a paper on that lepracorn,” Fiddleford said dryly. “That’d be seen as an April Fools.”

Ford shuddered, then grinned and chuckled darkly. “If anyone else ever meets one, I hope that they can withstand whatever Irish tune it decides to sing at them for attention. Danny Boy can only be withstandable for so long before one starts to go mad.”

Fiddleford and Stan exchanged looks as Dipper and Mabel stared at their ghoulish grunkle in confusion.

“…are you okay, Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asked carefully.

“He gets like this sometimes.” Fiddleford waved off their concerned expressions. “Just change the subject an’ he’ll be fine.”

_And as for us…well, we had to go back home at the end of the summer. We promised Mom and Dad that we would be home for our birthday, even though we would have loved to celebrate it with Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford. We agreed not to tell our parents about our Grunkles yet – telling them that our grandpa’s brothers are alive and undead isn’t something we can spring on Mom and Dad out of the blue._

_Which brought us to another problem: college. Mom and Dad had let us take some time off to do things for ourselves and figure out what we wanted to do with our lives, but they expected us to be able to pick a college or two and go there for the next four years._

_However…._

Stan was wiping down the counter in the diner as the door opened.

“Can I get a stack of pancakes?” asked a young man’s voice.

“Yeah, sure, gimme a—“ Stan looked up and blinked in surprise before a grin crossed his face. “Hey! I thought you kids went back to California! What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel skipped in cheerily and sat down on a stool at the counter.

Dipper followed in after Mabel, grinning. “We decided to come back.”

Stan snorted. “Well, I can _see_ that. But what are you _doing_ back here? I thought you kids were planning on going to college or something?”

“Well, we were thinking about it,” Mabel replied. “But….”

“We decided that we wanted to move up here,” Dipper replied.

Stan raised an eyebrow. “Really? For what reason?”

“Well, I want to be able to help Grunkle Ford with his research,” Dipper started.

“And I’d like to be able to help too,” Mabel added. “I can do art stuff like Grunkle Ford can, and if Dipper ever finds stuff like what lives here but in other places, I can help!”

“…are you sayin’ you two kids are plannin’ on becoming cryptid hunters?” Stan raised an eyebrow.

“Basically?” Dipper smiled sheepishly and shrugged a little. “I mean, you guys won’t be able to go to some places out there. And there are more creatures that live around here besides the ones that have been found, too. So you guys need more help with that, right?”

Stan blinked a couple times, then grinned widely. “Tell you what, I’m gonna be done with my shift soon. How about we head out an’ find Wendy and let her know that you’re all moving in?”

“Yeah!” Mabel threw her hands in the air. “Gravity Falls, beware! The Mystery Twins are back in town and we’re here to say!”

_And that’s what we’ve done – mostly. Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan let slip one night that they still wanted to sail around the world at least a little bit and fulfill their childhood dream, and there are a couple places that can only be reached by sea._

_We’ll be heading out in a couple months on a Kraken hunt. Wish us luck!_

_\--Dipper Pines, Cryptid Researcher_

 

 

**Extra**

It took some time, but Cipher was eventually able to break out of Llama’s perfume bottle and his former ghoul’s cylinder – _that_ was a pain to break through. He didn’t have much power at first. He didn’t know what it was that was keeping him from it, but then it started trickling in.

Glasses – well, Vampire – had done something to the valley, and it had affected him. How, he wasn’t sure.

But now his magic was coming back, and he needed to get _out._ Get back to his proper size again.

Which he managed to do, with a final punch to the metal, blowing it completely out of shape.

He pulled his way out and –

 _“Hey, this isn’t the third dimension,”_ Cipher muttered, his voice not quite back at full volume again. _“What’s with this weird fuzzy stuff?”_

He poked at a cloud of soft green that floated past him, nearly invisible among the soft pinks, purples, and blues that swirled around him in strange patterns.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Bill Cipher.”

Cipher whirled at the sound of the voice and looked up…and up…and up.

He swore in a number of different languages at once, which would have been impressive for anything mortal.

“I believe it is time for us to have a talk,” the giant axolotl said casually.


End file.
